Brenda Eckstein International

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Beneath the surface

October 28, 2015 by Brenda 1 Comment

You might wonder what this photo represents?  And what is the importance?

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Photo 1.

Let me set the scene: I was sitting on the veranda at the wonderful Oyster Box Hotel and my new phone was placed on the table in front of me. I clicked the camera button by mistake and a few minutes later I happened to see the picture above on my phone screen. 

Parts making up the whole

Let’s dissect the composition and identify the parts making up the whole.  Starting at the top and working in a clockwise direction from 1 o’clock, first you see the top of my upright black computer bag.  At 2 o’clock is my big toe.  Next comes the black and white paisley pattern on the slacks I was wearing.  Conveniently at 6 o’clock is the divider between tiles which are part of the beautiful patterns on the veranda floor.  The strange white article at 8 o’clock is a foot of the metal table leg.  And then you get to the computer case again.   The patterns in the top left corner are part of seat of one of the chairs.

Reflection

So, if I had looked down through a tiny crack in the pattern on the table surface, that is what I might have seen. This would have depended on my exact position and the angle at which I was peering through the crack.  But how often do we see only what is in front of us?  In my case, I was looking at the computer on the table, Ed and Izzy seated at the table with me, the people around me and all the elements which I selectively focussed on - or which happened to ‘catch my eye’.  But, here was this whole exciting, beautiful world under the surface.  And in this case, I might have missed it if I hadn’t clicked the button on my phone by mistake.  If I hadn’t immediately tried to work out the items in the picture, I might have had a battle to identify them.  In this case, the white table leg would really have been confusing.  I had to look beneath the table to see what I had photographed!

Meaning

I stopped to consider what this experience and these reflections might mean to me?  More often I need to stop, take my attention away from my immediate focus, be curious and look in a different direction. 

Experimentation

By this time I was really curious and decided to experiment.  What would happen if I moved my phone just a fraction – only a millimetre or two, and then took another photo?

Photo 2.

Photo 2.

I did, and Photo 2 is what I saw!  This was very different to what I had seen in the previous picture.

So my questions for you are:

  • How often do you stop and see what is below the surface?
  • And then, how carefully do you identify each item in the composition?
  • In other words, what can you do to deconstruct the complexity of the picture?
  • If you shifted your view just a fraction, how different might your perception be?
  • Or if your view is captured in the first photo, how often do you stop to consider that another person may be seeing a view just a few millimetres different to yours?

My invitation is to use this metaphor and try the same exercise. And then expand on it by looking not only downward, but upward, north, south, east and west.

My BIG question then becomes, in relation to a specific issue, how can you use the experience of going through these questions to reflect and then make meaning of your view?  Following that, how are you going to experiment with new behaviour to enhance your ‘way of being’?

I look forward to hearing from you.  For feedback and information on coaching or leadership development please contact Brenda Eckstein at brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 33 342 5432.

The Power of Caring and Sharing

January 24, 2012 by Brenda 2 Comments

Most of us are inundated by e-mails and we may regard our unwanted messages as ‘time stealers’.  However, we appreciate those that enable us to function more efficiently in our business or private lives. These are important. We also enjoy receiving others because they share something special with us.  It might be a photo of a friend’s child’s first day at school or a grand-daughter wearing her new glasses.  It could be a message or newsletter giving us a glimpse of friends lives. Or it could be another personal message that we are delighted to receive. 

And occasionally – just sometimes we receive an unexpected message that truly enriches our lives. Let me tell you a story.  I’m part of a coaching group and my ‘class mates’ know I’m passionate about sunrise and the changing light at sunset.  These experiences are what I call ‘touchstones’.  

Every now and then, one of the class members will send me an e-mail with a photo and this is so easy to do from their phones.  I just love those e-mails.  Some-one has cared enough to ‘take action’ and let me know in a positive way that they are thinking about me.  That is truly powerful.

There have been many of these thoughtful messages and I’m grateful for every single one.   For example, Pam sent me a beautiful photo of sunrise with the message ‘I thought of you when I was driving to work this morning and took this photo’.  This week, Guy sent me the photo below with ‘Brenda, I thought of you and took this picture.’

This ‘cares for my soul’.  By the way, if you haven’t yet read Thomas Moore’s ‘Care of the Soul:  a guide for cultivating depth and sacredness in everyday life’, you’ll be doing yourself a favour if you order a copy and read it.

With one of the clients I’m coaching at present, as a distinction, we used a picture of blue sky, mountains and trees and then a busy river with logs and lumberjacks at the bottom of the photo. These were all metaphors for different aspects of his life.  Over the 6 months of our coaching sessions he has done exceptionally well in establishing new habits and enriching his life.  Recently, in the KZN midlands where we live, he moved home and told me about the new view from his veranda.  Yesterday I received this photo from him and was so very thrilled that he had thought of sharing.

His message was simple, but powerful:

Hi Brenda, 

This is my view every day from my veranda. 

Sky, trees & hills, "small" water. 

Regards, Gary 

This spontaneous message is also one of the best e-mails I have ever received.   It shows me a beautiful scene, one of great peace, and helps me to visualise his new life in context.  This ‘picture’ fits so well with our distinction and ‘future narrative’ in our coaching.  So, he has turned many ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’ and I’m so happy for him.

So, what is my message to you?  There is great power in sharing. And I’m not talking about group messages.   Let people know individually you care and that you are thinking of them, in a way that ‘touches their souls’.  You’ll be enriching their lives and yours as well. 

You may wish to do the exercise below: 

1.  Calculate roughly how many e-mail messages you have received over the last week.  (You don’t have to be exact.) 

  •        How many of them have meant a great deal to you personally?
  •        What is it about those messages that have made you feel good?

You’ll most probably find that the percentage of meaningful messages you received is low.

2. Then reflect on:

  • How many individual messages (not group messages) have you sent where you have let some-one know sincerely that you thought of them in a special way?
  • Right now, look around you.  Who could you take a photo for?  Continue looking over the next few hours – or even days – until you find something that will mean a great deal to that person.  Send it to them with a message that will ‘touch their souls’.  The message can be very short – see the examples above.

Take action!  Tell others that you care.  Share in a personally meaningful way and you will be enriching the lives of others. You’ll also be building stronger relationships. 

You are welcome to share your stories with me – brenda@146.66.90.172  I look forward to hearing from you.  Thank you!

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