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Attitude or behaviour?

October 12, 2014 by Brenda Leave a Comment

During a recent stay at the Oyster Box Hotel I met a fellow trainer and coach from the UK.  I was delighted to be invited to observe one of his excellent training sessions during which he asked participants the question:  ‘What is more important, attitude or behaviour?’  This generated healthy discussion.   Pondering their responses, I thought of the work of Dr John Adair who in one of his books entitled, ‘Action Centred Leadership’ draws attention to the fact that a person can have all the characteristics of a good leader, but if that person doesn’t put them into action (behaviour) they remain dormant characteristics. 

The question of the importance of attitude and/or behaviour linked to my experiences as a presenter of interactive workshops.  During the sessions, wherever possible, I get participants to practise using their own examples from their work, home and community lives.  And as the day progresses, they become more and more proficient.  However, no matter how enthusiastic participants might appear during the session and how much they show the right attitude, I receive little feedback, especially after short courses.  I want to know how they have applied the new techniques and other learnings during the days, weeks and months following the workshop.  

So I was delighted when Bradley Bissessar, Senior Security Supervisor at the Oyster Box Hotel, a few weeks after attending ‘How to get your point across’ proudly showed me how he carries the formulae cards with him in his wallet as a reminder to apply the principles (Please see the photo).  He spontaneously and enthusiastically told me exactly how he is applying the simple formulae he mastered during the workshop.  He gave me an example of how in his work situation he has used the PREP formula for safety briefings to groups of guests.   This enables him to easily structure his information into a coherent talk which is logical and easy to follow.  Bradley says:  ‘the course gave me a lot of confidence in myself.  It helps me to get my point across effectively’.  He also added ‘knowledge is power. And this is a priceless gift that cannot be taken away even with the essence of time. Use it wisely.’

Bradley Bissessar.

Bradley Bissessar.

He is also constantly applying the formulae in his private life. An example is where he used the PREP and assertiveness formulae to structure a personal letter and this helped him to crystallise his feelings and resolve an issue amicably.  Well done, Bradley!  So he has applied the learnings and made them part of his way of functioning.  It becomes so easy when you know how! 

Yes, it is important to have the right attitude.   In the case of training sessions, people might be eager (attitude) to improve the way they do things (behaviour).  And they might participate effectively on the day (attitude and behaviour).  However, the way the person actively and consistently applies and practises afterwards will determine ongoing success.  New neural pathways need to be built. 

Let’s move away from the training perspective and look at the question of ‘attitude or behaviour’ from an integral coaching approach. Attitude shows a ‘way of being’ and in coaching terms this links to ‘heart’. Behaviour links to ‘action’.  So a missing component is ‘head’.  The next question is how do we bring ‘head’ into the equation?  By helping our clients to ‘self-observe’ they become aware of what they are or aren’t doing, feeling and experiencing. They might notice their ‘blind spots’. By practising the right behaviours over and over we build new neural pathways.  Through an Integral or Executive Coaching approach clients can thus more easily ‘self-correct’ and ‘self-generate’ and thus shift their ‘way of being’.  

Going back to the original question regarding ‘attitude or behaviour’ being more important, while I believe that a combination of attitude and behaviour is important, there are many other aspects in achieving sustainable success. What is your opinion? 

For more information on training in communication skills, leadership development or executive coaching, please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

Successful women

August 27, 2014 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Have you read ‘Lean In:  women, work, and the will to lead’ by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook?  It has stirred up some challenging responses from both men and women.  One of my clients gave me a copy and reading it has inspired me to observe certain leadership behaviour patterns in others and in me. 

This topic was the inspiration behind conversation at a recent lunch at my favourite coffee shop, Aubergine to which I had invited seven of my women friends. It is amazing what happens when you gather around a table eight intelligent, diverse women who don’t know each other, nor who have any agenda (either hidden or declared!).  Thank you to Cheryne, Des, Hannah, May, Pam, Pranitha and Rosie for sharing their responses and for their quality input into our conversations.  

L-R:  Pranitha Pather, Rosie Chite, and May Bingham.

L-R: Pranitha Pather, Rosie Chite, and May Bingham.

Success 

First, I asked them to write their ‘gut’ response in defining or describing ‘success’.   The answers were fascinating and included: 

  • Independence, guidance and the ability to make a difference in other’s lives; happiness at work and at home but continuously involved in the learning process.
  • Happiness in the ‘in-between’ moments; loving the sound of the alarm in the mornings; striving for excellence; satisfaction with a job well done; making a difference; mentoring; confident in own abilities   I matter: what I do matters.
  • Balance implying appropriateness for individuals in time management, which will differ from person to person, under different conditions.
  • Love what you do; see others growing through you and the ability to seeing and live the outcomes to your actions; and to be able to let go and let others go.
  • Enjoy and find your passion.
  • Learn from failure and be able to move on.

Characteristics of a successful woman

Next they were asked to list ten characteristics of a successful woman.  I have divided their responses into four groups or domains:

D1

  • Honesty and integrity – ethics and values.
  • Courage.
  • Self-Belief.
  • Humility.
  • High standards – aim at excellence.
  • Kind, empathetic, loving.
  • Positive attitudes - enjoy hard work – don’t see it as ‘work’.
  • Sense of humour.
  • Inner strength.
  • Enthusiasm.
  • Passion for ‘work’.
  • Joy.
  • Patience.
  • Authenticity and not having to prove oneself by being a ‘superwoman’.

D2

  • Confident and prepared to take a chance.
  • Resilient.
  • Flexible, adaptive.
  • Strong.
  • Powerful.
  • Have an opinion and be able to share and convince others.
  • Develop and grow people to see the change and make them happy.
  • Listening openly to others for interest – not just for networking.
  • Learning always – from family, peers, workers and network.
  • Stable, grounded and rock-like.
  • Curiosity – ask questions – and then really listen to the answers.
  • Open minded – and also know when to close it!
  • Fit - physically and emotionally.
  • Motivated.
  • Articulate for accurate communication.
  • Have the ability to ‘go against the flow’.
  • Leadership.

D3 

  • Emotionally intelligent.
  • Tolerance but with clear boundaries.
  • Non- discriminative – research and know before taking a decision.
  • Generosity.
  • Quick to praise and do this publicly.
  • Slow to criticise and do this privately.
  • Community spirit.
  • Helpful.
  • Empowered.

D4

  • Visionary.
  • Determination in achieving goals.
  • Attention to career development and success.
  • Chosen balance between work and family.
  • Faith in something more powerful than you.
  • Balance – whatever that means to each individual.
  • Knowledge.
  • Ability to separate life roles.

As South African women, how can we ‘lean in’ more?

This was the third and final question.  

We need to:

  • Develop the competence to know what to do;
  • Stop seeing each other as competition;
  • Engage with women from all communities, particularly in business;
  • Mentor, encourage, inspire and work with everyone;
  • Support each other – males and females;
  • Be sensitive to the process of withdrawing when necessary, and then  returning if necessary;
  • Share in forums and groups for quality conversations;
  • Participate and not just observe;
  • Lose the fear;
  • Be aware – have a finger on the pulse of situations;
  • Be postmodern – well-informed;
  • Be in the present;
  • Network;
  • Use the voice we have;
  • Support and motivate.

This exercise is not intended as an academic survey but simply the spontaneous answers written individually by a group of eight diverse women; the exercise took less than ten minutes.  Quality conversation and the sharing of ideas, the purpose of the meeting was achieved. A greater understanding of each other and of the way different people view the world was the outcome.  Great insights were gained and the conversations continued naturally and informally after the event.  This is a great way to build relationships and to network. 

Two years ago, under similar circumstances, I asked a group of women to list the characteristics of a successful woman.  Their answers are outlines in an article entitled, ‘Success is…’. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all show these characteristics and feel successful?  Through Executive Coaching, whether you are a woman or a man, you can shift towards a better ‘way of being’.  This will enhance all aspects of your life. 

For more information on Executive Coaching, training in networking and communication skills or the other services offered by Brenda Eckstein International, please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

114: Relevance

April 19, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

If we wish to stay in business we need to remain relevant to our target markets.  That statement may seem obvious.  However, particularly when riding the waves of success, we may become complacent without realising it. In this rapidly evolving world, the consequence of not regularly checking our relevance could mean our becoming obsolete and thus going out of business.  Recent examples are Kodak and Borders. And in the words of Michael McQueen ‘many of the world’s top brands are dropping like flies’. 

As an example of remaining relevant, let’s look at a specific business, the ‘speaking’ business.   As speakers if we aren’t timeously providing a message that is relevant to each audience it is unlikely that we will remain successful.  We need to check regularly.  How do we do that?

Michael McQueen and Brenda Eckstein, speakers at the TAFI convention in South Africa.

Michael McQueen and Brenda Eckstein, speakers at the TAFI convention in South Africa.

Australian speaker, Michael McQueen has an excellent, simple model using relevance and time as the two axes.  This tool can be applied in any business. 

I have watched Michael in action and he personally ‘walks the talk’.  He remains relevant to his audiences.  Recently I was privileged to be in the audience at two of his talks on the same topic, ‘relevance’ and these presentations took place less than a month apart.  The audiences were very different and yet he was able to effectively address their specific needs. 

At the first event, we were both presenters at the TAFI (Travel Agents Federation of India) Convention in Durban, South Africa. The 1000 travel agents in the audience (mostly the owners of their businesses) were fascinated by Michael’s strong message which really ‘hit home’ for them.  They felt that he understood their industry and they were motivated to ‘take action’ in checking the current relevance of their businesses in India.  His message was powerful and would help them navigate change and stay ahead in the relevance curve. 

Less than a month later, Michael presented his talk on ‘relevance’ at the NSAA (National Speakers’ Association of Australia) convention up at the Gold Coast.  As a member of the New South Wales Chapter, I was in the audience.  I’m convinced that every member of that audience would have been motivated to check the relevance of their business on Michael’s simple model and then take appropriate action.  So, Michael is an excellent example of the business of speaking, the art of speaking and the heart of speaking.  Well done, Michael! 

Regardless of what business you are in, how relevant is your business right now?  And on the time line, how far along the relevance curve are you?  Are you moving towards the ‘tipping point’ or are you further along and nearing the ‘turning point’?  Or have you gone past that and are in a downward trend?  And where-ever you are on this journey, what is the appropriate immediate action for you?  Asking these questions will not only give your business a greater chance of survival, it could lead to multiplying your success.  Recognising opportunities and then optimising them are skills which can be enhanced. 

I trust that this article has given you ‘food for thought’.   For more information on ‘relevance’ and how you can be assisted in navigating change, you may wish to visit Michael McQueen’s website or e-mail: info@TheNexgenGroup.com.  The author of 3 best selling books, Michael's newest release, Winning the Battle for Relevance is a revealing look at why good ideas and great companies become obsolete and how to avoid their fate. 

For more information on the ‘speaking’ and other services offered by Brenda Eckstein International, please visit www.strategy-leadership.com or e-mail brenda@146.66.90.172

Success is…

June 25, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Personal success is a hot topic in ‘executive coaching’ and also forms a central theme in leadership development, both being areas in which I work extensively.  Firstly we need to define what ‘success’ means to that specific person right now.  What would life look like if you were successful?  What are the steps needed to achieve that state?  And once achieved, what does it take for you to ‘feel’ successful?

 L-R (front):  Genevieve Chubb (partner, Colenbrander Inc, accountants), Kerry Koen (first South African woman home in this year’s Comrades Marathon),  and (back) Shubnum Ismail (PR and marketing, St Annes Hospital, Pietermaritzburg). 

I invited seven local women whom I consider to be exceptionally ‘successful’ to lunch.  When they arrived I jokingly told them (but I meant it!):  ‘there is no such thing as a free lunch! The purpose of enjoying this meal together includes exploring the phenomenon of success’.  Out came my clipboards and simple questionnaires for the ‘guests’ to complete.  Some aspects of the consolidated input are outlined below. 

Definitions of success:

As would be expected, these definitions varied enormously.  Generally it was felt that accomplishment on its own does not constitute ‘success’.  There needs to be something deeper and more enduring than a simple sense of accomplishment. 

A definition that I felt captured the essence of what we mean by success is:  ‘The achievement of an authentic and worthy goal or ideal that the person is deeply connected to.’  In order for the person to feel ‘successful’ there needs to be a deep emotional connection aligned with their passion.  Thus the congruence with life’s mission is imperative for this to be ‘true success’.  And this would form a sound base for feelings of contentment.

L-R:  Hushendree Naicker (Pharmacist, MBA), Meryl Kurz (organiser musical shows and cabaret evenings for over 30 years), Debra Kahn (attorney, first female director of Stowell and Co). 

Characteristics of a successful woman

There was great variation and I have incorporated characteristics from a previous ‘survey’, too.  The outcomes are interesting because they enable us to identify skills that women may need to work on.  

A successful woman is one who:

  1. Usually (but not always) has strong leadership qualities.
  2. Has the ability to bring together people to achieve common objectives.
  3. Inspires others.
  4. Has the ability to listen, really listen.
  5. Is self-less, understanding, compassionate, kind and loving.
  6. Has strong family values.
  7. Is goal-oriented and persistently works towards her goals. Thus she is dedicated and committed.
  8. Has the necessary skills to accomplish what she sets out to do.
  9. Is objective.
  10. Is creative and able to use her creativity to find solutions to challenges.
  11. Is able to deal with daily challenges and learns from them.
  12. Has a positive attitude.
  13. Is confident and poised.  Has feelings of self-worth.
  14. Has strong, authentic ‘personal branding’ – portrays a successful image and is consistent.
  15. Is courageous and un-intimidated.
  16. Is strong.
  17. Is adventurous in continuously improving and ‘finding another mountain’.
  18. Is dynamic and has energy.
  19. Is motivated.
  20. Enjoys life and has fun.  (Again, how each individual does this will vary from person to person.)
  21. Is a role model.
  22. Mixes with friends who help to promote her to being successful (not those who are toxic).
  23. Is loyal.

The above characteristics are listed in random order.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all exhibit many of those characteristics?  If you would like to come closer to achieving ‘success’ and feeling ‘successful’, ‘executive coaching’ can help you.  In addition, leadership development programmes and training in ‘Personal Branding’ can also help. For more information, please contact me brenda@146.66.90.172,  Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

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