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The sun sets in the West

September 2, 2015 by Brenda Leave a Comment

It is a great privilege to be able to experience the West Coast in South Africa especially during the ‘flower season’.  Although the magic of the natural phenomenon of the flowers bursting into bloom is a great attraction, there is so much else to appreciate.  For example, being the West Coast, the sun sets over the sea and the sunsets are magnificent.  

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As I stood on the beach marvelling at the great beauty of the sunset near Lamberts Bay, I was intrigued by the sound that my shoes were making on the sand.  I looked down and was surprised that I wasn’t standing on sand… there was a layer of shells. 

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Often we may be engrossed using one of our senses in capturing an experience.  However, if we consciously use other senses at the same time, we can expand and include different dimensions to this overall experience.  In the above example, I was using sight to focus on the beauty of the changing light during sunset.   It was almost dark and it was my sense of hearing that alerted me to the fact that I wasn’t treading on sand which is what I’d expect on a South African beach.  The thick layer of shells fascinated me and raised many questions in my mind regarding the reasons for this volume being washed up on the beach.  I still don’t know the answer – do you?

So here we are considering different perspectives.  The sun rises in the east and sets in the west.  So where I come from, KwaZulu-Natal I’m accustomed to watching the sun rise over the sea.  Watching the sun set over the sea provides a shift in focus.  Another change in concentration in my example above was looking out to sea, a horizontal view.  Looking down towards my feet meant a vertical shift.  I also changed from using predominantly sight to capture the experience of sunset, to noticing sound and therefor shifting my view to the shells.  What are you doing to shift your perspective?

We were privileged to see the flowers at their very best this year.  Yet, another focus of reflection is the context within which visitors are able to experience this wonderful natural phenomenon. We were able to enjoy the wonderful hospitality of the local people who are passionate about their surroundings.  And this created the framework in which we were able to experience the magnificence of the natural phenomenon like the flowers, sunsets and beautiful scenery.  

These are amongst my ‘touchstones’ which I define as those experiences, sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings which bring out the best in me and make me feel ‘whole’.  I consciously try to incorporate these into my life wherever possible.  I encourage my clients to do the same – to identify and then incorporate their touchstones into their lives whenever possible.  

My questions for you are:

  1. How can you train yourself to take in more aspects of an experience by using various senses?
  2. By changing your perspective, what else might change?
  3. What are you doing to shift so that you can see things from different perspectives?
  4. How can this help you to become more curious?
  5. What are your touchstones?
  6. How can you incorporate more of these into your life?
  7. How else can you broaden the range of possibilities in your life?
  8. By paying more attention to the framework that is making your experience possible, how can you see aspects of your life in context?
  9. As a result of reading this article (experience), and answering these questions, what other reflections do you have?
  10. In one sentence, please crystallise the meaning you have gained from your reflections.
  11. As a result of this, what action are you going to take?

For further information on Executive Coaching or Leadership Development please see www.strategy-leadership.com or contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

148: Colour your life

January 15, 2014 by Brenda Leave a Comment

I have often written and spoken about the importance of ‘touchstones’ in enhancing our well-being.  ‘Touchstones’ are the experiences, aromas, tastes, sights, sounds, touches that bring out the best in us and make us feel really good?  In my Executive Coaching I help people to identify their touchstones and then consciously bring them into their ‘everyday lives’. 

This ties in with my insights a few years ago when reading ‘Care of the soul’ by Thomas Moore.  The subtitle is ‘A guide for cultivating depth and sacredness in everyday life’.  He says: ‘when you look at the image of soulfulness, you see that it is tied to life in all its particulars – good food, satisfying conversation, genuine friends, and experiences that stay in the memory and touch the heart.  

To demonstrate my message, let me share one of my own examples:  I’m passionate about sunrise and am privileged to live where I can experience the joy of sunrise from my bedroom window each morning.  This starts every day with great wonder and appreciation of my connectedness to the Universe.  I enjoy watching the light changing and going through different tones of pink, I love the sounds of the bird calls backed by the stillness of a world still half asleep. The busyness of the day has not yet begun.

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So, in addition to making sure I’m up every morning in time to experience sunrise, how else can I bring more of that touchstone into my life?  Let’s look at patterns - I enjoy the privilege of having my own garden where I can plant and grow flowers and I consciously plant those that will remind me of sunrise.  Yesterday I was excited to find that a rose I planted last year had come into flower.  Appropriately named, ‘African Dawn’ this rose has the most amazing range of colours.  In the photo you’ll see three flowers from the same bush.

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So I picked those roses and brought them into my home.  What do they remind me of?  You guessed it….. sunrise.  So this is one way in which I’m consciously creating a ‘golden thread’ running through various aspects of my life.  I placed the roses in my coaching room as a reminder that I need to help others to bring their touchstones into their lives on a daily basis.   

A good Executive Coach can help you to live life to the fullest.  The benefits are enormous – more energy, greater work/life balance, enhanced self-leadership and leadership of others.  Continuous improvement leads to sustainable growth and helps us to shift our ‘way of being’.  

What are your touchstones? 

How can you include them even more in your everyday lives?

For more information on coaching or keynote speaking please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311. 

135: Sunrise and sunset

October 6, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Life has many beginnings and many endings.  Yet, each is a transition from that which was ‘before’ to what comes ‘after’.  And we need to consciously embrace these changes but often there will be obstacles holding us back.  My job as an ‘Executive Coach’, using an integral approach, is to help individuals turn their ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  And here another kind of stone, the ‘touchstone’ plays an important part, too. 

I have asked this question in many other articles:  what are your ‘touchstones’?  What are those smells, tastes, sights, sounds and feelings that bring out the best in you?  What are those experiences that make you feel really good?  Which are those situations which make you feel ‘whole’? And once you have identified those ‘touchstones’, what can you do to consciously incorporate more of these optimally every day of your life?  

Let me give you one of my own examples:  each day has a beginning and an ending.  And sunrise and sunset, mark the start and end of daylight.  And with their changing light sunrise and sunset are special ‘touchstones’ for me.  Another ‘touchstone’ is my family whom I value so highly. Today, October 1 2013, I was privileged to enjoy both a beautiful sunrise and a magnificent sunset and be with both my son and daughter and their families.  I started the day on an Alpaca farm at Broke in the Hunter Valley where I was ‘on holiday’ with my son and his family.  And I experienced sunset after I returned to Sydney and went for a walk with my daughter and her family in St Ives. 

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Sunrise at the Alpaca farm in Broke, Hunter Valley, NSW.

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Sunset in St Ives, Sydney, NSW.

We need to give priority to integrating our ‘touchstones’ into our lives wherever possible.  For example, if I don’t wake up in time and go outside, I’m not going to experience the magnificent changes that sunrise brings.  And the same applies at sunset.  And if I don’t spend as much time as possible with my family, I’m also going to miss out on one of life’s greatest gifts. Pausing to appreciate these strengthens the benefits.  The simple act of stopping to focus through the lense of a camera also adds a new dimension. 

So, I’ll ask the questions again: 

  • What are your ‘touchstones’?
  • How are you consciously incorporating them in your life on an ongoing basis?
  • How often are you stopping so you can fully appreciate those things which make you feel really good?
  • What else are you doing to create ‘space’ in your life so you can recognise and optimise opportunities for embracing your unique ‘touchstones’?
  • How can you use your ‘touchstones’ to help you enjoy change?

For more information on ‘Executive Coaching’ or Keynote Speaking please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

Touchstones: catch some-one doing something right

December 19, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

We all benefit from genuine praise. It motivates and energises. ‘Catching a member of your team doing something right’ and showing immediate sincere appreciation is a competence which you can develop. It takes practice.  This applies equally in our business, personal and community lives.  And we develop these skills during many of the BEI courses. 

Let me tell you a story:  Today I ‘caught someone doing something right’ in bringing their ‘touchstones’ into their work lives.  I immediately found out who the leader was, called her and told her how much I appreciated her actions. 

I’ll set the scene, ‘frame’ the event.  I was lying in my hospital bed thinking how fortunate I am - for so many reasons.  Scans had excluded suspected serious conditions.  I had been given a private ward when it is often almost impossible to get any bed in the hospital. It was peaceful.  

The view from my window was exquisite.  I enjoyed watching the blue sky and clouds change shape.  If I looked down there was some activity in the hospital carpark, but no disturbing sounds. At the centre of my ‘picture’ were two flags waving ‘hello’.  The first showed ‘Brand South Africa’ and the other, ‘Brand Netcare’. Through the fence was the busy road with cars and taxis speeding to their destinations.  

Across the road were two huge buildings, ‘Natalia’ and ‘The Library’.  Both have a special meaning for me as they were designed by the architect who designed our house (for himself) and from whom we bought our home.  Between these buildings, in the distance, up in the green hills below Worlds View, I could see our home and I absolutely love our beautiful home which is one of my own ‘touchstones’.  Patterns were forming. 

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The view from my window: Sunday, December 16 2012.

Recognising similarities and patterns is important in our lives and especially for coaching to be successful.  As ‘integral coaches’, we help clients learn to take their ‘stumbling blocks’ and turn them into ‘stepping stones’.  Thus they treat ‘negatives’ as ‘challenges’ which they can consciously learn to use effectively for their own benefit. 

One of the techniques I use is asking a BIG question:  ‘How can you incorporate more of your ‘touchstones’ into your daily lives’?  Through conversation I first help clients to identify those smells, tastes, sights, sounds and feelings that bring out the best in them, make them feel ‘whole’ or ‘really good’.  We spend time exploring these factors.  Then whatever the ‘issue’ (another term for ‘stumbling block’) facing them, the next question revolves around how to incorporate more ‘touchstones’ in dealing with the ‘stumbling block’?  How can we incorporate more of our ‘touchstones’ (those experiences that bring out the best in us) into our work, private and community lives?

So, that sets the scene for the wonderful example I had today at St Anne’s Hospital in Pietermaritzburg. It is Sunday morning and the surgical ward is very quiet as most of the doctors have gone on holiday and there were few scheduled operations this, the week before Christmas.  As I lay in bed photographing the beautiful view from my window (please see the photo above), I heard the melodious sounds of gospel singers.  I felt great joy.  It was wonderful that these professional singers should voluntarily visit hospitals and sing for the patients on a Sunday.  I wanted to see who they were, but was confined to bed.  I wanted to know if they had possibly produced a CD I could buy for a friend.  I lay there hoping they would walk towards my room so that I could see them and thank them personally, but unfortunately they didn’t. 

I rang the bell and one of the nurses immediately came to me, but unfortunately the group had completed their singing in our ward.  I asked who the professional singers were and was astounded to find that they were the staff in my ward!  They gather together to pray early most mornings and where possible burst into spontaneous song. Any of the staff who wish to do so are welcome to join in.  And the songs vary from day to day.  I asked and was told that ‘Boni’ was the leader so of course I asked that she come and speak to me.  What a charming young lady she is!  I learnt that she has no formal training in singing but sings in the Catholic Church.  She shows great leadership potential, too.  Being able to lead a constantly changing group (mostly considerably older than her) in a variety of songs which are different each time takes great skill.  The music comes from their hearts.  To me this is true ‘soul’ music.

Boniswe Sithole, Student Nurse, St Annes, Pietermaritzburg.

Boniswe Sithole, Student Nurse, St Annes, Pietermaritzburg.

What is our lesson from this?  It is wonderful that the staff are able to incorporate singing, one of their ‘touchstones’, an activity they are passionate about, into their work lives.  At the same time, the ‘ripple’ effect to their patients is enormous.  It also strengthens the bond between the team members (nursing staff).  Thank you to Boni for leading today’s singing. I also commend the other singers, too. 

So from this story, how can we use these examples to enrich our own lives? 

  • Firstly, identify your ‘touchstones’. Think of the smells, tastes, sights, sounds and experiences that bring out the best in you – the things that make you feel ‘whole’. 

(These nurses are passionate about singing.)

  • How can you use these ‘touchstones’ to turn your ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’?

(The seriousness of their daily work is complemented by the joyous singing which enables them focus and to cope better.)

  • How can you use patterns to enhance your functioning?

(The nurses recognise that some staff voluntarily wish to join them in prayer followed by singing.  They notice a pattern in that this activity gives them a good start to their long hours of duty.)

  • How can you incorporate more of your ‘touchstones’ into all aspects of your life?

(The nurses sing at work, at a specific and appropriate time, they also sing at home and they sing at their churches or other places of worship.)

  • What can you do to ‘catch people doing something right’ and sincerely ‘polish them?

(I immediately rang the bell for a nurse, found out who the leader was, invited her to come to my bedside and throughout the day asked and commended any of the other nurses who had been involved in the singing. I also posted this article on my website, mentioned my experience in my evaluation on being discharged and sent a copy of this article to the management team.)

You’ll find another article on the topic of ‘Catch some-one doing something right’ on our website. 

For more information on Leadership Development, Team Development or Executive Coaching please contact Brenda on +27 82 4993311 or +27 33 3425432, brenda@146.66.90.172 or www.strategy-leadership.com

Life is full of stories

March 13, 2012 by Brenda 2 Comments

Life is full of stories.  Some we tell in words – and sometimes pictures speak to us.  Here is the chronicle of a week of my life, seen through the filter of ‘sunrise’. 

Sunday:  this week began in Cape Town where I love watching the light change as the sun rises behind the Waterfront.

 

Wednesday:  at home in Pietermaritzburg, the view from my window excites me as each new day dawns.

 

Saturday:  the week ended in the KZN Midlands at Hartford House, award winning country hotel, a ‘world-class hotel on a world-class stud farm’.  We were the guests of Mick and Cheryl Goss and this was a truly memorable experience.  The mist hung over the dam next to our cottage and sunrise enriched the mystery of the new day. 

 

So, what does this story tell us?  On reflection, it tells me that I need to include those sights, sounds and other experiences that truly make me feel ‘alive’.  ‘Sunrise’ is one of my ‘touchstones’ and I try to incorporate every day where possible. 

What are your ‘touchstones’?  Think about it carefully.  List those experiences that make you feel your best.  What are they?  And then try to include these in as many different aspects of your life as possible.

Let me give you an example:  one of my coaching clients loves the sound of natural moving water.  The sea, waterfalls and streams are ‘touchstones’ for her.  When I visited her at work, I asked her how she was incorporating these elements in her business life.  Through our conversation she realised that she wasn’t doing enough.  There was a beautiful stream at the end of the business property and her practice was to begin taking her lunch and enjoying it next to the stream.  She loved these daily trips and felt that this was good for her soul!

So, think again.  What are some of those experiences that make you feel really good?  You can bring them into your life even in the form of photos – just as I have done in the ‘chronicle’ above.  The same applies with people.   I took a photo of my coaching course leaders who are outstanding role models.  I’m placing that in my office and whenever I’m not certain how I should handle a situation, my question to myself is:  ‘what questions would Craig and Janine ask me right now?’.  My answers help me to be in touch with my reality.

Let me ask you again:  Who are those people who inspire you, help you to grow?  How can you incorporate them in your life even more?  

Identify the people who have a positive impact on your life.  Be more aware of those sights, smells, sounds and feelings that bring out the best in you.  Carefully consider how you can include in your ‘story’ and you will benefit. 

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