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136: Rules for living or working together

October 8, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

My daughter has a big new ‘Family Rules’ sign up in the kitchen and this applies to ‘rules’ for the family. I find this a powerful set of guidelines for any group of people living in the same house.  And I began reflecting on how this could be extended and applied in the workplace.  

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to set up a programme whereby every single member of the organisation, business or firm lived that week’s ‘rule’ and then reported back the next week as to how they had ‘caught some-one else doing something right’ regarding the assigned ‘rule’?  Just imagine how a more sustainable culture of kindness and caring would prevail!  And by concentrating on a different aspect each week, it would not deter from the achievement of goals and tasks accomplished.  This programme would simply add a new dimension. 

blog136

Let’s look at each of the elements.  It would be easy to write pages on each rule, but here I am confining my comments to one or two aspects for each rule: 

  1. Always be kind.  How often do we stop in the midst of pending deadlines to consider or ask what some-one may need?  In the ruthless flurry of getting the job done, we engage minds and hands, but what do we do to consciously show kindness?  Never take kindness for weakness.
  2. Encourage each other.  Life is tough.  And the old cliché, ‘when the going gets tough the tough get going’ applies in all aspects of our lives.  Sometimes, it could be the last hurdle that may potentially let us down.  At other times, it is just getting to the starting block where encouragement would make the difference between taking part or being on the outside. And failure can ‘hit hard’ so we need to recognise when others are ‘down and need encouragement.
  3. Be proud of yourself.  Celebrate success.  Pride is a feeling which is often dampened by our rising expectations of ourselves.  We reach one goal and before we have peaked or stopped to enjoy our achievements we are looking for a higher mountain to climb.  So use your successes to propel you higher.  But at the same time, honour yourself by pausing each day, ‘taking stock’ and saying ‘what have I done today that makes me proud’?  And based on these self-observations, gear your future behaviour accordingly.
  4. Say ‘I’m sorry’ – and mean it!  Don’t wait for others to find out what you might have done wrong.  Own up where appropriate.  Express remorse.  And the other aspect of saying ‘I’m sorry’ involves showing compassion, even in the workplace.  There might be deadlines, and a woman may need to go home and see to her children’s supper before sitting down to complete the task that evening.  Let her do that! 
  5. Forgive others.  We are often hard on ourselves. And at the same time, we find it difficult to forgive others who might be doing exactly the same as us but in a different way.  To deepen your understanding of this point I suggest that you read ‘The dark side of the light-chasers’ by Debbie Ford.
  6. Do your best.  I’d like to add, ‘but don’t become complacent’.  Your best yesterday might not be good enough for your best today.  Work on continuously improving your product, your service and the way you operate.  But don’t allow thoughts of not being good enough prevent you from trying.
  7. Work hard.  Develop a culture of productivity incorporating ‘hard work’.  But we also need to ‘work smart’ and this often involves knowing how to effectively delegate, give instructions, prioritise.  So, skills development at every level is important in encouraging the ‘work ethic’.
  8. Say, ‘I love you’. Okay, so this rule may be difficult to extend directly to the work environment.  But validating others  by saying ‘I see you, I hear you and what you say matters’ is showing respect and showing that you care about that person as a human being.
  9. Try new things.  Creativity and innovation are paramount in achieving success in most professions and businesses.  And there are various ways you can go about this. In this volatile, uncertain world, seeing connections and being able to bring together disparate ideas is increasingly important.  Three characteristics that predominate are curiosity, open mindedness and experimentation.  We need to let go of perfection remembering that good ideas can come out of failure.  (As a coach I would provide simple practices in this area.)
  10. Listen to your heart. Sometimes, when we are ruled by our heads (as often has to happen in the business environment) we don’t stop to listen to our hearts.  And where heads are saying one thing, and our hearts saying something different, there will often be a state of paralysis – no action is congruent with both.  Being more intuitive links closely to being ‘open’ to innovation and will often help break the pattern of ‘this is how we have always done it around here!’
  11. Tell the truth.  Be very careful that you are sure what your perceived truth is.  Try to see issues from as many perspectives as possible.  Ask yourself, ‘what really happened, what part did I play, could it have been avoided, how should I better handle a similar situation in the future’?  These are just some examples of the questions you should ask yourself.  And of course there will often be ‘grey areas’ where it is not in anyone’s best interest to volunteer the truth for a whole range of reasons.
  12. Say please and thank you.  The clear message here is that we should not taking anything for granted.  Appreciate what others do.  Show respect. And when you notice ‘some-one doing something right’ immediately acknowledge what you have observed (giving evidence) as this will ensure that you are showing sincere appreciation and not simply flattering the person. 

I’m so excited and feel so strongly about the idea of incorporating these rules into business that I’m offering to run a complimentary pilot programme for one organisation, business or firm.  Distance need not be a deterring factor as we could run part of the programme via Skype.  To qualify for this free twelve-week programme, please make sure that the leadership is committed to ‘making the world a better place for everyone’.  By ‘everyone’ I mean those ‘external’ to the organisation and also those ‘internal’ - the management and staff of the organisation.  The ideal sized group would be any size over 6 people with no maximum number. 

I’m limiting the free offer to one group and I reserve the right to choose which group would be most suitable.  To apply, please contact me personally either by phoning +27 82 4993311 or e-mailing me at brenda@146.66.90.172  before November 7 2013.  Thank you! 

For more information on leadership development, our ‘Flying in formation’ programme, training in communication skills or ‘Executive Coaching’, please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

Excess baggage

November 8, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

This week’s theme involves ‘scraping away the barnacles’.  Most of us are weighed down by excess baggage, both physically  and emotionally  We have ‘blind spots’ and we need to consciously set time aside to rigorously inspect all aspects of our lives to make sure that we are the best we can possibly be in every domain or ‘stream’. 

In ‘Management Mess-ups’ Mark Eppler provides an excellent metaphor.  Walking along the beach in Ireland he noticed that the fishermen were not out fishing that day, but had their boats upside down on the beach.  He was curious as they were losing a day’s income.  He asked and they explained that one day a year they keep their boats on the beach, turn them upside down and scrape them.  It still didn’t make sense.  They went on to explain that they needed to ‘scrape away the barnacles’.  Now he was really intrigued and asked more questions.  The explanation was that over time, the barnacles gradually multiply, building up under the boats, weighing them down.  Thus, if left unattended, the increasing weight of the barnacles would result in the fishermen using up to 40% more fuel to reach the fishing areas.  In addition, the boats would be much less manoeuvrable. 

Doesn’t that sound just like our lives?  We use more energy to achieve our goals and our decreased agility means that we are less likely to recognise and move towards opportunities.  In addition, the heavier our burdens, sometimes the harder it is to move away from threats or negative situations.  So, we need to take action – Now!  But first, we have to ‘see’ through our ‘blind spots’.  Film director, poet, healer, fellow coach and cherished friend, Naahid Nakidien describes this beautifully in ‘Challenges’. 

Challenges

In darkness we sit,

Too scared to see

We’re all afraid to face

Those challenges we need to meet

Deep inside we find

A scary patch of fear we hide

 

Feelings despondent

Too scared to act

Answers to find

Too scared to embrace

Veils to lifts

Too scared to see

 

Crying,

Almost Dying

Always Lying

As we reach in vain

 

The time has come to tackle those demons one by one

The silence needs to find a voice

That’s been paralysed by fear all this time

 

Reach out with vigorous appeal

To release this anxiety

Courage,

Pain,

Sincerity,

Dig deep and take one step to reality.

 

Crawling,

Sitting,

Standing

Stepping out

Reach to the world with eyes that see

 

No more secrets

No more confusion

Only determination and full responsibility

To accept each new challenge

One at a time.

 © Naahid Nakidien

Brenda Eckstein and Naahid Nakidien, guest speaker at the PwC Women’s breakfast in Pietermaritzburg.

If you’d like more information on ‘leadership development’ or ‘executive coaching’ please contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172, Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

Growth and Personal Strategy

November 1, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

‘Growth’ is an important theme in our exciting new 6-week ‘EYES’ (Enhance Your Executive Skills) course which combines individual spontaneous ‘Executive Coaching’ sessions with personal strategy facilitation and group training.  The purpose of this unique course is to ‘kickstart’ participants’ performance so that they can begin 2013 on a high note.  In the first three sessions the themes were Fun, Leadership, And (continuous improvement) and in the fourth session on November 1 2012 we encompass Growth. 

 

We need to see our business and private lives in context.  Unless we fully appreciate our current status, how can we set goals or move forward to a new specific location?  Participants have insightfully clarified their ‘touchstones’ and values and are currently projecting ‘resources’ to the desired levels for the end of 2013.  This week each will establish vision and set relevant, appropriate and achievable goals and tactics.  Crucial to this process is clarity on personal ‘critical success factors’.

Let’s have a look at these.  In order to successfully achieve their ‘vision’ for the end of 2013, it is critical that they are covering the basic FLAG principles:

  • F:  Maximising Energy (and having Fun!)
  • L:  Leading and being forward-focussed – self and teams
  • A:  Continuously improving - ‘an attitude of positive discontent’
  • G:  Growing (knowledge, skills, competencies)

In addition the following are also essential in achieving personal success:

  • Spirituality and enriching ourselves emotionally
  • Addressing the needs of those whom we serve
  • Being agile and yet ‘grounded’ (mentally and physically)
  • Networking through positive relationships and ‘connections’
  • Communicating effectively – finding my ‘voice’
  • Integrating

Let’s consider each of these headings and the questions that participants should be asking themselves.  This is not a comprehensive list, but rather a starting point.  Please add your own additional questions: 

Critical questions

 1.    F:  Maximising energy (and having Fun!)  

  • Energy is renewable.  How am I managing my energy?
  • In what ways am I building energy through conscious attention to quality sleep and rest, fresh air, foods, liquids, cardiovascular and strength exercises?
  • In which ways am I honouring my body?
  • How am I tapping into ‘the wisdom of my body’?

2.    L:  Leading and being forward-focussed – self and teams

  • How clear are my vision, goals and tactics?
  • What am I doing to ensure that my behaviour is ‘forward focused’ on goal-directed behaviour?
  • How clearly and timeously am I communicating my vision, goals and tactics to my teams (work and home)?
  • How am I recognising and motivating those in my work and home teams?
  • What am I doing to empower others so that they can reach potential?
  • What am I doing to reward or ‘shine up’ myself?

 3.    A:  Continuously improving - ‘an attitude of positive discontent’ 

  • How am I honouring my ‘authentic self’ in promoting my ‘personal brand’?
  • How am I continuously improving the way I operate in all domains of my life?
  • Pegged against my current status and the status of those impacting on me, how am I ensuring that I continuously use my tactics to move towards my goals and vision?
  • What routines have I instituted to regularly check that every aspect of my life is ‘the best it can be’?  (In other words, how am I practising ‘an attitude of positive discontent’?)

 4.    G:  Growing (knowledge, skills, competencies)

  • What am I doing to ‘create space’ so that I can grow?
  • What am I doing to establish new ‘pathways’, learn new things (neuroplasticity)?
  • How am I going to add value to my current qualifications?

 5.    Spirituality and enriching ourselves emotionally

  • How connected do I feel to the universe?
  • What practices do I engage in?
  • How am I maximising the incorporation of my ‘touchstones’ into my daily life?
  • How am I caring for my emotional needs?
  • What have I done to ensure that ‘reach out’ is a default and that I ‘shine up’ others?
  • How is ‘being kind to myself’ incorporated in my self-leadership?

 6.    Addressing the needs of those whom we serve

  • Who are the people I serve?  How clearly have I identified them?
  • What business, community and private roles do I play?
  • Who are those people or entities who have power over me?
  • What am I doing to minimise the impact of those who are toxic to me?
  • How am I consciously assessing and meeting the needs of those whom I serve (where appropriate)?
  • What am I doing to be of greater service to those whom I serve?

 7.    Being agile and yet ‘grounded’ (mentally and physically)

  •  How agile am I?  How effectively can I recognise and optimise opportunities? 
  • What am I doing to improve my agility?
  • What can I do to improve the speed at which I move towards positive opportunities and away from negative influences?
  • What grounding practices do I regularly engage in?

 8.    Networking through positive relationships and ‘connections’ 

  • How consistently am I genuinely adopting an attitude of ‘what can I do for you’?
  • How do I go about building and sustaining positive relationships in all aspects of my life?
  • How am I ‘harnessing the power of collective networking’?
  • What is my strategy for taking my networking to a higher level?
  • What am I doing to build and sustain positive relationships?
  • What does the term ‘federated’ mean to me and how am I incorporating?

9.    Communicating effectively – finding my ‘voice’ 

  • What am I doing to constantly ensure that I communicate effectively and at the right time?
  • How am I making sure that my messages have been understood in the way in which I intended them?
  • How constructively do I deal with feedback (given or received)?
  • How am I using my voice?

10. Integrating

  • How am I integrating all aspects of my life?
  • What should I be doing to find greater balance over all areas of my life?

Reflect carefully on these questions.  What other questions should you be asking?

Record your answers and use constructively in setting your plans for the future.  Build in tactics that will support your intentions and help you to be the success that you deserve to be.

If you’d like further information on the training we offer, personal strategy, leadership development or executive coaching, please contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172, Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

Networking Tactics

May 9, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

We all prefer to deal with people we know and trust.  To become the ‘person of choice’, the ‘firm of choice’ or the ‘organisation of choice’, we need to build positive relationships.  Networking skills can help us to do that. 

You can expand your personal network by improving the quality of relationships within your existing network, and also by adding new contacts in a purposeful manner.

Personal networks are dynamic and constantly changing.  Most people would like to expand their networks and at the same time maintain quality and integrity.  In order to do this, you need to pay attention to all the aspects of building your network.  These include improving your skills, identifying your network, organising and updating the information and sustaining relationships.  On this firm foundation you can then build an even stronger and more effective network.

We present a ‘one day’ workshop which includes training in relevant networking skills.   For example, a simple technique for quality conversation is easy to apply.  We’ll also explore ways of developing and expanding the structure of our networks.  

Networking is a ‘critical success factor’ in achieving our goals.  This workshop will help participants to define and capture their personal three-year vision on a one-page plan together with the networking tactics they have chosen to work on. 

You’ll leave the workshop ready to swing into action with your unique ‘one page personal strategy’ and your signed copy of Brenda’s book:  ‘Networking Tactics:  a guide to achieving success through personal strategy’.  As a result of participating effectively in this one-day workshop, participants will be able to: 

  • Understand why networking skills are critical in achieving professional/business success
  • Appreciate that personal networking is a process – and not a ‘transaction’
  • More easily hold quality conversations which help in building positive relationships and also lead to more confidence in attending social engagements
  • Apply skills practised at the workshop and enhance their own style of networking
  • Share ideas on sustaining and expanding their personal networks
  • Incorporate all stakeholders in the networking mix
  • Set personal strategy incorporating their three-year vision, values and networking tactics
  • Complete their personal one-page plan for achieving their personal three year vision and know how to use their personal networking tactics to achieve success
  • Implement their personal  programme.

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