Brenda Eckstein International

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149: Recognising patterns

January 23, 2014 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Life is full or patterns and learning to recognise them enables us to develop appropriate behaviours.  We need to notice differences and similarities. For example, what do fennel, ‘Pandanus Utilits’ and zebra have in common?  You are right, they are all found on this planet.  And they most probably all occur naturally on different continents.  But perhaps it is only in Africa that all three are found naturally?  

So, let’s explore further.  Another correct answer would be that they are all ‘living things’.  So we are getting closer.  What else is similar about them?  Use all your senses.  No, it isn’t the smell.  And I don’t think any of us would want to taste a Zebra.  Plants don’t seem to make audible sounds.  So what about the visual aspects?  Let’s look at the photos:

Fennel growing in my garden in Pietermaritzburg.

Fennel growing in my garden in Pietermaritzburg.

 

‘Pandanus Utilits’, native of Madagascar, growing in my garden.

‘Pandanus Utilits’, native of Madagascar, growing in my garden.

 

Zebra painted by Brian Harmer.

Zebra painted by Brian Harmer.

Look carefully.  To me, the one thing that is repeated is the pattern itself.  The stems of fennel and Pandanus Utilis create zig-zag patterns and these are similar to the visual patterns found on the coats of zebra. 

This might appear to be an arbitrary exercise with little meaning.  But I hope it has shown how looking for similarities and differences and what is repeated is an important part of recognising patterns in all aspects of our lives.  By observing we are learning to see similarities and repetition in usual ways.  

In integral coaching, through cognitive self-observation of behaviour, emotions, and thoughts we become aware of what we are really doing, and how we are responding.  That involves cognitive self-observations.  Once we uncover our ‘blind spots’, we can develop relevant practices to develop new neural pathways.  This will give us mastery in that we can recognise triggers when we are heading towards undesirable ways of reacting and use our developing competencies to self-correct and respond in a more beneficial way. 

So, my recommendation is that you find yourself a well-qualified integral coach and commit yourself to a programme which will help to shift your ‘way of being’.  Life will be so much more fun!  You’ll be more productive and your life will be more ‘in balance’. 

But in the meantime, notice the patterns around you.  And when you journal each day, be curious and record your insights.  By crystallising your thoughts you’ll see your own patterns and be able to respond in more appropriate ways. 

For more information on Executive Coaching please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

146: Making sense

December 22, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

In order to experience life integrally, often clients need to build their competence at using all their senses.  Using metaphors as distinctions enables the Executive Coach to expand possibilities for the client.  This also amplifies the shift needed in order for the client to move from ‘current narrative’ to ‘future narrative’. 

Let’s look at an example of a metaphor used with one of my clients. First, I need to provide some background.  I went to stay with my cousin Bonny who designed and established the Camelot Spa at San Lameer, South Coast KwaZulu-Natal from scratch.  During our conversations I was fascinated to hear about some of the decisions she needed to make in order to enhance the total ‘spa’ experience.  This involved maximising the sensual experiences for her clients and staff.  For me, this became a great metaphor for self-observations and practices for a client who needed to develop his appreciation of his sensory capacity.

Bonny Richardson and some staff of the Camelot Spa, San Lameer.

Bonny Richardson and some staff of the Camelot Spa, San Lameer.

For Bonny, optimising opportunities from the beginning to the end of the spa experience, using multiple sensory inputs, was a huge challenge.  For example, in developing the spa, the perfume used needed to be appealing to a wide range of people – old and young, male and female, those wanting to relax and those wanting to get fit.  The spa includes a gym.  It also had to provide a positive connection for people of different cultural groups.  It needed to be consistent yet be a perfume that people didn’t become tired of. The levels also had to be perfectly subliminal. The staff would be exposed to that perfume every day, too.  And of course, the allergy factors needed to be considered.  Some perfumes are more likely to trigger allergic reactions and that would not be conducive to building customer loyalty! 

After a great deal of thought and testing, ‘Frangipani’ was chosen and integrated into the spa brand. It would be a perfume that would remind clients of those surroundings. 

Then there were decisions around the sense of taste.  Many elements were considered.  Which teas should be served?  And which biscuits would seem most healthy and also taste the best? 

Sight involved the visual impression of the whole spa and also of each part of the spa.  Incorporating the beautiful view of the lagoon from certain areas was important.  And there were questions around the colour of the décor, chairs, the best colour for staff uniforms.  And what about the gowns worn by clients?  What colour should they be? 

In certain areas, the music could be changed to suit the clients.  But what should the sound of the spa be?  In addition to the trickle of water, what music should be played.  It had to appeal to a wide range of South African and foreign visitors.  And of course, it needed to be conducive to bringing out the best in the staff. 

And how could a feeling of peace be created if the flooring echoed with a ‘clackety-clack’ as staff or others walked through various areas on arriving.  Certainly once clients had changed, slippers could be worn and this would reduce the disruptive impact of noisy floors.  But the floor finish was a critical element in decisions regarding the sound in the spa. 

The sense of touch was important, too. Obviously therapists are people who enjoy working with their sense of touch. They have to feel what they are doing.  However, they need to be ‘in tune’ with clients and apply the right amount of pressure at the right time.  To clients the feeling of the gowns also plays an important part.  And the temperature in the different rooms needs to be perfectly set. 

These are just a few of the myriad of decisions made in planning and opening a spa from scratch.  So, how can we use this metaphor in becoming more aware of our own senses and finding ways to develop our competence at using our senses?  A good integral coach can help you to do that.  If you are an integral coach, I invite you to consider using this metaphor with clients who need to become more competent at using their senses individually and to enhance their ‘way of being’.   Questioning around the metaphor adds interest to coaching conversations.  It also enhances reflection and journaling.  

For more information on Executive Coaching, please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

Integration: let’s continue working on ourselves

November 15, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

In our 6-week ‘EYES’ (‘Enhance Your Executive Skills’) course which combines group training and individual coaching sessions,  this week’s theme is ‘integration’. How do we take our new insights and use these to enhance our functioning in all areas of our lives?

People often ask about my role as an ‘integral’ coach and the simplest way to describe it is that I help people to turn ‘stumbling blocks’ in to ‘stepping stones’. We all have ‘blind spots’ and a good coach can help us to recognise aspects that are holding us back.  Whatever is hampering our progress in one domain is usually having a negative impact in other areas as well.  The message is that we need to work on ourselves in an integrated way.

Let me give you some examples:

This week I was again privileged to take two separate groups of clients to ‘HorsePlay’ where Carl Bronner gently but firmly enables participants to find new ways of approaching their leadership roles.  At ‘HorsePlay’ it would appear that people are working on their individual horses for the morning.  But Carl enables us to see that we are really working on ourselves.  The lessons are astounding.  My role as a coach is to help individuals consolidate their insights and become even more aware of how they can apply those lessons in their professional and personal lives.

I’m also involved in dog training at present.  Again, I am the one who is being trained!  Adrienne Olivier reminds us that we are working on ourselves.  And there are some hard lessons!  Over the years we have been privileged to own many dogs and each has been ‘schooled’ by Adrienne.  It continues to fascinate me how there is continuous improvement in techniques and for me dog training is ‘on-going learning’.

You’ll be pleased to hear that our ‘New Kid on the Block’ is progressing well – and so am I!  Remember:  when we improve the way we train dogs, we are working on ourselves! 

 Kaiser and the sprinkler system - video clip.

This week Kaiser discovered a new toy – the sprinkler system!  Since he came to live with us, it has rained so much that we hadn’t needed to water the garden until this Sunday.  So, besides the serious lessons to be learnt and our joy when he (we?) get commands right, we have great fun watching his progress.

Whether we want to achieve our goals through communicating with horses, training a dog, or improving our business or personal lives, we need to work on ourselves.

For more information on ‘executive coaching’, ‘integral coaching’ or training, please  contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172, Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

Butterflies of Distinction

July 30, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

These pictures were taken during two visits where my client and I met at ‘Butterflies for Africa’.

As coaches we provide ‘distinctions’ that help our clients turn ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  Let me give you an example: When one of my clients came to her first coaching session, she was ‘stuck’ in an almost intolerable situation.  The situation was dragging her down, she was anxious and life seemed full of ‘doom and gloom’.  

At our second session I asked her to describe any beautiful experience she’d had recently.  At first she was quiet and suddenly her face lit up as she told me about her visit to the ‘butterfly farm’.  A butterfly had settled on her hand and she had felt great peace.  We explored this further and the butterfly became her ‘distinction’. 

I searched internet and found a brilliant ‘fast forward’ YouTube video of caterpillars freely climbing the branches.  They then seemed trapped in the cocoon for a while before breaking out of the cocoon and each emerged as a beautiful butterfly.  This metaphor described her situation.  She used to have freedom of movement.  She was now trapped in that cocoon.  But she acknowledged that like the butterfly, there was a set time for her to break out.  She became curious about the changes taking place inside the cocoon during the incubation period and she began to realise that this was not a period ofstagnation, but rather of hidden activity. 

What actually happened during the coaching process?  This distinction expanded the invitation and created further possibilities.  We both had great fun linking this to all aspects of our coaching programme. For example, we spoke about getting the ‘butterflies to fly in formation’.  She began formulating her book, using ‘the butterfly within’ as a theme for her writing.  The coaching programme enabled her to focus her ideas.  The new balance in her life also enabled her to spend time re-establishing parts of her garden and she has incorporated tiles with butterfly motifs.  

She excelled during the coaching programme.  The ‘butterfly distinction’ helped her to turn her ‘stumbling block’ into a ‘stepping stone’.  What are your ‘stumbling blocks’?  Often we have ‘blind spots’ and can’t see our own situation clearly.  And we don’t know how to change the patterns in our lives.  Through self-observation a good coach can help us to identify, self-correct and self-generate and thus improve our ‘way of being’. 

For more information on our coaching services, please contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172,  Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

Turning ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’: the BIG picture

February 28, 2012 by Brenda 1 Comment

As an integral coach I ‘practise’ the self-observations (to gather data), engage in daily practices, reflections and do ‘one off’ exercises appropriate to my own self-developmental path.  Today when I was reflecting and applying our coaching models to myself I noticed something very interesting.  In looking at the four most recent ‘posts’, which I wrote spontaneously over a period of a month, I had by chance (really?) covered four domains.  My coaching colleagues will understand the significance of this but there are interesting learning points for everyone. 

Let me explain:  the articles were written in the following order:

January 31       Isn’t it strange?

This first article covers my passion (D1) for a poem which reflects our lives.  Robert Sharpe wrote that poem over 200 years ago and it is as applicable today as it was then. 

February 7        ‘Stepping stones’

The second article looks at action (D2) that was taken to overcome a ‘stumbling block’ (grass would not grow).  And this has created a ‘stepping stone’ which has opened up many possibilities and is a source of great joy.

February 14      Customer service:  turning ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’

The third post looks at how building positive relationships (D3) can escalate service to levels to excellence.  When things go wrong (‘stumbling block’) and we are able to find a ‘stepping stone’, this builds future possibilities and action.

February 21      Turning ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’:  QR codes

I am not technologically (D4) astute but am motivated and assisted by my son, Gary Eckstein, SEO consultant.  With their help I am enjoying and engaged in my website, blogs and other IT aspects of my business. 

So, by chance, the above four articles build a balanced package.  What is this telling us?  It shows that whatever happens in one ‘domain’ of our lives is likely to show up in all four domains. This is how we as ‘integral coaches’ help our clients to ‘unblock’ issues (‘stumbling blocks’)  that are holding them back.   I’m so excited to discover that even where I’m spontaneously writing articles, these topics are showing up in all four domains.

If you’d like to know more about ‘integral coaching’, which can be done in person or via Skype, you are welcome to contact me - Phone:  +27 33 3425432, Mobile:  + 27 82 4993311, brenda@146.66.90.172,

Warm wishes,

Brenda

Oh what a beautiful morning

December 5, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Various songs reflect my feelings as I look out the window each morning and welcome the new day. ‘Oh what a beautiful morning’ is one of the songs that come to mind.

Every morning has its own charm. Even the misty, grey mornings have a strong message for us.  This morning, Thursday December 1 2011 was no different.  The view from my window was ‘awesome’.  As the pink light became more intense, a single cloud reflected the light.  In our lives, we always have a few clouds and those challenges add interest.

 

As I walked in the garden I was greeted by the sounds of the world waking up. 

Please press here to listen to the local sounds and to my message. 

 After listening, some questions you may wish to ask yourself:

  • What clouds are there in my life at present?
  • How can I creatively work with those challenges?
  • How is the light adding beauty to those clouds?
  • How do I welcome each new day? 
  • How can I enhance my ‘being’ through ‘connecting’ more closely with the natural world?
  • What gift do I bring today?
  • How am I serving others?

These are examples of  introspective questions which help us reflect on our own lives.  If you would like to add colour to your life, think of getting yourself a good coach.  I could recommend a few. If you’d like to discuss coaching, you are welcome to contact me on brenda@146.66.90.172

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