Brenda Eckstein International

Strategy, Leadership, Integral Coaching and Communication consulting

Countdown to 2019

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I first published this article a year ago and the feedback was great. So I have decided to share a slightly modified version.

Life is full of countdowns. We prepare for events or calendar dates that will make a numerical or biblical difference to our lives. Children, eagerly awaiting the arrival of a certain date, are often encouraged to count the number of ‘sleeps’ until the event, whether the event be leaving to go on holiday, celebrating their birthday or the arrival of an important person. Anticipation and conscious or unconscious countdowns usually go hand-in-hand.

A significant event for many in the Western world is Christmas, marked on our calendars as December 25th. In the ‘run up’ (or shall we rather refer to it as ‘countdown’) to that date, a popular tradition, again presumably to capture the attention of children, is the counting of the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’. I was fascinated to read that the counting should start on Christmas Day. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting for children to begin counting the days only once they have received their presents! Another intriguing fact is that there are hidden meanings to each of the elements in the song starting ‘On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…’.

In general, in the Western world, once the commercial and family frenzy of Christmas have passed, adults tend to focus on the lead up to New Year. Most of us have an array of ‘new years’ in our lives, marked by various religious observances and holidays or a birthday which also results in a new numerical age for us. A ‘new year’ can also come with a change in status, for example, the transition to being legally responsible, retirement age or becoming a ‘pensioner’.

But not many are linked to ‘resolutions’ the way it is expected that people should make ‘new year resolutions’. In my opinion, few people actually enact their stated intentions, whether they be promises to themselves or to others. I’m advocating that people rather first reflect on their past, make meaning out of their reflections and then decide on possible actions.

In order to make this reflection exercise more fun, I have crafted a countdown. It is intended as a means of transitioning to a better ‘way of being’ in 2019. To help you, here are my suggestions and questions. Please list the:

• 12 top achievements in your life
• 11 people who have helped you to achieve
• 10 biggest challenges you have ever faced
• 9 learnings from these challenges
• 8 activities and experiences that energise you
• 7 people you’ll avoid because you find them toxic
• 6 things you need to continue doing
• 5 activities or thoughts you should avoid or minimise
• 4 new undertakings or practices you have space to start engaging in
• 3 things you’ll do differently in 2019
• 2 plans for big celebrations during the year ahead
• 1 way in which you will honour the most important person in your life…yourself!

Further questions for you are:

How will you:
• minimise negative influences and habits
• energise yourself through engaging more in those activities and experiences that have a positive influence on you?

May 2019 be a year filled with good health, great happiness, peace and prosperity. Oh, and have loads of fun doing the things that energise you!

For more information on Executive Coaching or other programmes offered by Brenda Eckstein International, please contact brenda@strategy-leaderhip.com or visit our website www.strategy-leadership.com

Travellers’ tips for the journey

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I smiled as I read Trip Advisor’s article on ‘Travellers’ Top Tips to Pack Smart’.  Every one of these ideas could be considered as a metaphor for preparing ourselves for an optimal journey through the next phase of our lives, whether we are referring to next year or the rest of our lives.

How might this apply to our lives?
Many of us have lives that are far too cluttered and are carrying excess baggage whether physically or emotionally. These weigh us down and deplete our energy. How do we trim down, keep just what is useful and helping us to lead better lives? And how do we carefully choose those new aspects that are fun and create adventure? Our cups soon start to overflow if we just keep adding. The new items spill out over the top. The process involves firstly clearing out excess. Then create space by stopping certain activities while being cognisant of continuing what is important and serving a purpose.

This tip also implies having spare resources to spend. As the facilitator of personal strategy, I find that when we talk of resources, individuals tend to think primarily in terms of financial resources. I assign an exercise which involves carefully considering various resources such as knowledge and access to information, skills, qualifications, personal branding, the use of personal attributes (character strengths, values, touchstones etc.), executive coaching, energy, people, networks and relationships, time, technology, transport, accommodation and many more resources.

I believe there is a parallel between the way we build, store and use the resources at our disposal and the way we can consciously build, store and use our energy in the best possible way.

How might this apply to our lives?
Not only is life moving at an accelerated pace but we are bombarded by more and more stimuli. This means that we need to take active steps to filter out what is not necessary at that time. How can we be mindful, focussed and living in the moment if we are distracted and overwhelmed by all that is going on around us? How do we selectively eliminate or reduce the effect of certain stimuli which may be unnecessary or negative at that time? We need rest so a metaphorical sleepmask could be very helpful in enabling us to filter out interfering stimuli relating to sight. The earmuffs could help us avoid hearing harassment and unnecessary sounds which are intruding on our presence.

The sleep mask and earplugs are useful in keeping out influences and stimuli which have a negative influence on our current ‘way of being’.

How might this apply to our lives?
Think of a suitcase as being the metaphor for the container of our lives.

We need to use our resources effectively and efficiently. To me, space is a resource and without space we can’t recognise or optimise opportunities.

But our lives are usually already very full. So how can we be more effective in packaging whatever we are fitting into our lives? How do we use least time and energy yet enhance the experience of whatever we do? How do we experiment in for example rolling rather than folding. How do we use disruption to our advantage? In my coaching programmes we introduce practices helping clients create space so that they can reflect productively or plan the future.

So what I’m saying here is ‘yes, we do need to fill up the gaps’ (like those when packing shoes) in a meaningful way. However, that will help to create space that we can use for productive purposes.

How might this apply to our lives?
We need to be more selective and discover items that have multiplicity of purpose. This again often requires a disruption to the way we have always unconsciously done things. How can we explore new ways of performing even the most mundane processes in our lives? In which ways can we find new uses for our existing items? For example, if I go to gym very early in the mornings, I am more likely to be able to watch sunrise on the way, take my dogs with me (they stay in the car so I can’t take them when it is too hot) and have my exercise completed before I start my workday. So there are many benefits.

How might this apply to our lives?
Often we feel overwhelmed because there is so much we need to do. Clustering similar activities or items could help us to feel more organised. Creating boundaries around them is also an important aspect of feeling ‘in control’. Some of us are better at doing this than others. What is within those boundaries is as important as what is not within, what is outside. We also need to make sure that the container is the right size and shape. And once we have become good at establishing those boundaries, how do we transfer that skill to other aspects of our lives?

How might this apply to our lives?
In order to focus on what is important on life’s journey or even parts of it, we need to remain focussed on what is important to us. It is easy to be distracted, especially when we are out of routine, in a strange place or embarking on a new journey.

Too often we are lulled into acceptance instead of choosing what is best for us. It is right for the masses, it isn’t necessarily right for us. Being pro-active and considering our options enables us to be more in tune with our own ‘way of being’.

How might this apply to our lives?
We spend our lives packing and unpacking. And it is good that we do that. However, reflecting on our actions helps us to create meaning. Through unpacking the experience and reflecting on it we can extract the essence, a simple lesson. And then we need to ask ourselves: How can I use this lesson in other fields in my life? What action should I take?

How might this apply to our lives?
The old adage, ‘sharing is caring’ applies in many aspects of our lives. Teamwork is important in so many areas. And here we can be referring to our partners, families or immediately team (both in our private or business lives). Or we could apply this to our broader network of relationships. We often forget the value of what others can add through sharing our space.

How might this apply to our lives?
In life we need energy for so many of our heart, head, spiritual, networking and other functions. Without it, action might be impeded. Connection to others gives us access to information, and assistance. This support enables us to use our own energy wisely.

How might this apply to our lives?
Stopping to record enables us to collect our thoughts and make the best possible use of information. Taking a photograph enables us to capture the moment and has great significance. In coaching programmes, where relevant, I often weave in a practice of daily pausing to take a photograph.

Use this tips in order to prepare yourself for a more successful life’s journey and you will flourish.

For more information on executive coaching, keynote speaking or training you are welcome to contact me - Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311, e-mail: brenda@146.66.90.172

Visualise to be more productive

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Do you feel overwhelmed - as though you are not achieving enough? As a leader you most probably experience the outside world as being volatile, uncertain, complex and as ambiguous (VUCA). Volatility and uncertainly make it more difficult to make decisions as variables are changing so fast that there often isn’t time to collect all the relevant information.

External forces create an environment of complexity and ambiguity. This applies in the world of work, too. New trends and challenges mean that we can no longer automatically continue to use the practices and tactics that worked in the past. The influence of Millennials makes it important to dislodge much of our traditional way of thinking. Disruption is essential in order to take advantage of opportunities for the future. The rapid advances in technology bring about many of the other changes to which leaders and other executives need to adapt. There are a multitude of other changes taking place in the workplace, too. In the real world, the practical application of the empowerment of women remains a challenge as does taking advantage of diversity.

External global and regional influences and emerging trends in the workplace result in increasing stress levels in leaders. This affects their ability to react or respond appropriately. When coaching leaders and other executives, I find that managing the present often consumes their time and energy. They find it difficult to allocate time to strategic issues, leading to the future.

These were some of my findings in my research study on ‘The role of coaching in developing character strengths in leaders’. This was part of my M Phil degree (Management Coaching) through the University of Stellenbosch Business School (2017).  As a practicing executive coach I became increasingly interested in a gap in knowledge. Why wasn’t coaching being used more effectively, in general, in developing leaders in global organisations? And what coaching approaches, programmes, models and other techniques would result in outcomes which would help clients to shift their ‘way of being’ and thus cope better? This was with specific reference to coaching leaders in global organisations. I continued testing my coaching model which I streamlined for that purpose, and continue to adjust as I gain new insights. This has helped to refine my topic and model for a potential PhD study.

But how do I, in simple terms, describe the complexity of how the model works? This has been a challenge as I need to be able to address an academic audience and also potential clients. I found that my content was too abstract and I was having a problem connecting my thoughts to something concrete. I battled. But I was very excited to find a solution during Prof Sebastian Kernbach’s outstanding course, ‘The Productive PhD’ presented at the African Doctoral Academy in January 2018. My core question when doing this exercise was, ‘how do I explain what happens to leaders during the coaching programme?’

I’m sharing the process I followed in order to demonstrate how visualising can help to take thoughts and assumptions which are implicit and convert them to explicit visuals. In other words, we can take complex messages and simplify in order to make it easier for us to explain to others and also more interesting for the audience to understand. These principles apply in academic contexts and also help us to become more productive as executives, leaders or in any other areas where we need to organise and express our thoughts. In fact, they apply to any person who wants to get their point across.

For the exercise that I’m outlining, Prof Kernbach stressed that we needed to rapidly prototype and iterate. Our aim should not be perfection or beauty in our drawings but rather on creating meaning. According to Ben Schneiderman:
‘The purpose of visualization is insight, not pictures. It is not about aesthetics.’

In other words, by working speedily and roughly, the focus is on the message rather than on the detail in the drawing.

My first attempts at depicting how my model works when coaching leaders in global organisations appeared sterile. (Please see below.) However, we had been advised to value our failures, accepting them as part of the process, so I kept this series of rapid iterations and am sharing this version with you:

A rough drawing trying to show what coaching might do

This visualisation did not achieve the desired outcome. It was not inspiring and it was hard to use this visual representation to explain the nuances of the changes that might occur in the leader as a result of being coached using an effective coaching programme. In the figure above I showed the external world (red) and the world of work (green) having an influence on the leader. These remained dominant influences during the coaching process. Moving from left to right, it showed how I visualised how the leader’s inner world (blue) was stifled but grew bigger through coaching.

But I realised that this diagram would not capture the listener’s attention through bringing the story to life. I was stuck!

I asked for help and Prof Kernbach came over to my table. As he listened, he quickly captured my message in visual format. As he proceeded, at each step he did a reality check, confirmed with me that he was understanding and on the right track. In less than five minutes, including a number of rough drawings, he arrived at the representation shown below.

Professor Kernbach’s understanding of my message. (Diagram used with the kind permission of Professor Kernbach)

He captured my intention in a fluid, flexible way. His emphasis was how the leader came into the coaching programme as a ‘frigid’ (rectangular) individual. (Seen on the left). His mouth was down and he was surrounded by the tough worlds pressing in around him. As the coaching proceeded, he was no longer a rectangle, but became a smiley resilient person. The leader has removed himself further from those oppressive worlds around him. They are still there, but in the last picture on the right (after 8 coaching sessions!) he is deflecting the demands of the external worlds.

Professor Kernbach’s interpretation inspired me to presevere and below is one of my later rough visualizations. This new series of drawings, is still ‘work in progress’ and will have further refinements, but has helped me to clarify my thoughts.

Remembering that it is neither the quality of the drawing that counts, nor how beautiful it is, but rather the ability of the presenter to clarify and express his thoughts, I quickly developed the visualization below. It needed to make it easier for me to explain my thoughts.

Brenda’s later version depicting what might happen to the leader during the coaching programme

Let me explain my rough drawing above: At the beginning of the programme, shown on the left, the leader is ‘frigid’, almost paralysed through stress. He is inflexible. I have depicted him as a blue rectangle and his mouth is down and he is not looking ahead. The external world (brown) is not separated from him. He cannot distance himself. The same applies to his life in the workplace here drawn with a green pen. In both cases, the lines inward show the pressure or expectations of both worlds and how he is absorbing all the negative energy.

As the 8-stage coaching programme proceeds, moving towards the right, the leader becomes more and more flexible, more fluid and more able to adapt. After the eighth session he has grown, wears a big smile and is looking ahead. The external (VUCA) world remains the same size, but the leader is managing to distance himself from influences that could impact negatively on him. The same happens with the world of work. In both cases, because the leader has become more resilient, he is able to deflect the influences of both worlds and this is shown in the brown and green arrows.

You may ask: ‘Where does coaching show up in the diagram?’ A good coach remains flexible and ‘in the moment’ meets the person ‘where they are at’ at that time. So the red line between the beginning sessions is straight epitomising the need to match the coaching with the needs of the rectangular leader. Towards the end of the programme, as the coaching proceeds, the client benefits, becomes more receptive and the red line becomes more wavy signifying that the coaching has also been adapted to suits the person’s needs and the coach’s approach is thus much more fluid.

As you can see, what began as a difficult task for me mellowed into a fun, thought-provoking exercise. Before the visualization exercise, I battled to explain what the coaching programme seems to achieve and even in my first set of drawings, I did not appear to be gaining positive results. However, in the final series my thoughts are clearer and I’m able to more effectively describe the likely effects of the coaching programme.

I have shared just one example a visualization exercise. Examples are everywhere… in movies, maps, pie-charts, posters etc. I’m extremely grateful to Dr Kernbach and look forward to using different learnings from his course in my own self-development running parallel to my continuous progress as a coach and researcher. In addition, others will benefit either through being coached or when I mentor other coaches.

My message is that you can cope with feelings of overwhelm by becoming more productive. Make your thoughts explicit and easier to communicate to others. For example, as a leader or other executive use visualising in doing presentations. As a researcher one of the benefits will be that you will find it easier to get your message across. Use visual thinking to your benefit when thinking, communicating and writing and there will be benefits to those you influence. By becoming more productive you’ll be helping your organisation and its people to flourish.

Use these principles and you can more easily organise your thoughts, add meaning and make them explicit thus enabling you to share with others through communicating clearly. You can become more productive!

Please contact the following for more information on:

  • Leadership development or executive coaching - Brenda Eckstein through www.strategy-leadership.com or brenda@146.66.90.172
  • Visualization workshops - Professor Sebastian Kernbach through www.vicola.org
  • The University of Stellenbosch Summer or Winter Schools: The African Doctoral Academy (ADA) - http://www0.sun.ac.za/ada/

Theoretical background
The following is intended for those who are interested in the theoretical background to the above example of a visual thinking exercise:

There is a need for a new working intelligence (Kernbach, 2018). When we engage in activities like this, Sternberg’s Triarchic Theory of Human Intelligence (reference) is relevant as we are using three types of intelligence which he refers to as ‘analytical intelligence’, ‘creative intelligence’ and ‘practical intelligence’. We are using analytical intelligence for abstract thinking and logical reasoning. Creative intelligence comes into play allowing divergent thinking in novel situations. We are also using his third kind of intelligence, practical intelligence, in order to apply the knowledge to the real world and shape our environment. This requires methods, tools and resources.

During the course we captured our message in ‘one eye-span’, a term coined by Edward Tufte whose work was based on Cognitive Load Theory (Clark, Nguyen Sweller and Baddeley, 2006). Thus, our message needed to fit on one page so that we didn’t have to turn our heads. If you can see everything at once, you are able to make sense of information more easily as, for example, you don’t have to remember what was on the previous page. Visualisation extends the brain’s capacity through Distributed Cognition to help us make our implicit thought explicit and thus available to others. The use of shape colour, space and size are used to create visual representations of our messages.

The process here demonstrates aspects of Dual Coding Theory. Processing information through two channels, here imagery and verbal, and using them together increases engagement, attention and recall. The work of Barbara Tversky is relevant in her work on ‘picture superiority’.

References

  • Black, A. (1992). Envisioning information: Edward Tufte, Cheshire, CT: Graphics Press, 126 pp. ISBN 0 961 3921 1 8.
  • Clark, R. C., Nguyen, F., Sweller, J., & Baddeley, M. (2006). Efficiency in learning: Evidence‐based guidelines to manage cognitive load. Performance Improvement, 45(9), 46-47.
  • Kernbach, S. (2018). The Productive PhD. African Doctoral Academy
  • Paivio, A. (1991). Dual coding theory: Retrospect and current status. Canadian Journal of Psychology/Revue canadienne de psychologie, 45(3), 255.
  • Sadoski, M., & Paivio, A. (2013). Imagery and text: A dual coding theory of reading and writing. Routledge.
    Shneiderman, B. (2008, June). Extreme visualization: squeezing a billion records into a million pixels. In Proceedings of the 2008 ACM SIGMOD international conference on Management of data (pp. 3-12). ACM.
    Sternberg, R. J. (1985). Beyond IQ: A triarchic theory of human intelligence. CUP Archive.
  • Tversky, B., Morrison, J. B., & Betrancourt, M. (2002). Animation: can it facilitate?. International journal of human-computer studies, 57(4), 247-262.

Painting a brighter future

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* The artist’s name has been changed in order to protect her identify. Poppy is not her real name. All other details are true.

As professional coaches we don’t usually coach family or friends and nor do we coach without permission. So, under normal circumstances I would not coach a person now aged 45 whom I had known since she was a little girl. I had been friendly with her parents at the time she graduated and then became a competent, successful and respected professional in her field. In addition, a prohibiting factor to me as a professional coach was that she had been disabled through Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and unable to work for the last 10 years. Her ongoing support falls in the domain of professional doctors and therapists.

However, visiting her home informally for the first time, I noticed a beautiful painting on an easel. I presumed that her mother, a professional artist, had painted the artistic portrait of her daughter. However, Poppy confided that she had painted the self-portrait and that this was the last of her own acrylic paintings, created more than 10 years ago, before MDD robbed her of the ability to paint. Prior to that she had loved painting.

I was dismayed that her incredible character strength of creativity should be wasted. As a professional strengths-based coach I know how important it is for us to energise ourselves through using our strengths. As I stood admiring the painting I spontaneously gently suggested that, to get her back to painting, she should try painting a portrait of my husband and me. (I was not coaching her, just encouraging her as a friend.)

Her face lit up as she immediately agreed. I stressed that she should use her artistic licence (do it her way!), that there was no obligation, no commitment to her ever completing it and there was no deadline. I just wanted her to pick up a paintbrush and start painting again. I had no expectation but I believed in her and in her ability to complete this task.

I provided her with a choice of photos as a starting point and wasn’t even sure which she had chosen. Twice during the six month period since that chance encounter she phoned to apologise that it was taking so long.

I wasn’t even sure that she had started painting! So, I’m not sure who was more excited, Poppy or me, when she phoned unexpectedly to tell me that the painting would be ready the next day. And it was! My husband and I are both overjoyed at the outcome. This work of art will remain a symbol of huge human endeavour and achievement and a reminder of the power of positive encouragement. She later confided that at times she had blocks and panic attacks and was not able to paint. The journey was extremely difficult. She said: ‘I had underestimated the enormity of the challenge and the extent to which my illness had deprived me of the ability to even pick up a paintbrush. Without your continued support, compassion and encouragement I would have been too overwhelmed to complete the task.’

I’m pleased to say that Poppy has motivated herself not only to paint again, but her stumbling block has become a stepping stone. She has already started on the next project!

Poppy has asked me to share her story and her letter of appreciation. We both hope that this will provide encouragement to others who are incapacitated through various mental illnesses.

From: xxx (her details have been purposely removed in order to protect her identity)
Sent: Tuesday, January 2, 2018 7:08 PM
To: brenda@146.66.90.172
Subject: Reigniting the seemingly impossible ....

Dearest Brenda,

It has now been over 10 years since I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), an illness that stripped me of everything I once knew as my life; and most devastatingly my sense of "self".

Until recently, it would also be the last time I could bring myself to paint a canvas.

And then there was you ... And to me you are the heroine in this story. Your intuition and expertise in helping others ignite and reach their true potential is a gift.

Thank you for your patience, support and unfailing encouragement; and mostly for believing in me even though I couldn't.

For anyone who is interested in seeing your practice in results, I have attached a copy of the original photograph you gave me and my resultant artwork portrait.

Fondly and gratefully,

x

The photo which Poppy chose was taken by professional photographer, Karen Edwards in 2015.

Photo by Karen Edwards (2015)

The above photo provided the inspiration for Poppy who then used this as a starting point to create her artistic interpretation (seen below). You’ll notice she has included my love of vibrant colours and the Aboriginal influence relevant to our children living in Australia.

Painting by the artist (completed January 2018)

I feel emotional when considering the enormity of her achievement and feel very humble that she feels I played a part. It just happened that I was in the right place at the right time. That chance encounter opened doors for both of us. She has worked at regaining her ability to paint and achieved her goal in completing her first assignment.

However, I acknowledge that the wonderful work done by the team of professional doctors and therapists, combined with the support lovingly given by her close family provided the framework and enabled her to reach the stage where she was ‘open’ to my suggestion. On her part it also took great courage for her to accept that challenge.

Poppy did not need to discover her creative strength. She had lost the ability to apply that strength. I am deeply grateful that she has regained her dormant creative strength and that she is able to paint again. Using her strength brings her joy. I’m hoping that over time, the resulting energy from her sustained use of her creative strength will provide leverage and enable her to use her other strengths to even greater advantage. I look forward to watching her progress.

My message is clear: be open to noticing what is missing in other’s lives. Encourage them in a sincere way that is acceptable to them. Continue to ‘be there’ even remotely for the person. What may seem insignificant in the giver’s eyes can be life-changing to the receiver.

My questions for you are:

  • How can you be more observant so that you notice others’ strengths?
  • What can you do to help them change their stumbling blocks into stepping stones?
  • How are you helping others to recognise and optimise opportunities?
  • How are you sustaining support, even remotely, by continuing to encourage, even in small ways?
  • In which ways are you introducing positive new beginnings into your own life?

For further information on keynote addresses, Executive Coaching or other services offered by Brenda Eckstein International, please contact brenda@146.66.90.172

Countdown

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Life is full of countdowns. We prepare for events or marks on the calendar that will make a numerical or biblical difference to our lives. Children, eagerly awaiting the arrival of a certain date, are often encouraged to count the number of ‘sleeps’ until the event, whether it be leaving to go on holiday, celebrating their birthday or the arrival of an important person. Anticipation and conscious or unconscious countdowns usually go hand-in-hand.

A significant event for many in the Western world is Christmas, marked on our calendars as December 25th. In the ‘run up’ or shall we rather refer to it as ‘countdown’ to that date, a popular tradition (again presumably to capture the attention of children) is the counting of the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’. I was fascinated to read that the counting should start only on Christmas Day and that there are hidden meanings to each of the elements in the song. However, I don’t think it would be nearly as exciting for children to begin counting the days only once they have received their presents!

In general, in the Western world, once the commercial and family frenzy of Christmas have passed, adults tend to focus on the lead up to New Year. Most of us have an array of ‘new years’ in our lives, marked by various religious observances and holidays or a birthday which also results in a new numerical age for us. A ‘new year’ can also come with a change in status, for example, the transition to being legally responsible, retirement age or becoming a ‘pensioner’.

But not many are linked to ‘resolutions’ the way it is expected that people should make ‘new year resolutions’. In my opinion, few people actually enact their stated intentions, whether they be promises to themselves or to others. I’m advocating that people rather first reflect on their past, make meaning out of their reflections and then decide on possible actions.

In order to make this exercise more fun, I have crafted a countdown for reflection. It is intended as a means of transitioning to a better ‘way of being’ in 2018. To help you, here are my suggestions and questions. Please list the:

  • 12 top achievements in your life
  • 11 people who have helped you to achieve
  • 10 biggest challenges you have ever faced
  • 9 learnings from these challenges
  • 8 activities and experiences that energise you
  • 7 people you’ll avoid because you find them toxic
  • 6 things you need to continue doing
  • 5 activities or thoughts you should avoid or minimise
  • 4 new undertakings or practices you have space to start engaging in
  • 3 things you’ll do differently in 2018
  • 2 plans for big celebrations during the year ahead
  • 1 way in which you will honour the most important person in your life…yourself!

Further questions for you are:

How will you:

  • minimise negative influences and habits
  • energise yourself through engaging more in those activities and experiences that have a positive influence on you?

May 2018 be a year filled with good health, great happiness, peace and prosperity. Oh, and have loads of fun doing the things that energise you!

For more information on Executive Coaching or other programmes offered by Brenda Eckstein International, please contact brenda@strategy-leaderhip.com or visit our website www.strategy-leadership.com

Top Dog

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We tend to view situations through our habitual lenses. Sometimes it is exciting to disrupt our approach so that we have a different perspective. For example, we could be curious and ask what would happen if we used the same framework and replaced expected components with new elements?

Let me give you an example: a traditional Christmas Dinner with family and friends sitting around a table could be something that most of us could picture.

Turner family Christmas lunch in Sydney - December 2017

Above is the photo of my daughter’s family gathering in Sydney Australia. If you look carefully, there is not much unusual about that photo. It is a happy picture where people are smiling and enjoying the company and good food. It is what we might expect to see.

What would happen if we took the same framework and replaced some of the components? It could disrupt our thinking! I smiled when I saw the similarities (and differences!) in the picture below in the Hilton Veterinary Hospital newsletter, also December 2017.

The purpose of my comparison is to help shake up your thinking through the questions that follow. (I’m not suggesting that we replace the joy of family gatherings by replacing people with dogs!)

Often the reason we don’t understand situations or a person’s behaviour is that our perceptions are based on our own context. Purposeful disruption can help us to adopt an ‘attitude of positive discontent’. Things don’t always have to stay the same. Sometimes our ideas (regarding change) are not going to work or be advantageous to anyone. But at least we have then explored possibilities and are more confident that we should leave things the way they are.

We need to ask ourselves what would happen if we changed either the context or some elements and then explore differences and similarities.

My questions for you are:

  • If you were to choose the people whom you’d most want around that table, who would they be?
  • How nutritious would the conversation be?
  • What routines or rituals are holding you back in any area of your life?
  • In which areas of your life are you ‘stuck’ with ‘inside the box’ thinking in your private or business life?
  • Where else could disruptive thinking benefit you?
  • Who really is the ‘top dog’ in your life?

Messages in the sand

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As I walked along the Promenade at Umhlanga, KwaZulu-Natal this morning I noticed sand-sculptures created by an entrepreneurial craftsman.  The message on one attracted my attention:  ‘Poor people progress from poverty to prosperity provided they are prepared to pay the price’.

Sand sculptures on the beach at Umhlanga, KwaZulu-Natal.

Sand sculptures on the beach at Umhlanga, KwaZulu-Natal.

This message intrigued me.  On reflection, I needed to consider it firstly from the point of view of the person who had chosen that message to display on his creation.  He himself is some-one who most probably comes from a place of poverty.  So he would have his own perspective on how lack of financial resources would impact on every aspect of his life. 

Yet he has taken constructive action in finding a way of combining his skills to create masterpieces. And he has developed his work to incorporate a distinct African flavour.  He has needed few resources as in that environment, he has no rent and the sand can be used freely.  The water he needs to dampen the sand is easily accessible.  He most probably has no formal employment so the opportunity cost is minimal.  And he has chosen to work in a system where there is a captive audience which will bring financial gains.  Locals and foreign visitors frequent the Promenade to have their daily exercise, to walk from one part of Umhlanga to another or to enjoy the seaside attractions. 

Secondly, I needed to consider or reflect on his work and his message in terms of how it applied to us, the passers-by.   I am always impressed when people take positive action to meet the challenges facing them.  Our rate of unemployment in the formal sector is unfortunately exceptionally high in South Africa.  So this man has recognised and optimised opportunities.  Many people, even if they saw possibilities may not convert them to constructive behaviour which would bring positive outcomes.  Yet, this man has done this, setting an example to others by achieving measurable outcomes.

And let’s also look at his message in terms of its interpretation.  I’ll do that in true coaching tradition by asking you, the readers to consider the following questions:

  • In which ways are you suffering from poverty? For example, you may be financially poor, time-poor or even emotionally poor.
  • In relation to your poverty, where are you now on a scale of 1 to 10 with ten representing ‘prosperity’ and your score would show where you perceive yourself to be at present.  If you are financially poor, your assets at present may be R1000 or less (poverty) and your goal R10000 (prosperity).  Thus you’d score yourself as 1.
  • What plans can you put in place in order to achieve your goal – in other words, to move you from 1 to 10?
  • How can you measure your progress?
  • What price will you pay to achieve this?

I would add that a BIG question might be:  what price are you paying for not taking action to move from poverty to prosperity?  I believe that paying a price is part of what needs to be done, but other constructive action is also necessary.  Rights and responsibility go hand-in-hand.  

While I fully appreciate and abhor the poverty in which some find themselves, I wish that more were able to come and see what a man like this has done and be inspired by his work.  He has thought outside the box and found employment that lifts him out of the realm of hopelessness in which many tend to exist.  He may not yet have moved far along his journey from poverty to prosperity, but he certainly deserves to stop paying and start enjoying his achievements.

For more information on keynote addresses, leadership development and coaching please contact Brenda at brenda@stategy-leadership.com or +27 33 342 5432.

The Door of This Home

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May the door of this home be wide enough
to receive all who hunger for love,
all who are lonely for friendship. 

May it welcome all who have cares to unburden,
thanks to express, hopes to nurture. 

May the door of this house be narrow enough
to shut out pettiness and pride, envy and enmity. 

May its threshold be no stumbling block
to young and strained feet. 

May it be too high to admit to complacency,
selfishness and harshness. 

May this home be for all who enter, 
the doorway to richness and a more meaningful life.

The Siddur of Shir Chadash

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In addition to viewing this writing literally as a blessing for your home, my invitation is to use this as a metaphor for other areas of your life.  

For example, Virginia Carlson says: 

‘This writing is offered to encourage you to experience nature with an open mind.  Being out in nature, in a sense for some, is like being welcomed home.  It is a place where all burdens can be temporarily set down upon the ground or blown away in the wind.  The distractions of animals ease your mind into calm.  Other aspects of nature such as snow, flowers, little buds on bushes or leafing trees stir a sense of rebirth within your spirit.  Breathing in the crisp air, you can feel refurbished while your body physically stretches itself with rekindled energy.’ 

Those of us who are integral coaches could use this effectively as a distinction for our clients – and for ourselves!  This would help amplify the journey from current to future narrative.  I’d be interested to know what opportunities this might have opened for you, how this writing and its use as a metaphor might have enabled you to see something differently. 

For more information on Executive Coaching or Keynote Speaking, please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

Humour adds life

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The most serious situations can often be softened by outrageous humour.   Here is a story which really ‘takes the cake’!

Let me set the scene:  Recently, my husband Edgar experienced a medical crisis in which he needed to be transported by ambulance to an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) more than an hour away from our home city, Pietermaritzburg.  This was an emergency and I needed to be based near the Umhlanga Hospital.  Our favourite hotel, the Oyster Box Hotel became my place of refuge.  The management and staff provided a sound base from where I could visit my husband a few times a day, have my laundry done and be looked after in a myriad of ways.  Despite the fact that this was the Christmas week where the hotel was fully booked with local and international holiday makers, the management and staff charmingly supported me and accommodated me as the story evolved over a four day period.  Nothing seemed too much trouble for them. 

When Edgar was discharged on Christmas Eve, we chose to spend the night at the hotel so that we could be near the hospital and also avoid the traffic on the journey back to Pietermaritzburg.  On Christmas day as we were about to depart from the hotel, the General Manager, Wayne Coetzer and his team presented us with a gift, a cake made specially for us.  But this was no ordinary Christmas cake!

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The cake prepared by the Oyster Box Hotel Management Team.

Here is my response:

Dear Wayne,

I prefer your representation of events.  It really does ‘take the cake’!  ‘Ed in bed’ looks much happier (and healthier) than in the photo below where he is the ambulance bed.  

Dem Kambouris, Edgar Eckstein and ‘ER 24’ Ambulance Support attendant, Yenziwe Olifant.

L-R: Dem Kambouris, Edgar Eckstein and ‘ER 24’ Ambulance Support attendant, Yenziwe Olifant.

Wayne, ‘thank you’ to you and your team for going to so much trouble and making us laugh. We love the detail on the cake – the drip, bottle, blood and bald patch at the back of Ed’s head are all relevant details.   The cake was a great parting gift and we look forward to eating the delicious contents, too.  Please thank Kevin, Tyler and whoever else was involved in the conception and execution of this hilarious Christmas present.  Humour certainly does add life!

Warm wishes and grateful thanks from both of us,

Brenda

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L-R: Executive Chef, Kevin Joseph, Assistant General Manager, Tyler Liebenberg and General Manager, Wayne Coetzer.

The Oyster Box Hotel has a soul.  While maintaining excellence and professionalism, the management and staff get the job done.  Yet, kindness and caring prevail and these values are lived consistently at every level in the organisation.  I applaud the Red Carnation Hotels Collection in sustaining high standards yet making sure that they put people first. 

For more information on the services offered by Brenda Eckstein International please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

Metaphors that ‘land’

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Sometimes by shifting the angle with which we view the world, we broaden our horizons and discover exciting possibilities.  As an Executive Coach I have often found that using a camera lens as a metaphor amplifies a person’s perception and helps them have insights on how stuck (in the present) they could be.  So, I might show my client the picture below:

Photo 1.

Photo 1.

When I asked my grand-daughter to tell me about this first picture she spoke about the ship towards the top of the picture.  And that is how she saw it.  And most of us most probably would have done the same, linking the fact that when I took this photo I appeared to be on a boat, looking out across the water.  Our impression might have been that of ship in the distance. Then I showed her how different the picture looked when, remaining standing in the same position, I lifted the angle of the camera slightly. 

Photo 2.

Photo 2.

Seeing this second photo, she was amazed at how, although she was so familiar with the Sydney Opera House, she hadn’t recognised the building in the first photo and had thought it was a ship.   Having this slightly different angle changed her view of the world.  Now seeing the first picture again she more easily recognises the object in context and knows it is a building, a very special building!  Just for fun, I showed her the third picture where I had again lifted my lens a fraction higher.  

Photo 3.

Photo 3.

This was far more easily recognisable.  And possibly if I had shown her this photo first, she would more easily have recognised the object in Photo 1 because she would have been seeing my views in context. 

This opens a whole range of quality questions from a coaching perspective.  Examples could be:

  • If you were seeing the world according to photo 1 only, what opportunities might you be missing?
  • In photo 2 we have sky, shore, water and part of the Manly Ferry from where I took the photo. What does the balance look like?  And how different is the balance to the proportions in the other two pictures?
  • Using these views as a metaphor, what could each element link to in our lives? For example:
    • Sky could be our rest and sleep
    • Shore and buildings could be our work
    • Water could be our time for family and friends
    • Ferry could be ‘me time’ – the time we spend on sport, study, self-development etc.
  • What happens when those proportions change? For example, in photo 3, the sky is absolutely beautiful, and often we need that in our lives.   But on an ongoing basis, if the sky represents rest and sleep those proportions may not be advantageous.
  • Seeing a recognisable feature in photo 3, without seeing photos 1 and 2, how might you be imagining how a broader or deeper picture might look?

You don’t have to be a coach to have fun reflecting on the angles of your camera and the questions that can cascade from the different views – or even from a single view.  These can lead to great insights and reflection.  However, as integral coaches appropriate distinctions that ‘land’ with our clients play an important part in amplifying the journey from current narrative to future narrative.  Metaphors bring our coaching programmes to life.  So, use them to broaden your horizons and help your clients to shift from where they are now to a brighter future. 

For more information on Executive Coaching or Keynote Speaking please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

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