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Beneath the surface

October 28, 2015 by Brenda 1 Comment

You might wonder what this photo represents?  And what is the importance?

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Photo 1.

Let me set the scene: I was sitting on the veranda at the wonderful Oyster Box Hotel and my new phone was placed on the table in front of me. I clicked the camera button by mistake and a few minutes later I happened to see the picture above on my phone screen. 

Parts making up the whole

Let’s dissect the composition and identify the parts making up the whole.  Starting at the top and working in a clockwise direction from 1 o’clock, first you see the top of my upright black computer bag.  At 2 o’clock is my big toe.  Next comes the black and white paisley pattern on the slacks I was wearing.  Conveniently at 6 o’clock is the divider between tiles which are part of the beautiful patterns on the veranda floor.  The strange white article at 8 o’clock is a foot of the metal table leg.  And then you get to the computer case again.   The patterns in the top left corner are part of seat of one of the chairs.

Reflection

So, if I had looked down through a tiny crack in the pattern on the table surface, that is what I might have seen. This would have depended on my exact position and the angle at which I was peering through the crack.  But how often do we see only what is in front of us?  In my case, I was looking at the computer on the table, Ed and Izzy seated at the table with me, the people around me and all the elements which I selectively focussed on - or which happened to ‘catch my eye’.  But, here was this whole exciting, beautiful world under the surface.  And in this case, I might have missed it if I hadn’t clicked the button on my phone by mistake.  If I hadn’t immediately tried to work out the items in the picture, I might have had a battle to identify them.  In this case, the white table leg would really have been confusing.  I had to look beneath the table to see what I had photographed!

Meaning

I stopped to consider what this experience and these reflections might mean to me?  More often I need to stop, take my attention away from my immediate focus, be curious and look in a different direction. 

Experimentation

By this time I was really curious and decided to experiment.  What would happen if I moved my phone just a fraction – only a millimetre or two, and then took another photo?

Photo 2.

Photo 2.

I did, and Photo 2 is what I saw!  This was very different to what I had seen in the previous picture.

So my questions for you are:

  • How often do you stop and see what is below the surface?
  • And then, how carefully do you identify each item in the composition?
  • In other words, what can you do to deconstruct the complexity of the picture?
  • If you shifted your view just a fraction, how different might your perception be?
  • Or if your view is captured in the first photo, how often do you stop to consider that another person may be seeing a view just a few millimetres different to yours?

My invitation is to use this metaphor and try the same exercise. And then expand on it by looking not only downward, but upward, north, south, east and west.

My BIG question then becomes, in relation to a specific issue, how can you use the experience of going through these questions to reflect and then make meaning of your view?  Following that, how are you going to experiment with new behaviour to enhance your ‘way of being’?

I look forward to hearing from you.  For feedback and information on coaching or leadership development please contact Brenda Eckstein at brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 33 342 5432.

Humour adds life

January 4, 2015 by Brenda Leave a Comment

The most serious situations can often be softened by outrageous humour.   Here is a story which really ‘takes the cake’!

Let me set the scene:  Recently, my husband Edgar experienced a medical crisis in which he needed to be transported by ambulance to an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) more than an hour away from our home city, Pietermaritzburg.  This was an emergency and I needed to be based near the Umhlanga Hospital.  Our favourite hotel, the Oyster Box Hotel became my place of refuge.  The management and staff provided a sound base from where I could visit my husband a few times a day, have my laundry done and be looked after in a myriad of ways.  Despite the fact that this was the Christmas week where the hotel was fully booked with local and international holiday makers, the management and staff charmingly supported me and accommodated me as the story evolved over a four day period.  Nothing seemed too much trouble for them. 

When Edgar was discharged on Christmas Eve, we chose to spend the night at the hotel so that we could be near the hospital and also avoid the traffic on the journey back to Pietermaritzburg.  On Christmas day as we were about to depart from the hotel, the General Manager, Wayne Coetzer and his team presented us with a gift, a cake made specially for us.  But this was no ordinary Christmas cake!

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The cake prepared by the Oyster Box Hotel Management Team.

Here is my response:

Dear Wayne,

I prefer your representation of events.  It really does ‘take the cake’!  ‘Ed in bed’ looks much happier (and healthier) than in the photo below where he is the ambulance bed.  

Dem Kambouris, Edgar Eckstein and ‘ER 24’ Ambulance Support attendant, Yenziwe Olifant.

L-R: Dem Kambouris, Edgar Eckstein and ‘ER 24’ Ambulance Support attendant, Yenziwe Olifant.

Wayne, ‘thank you’ to you and your team for going to so much trouble and making us laugh. We love the detail on the cake – the drip, bottle, blood and bald patch at the back of Ed’s head are all relevant details.   The cake was a great parting gift and we look forward to eating the delicious contents, too.  Please thank Kevin, Tyler and whoever else was involved in the conception and execution of this hilarious Christmas present.  Humour certainly does add life!

Warm wishes and grateful thanks from both of us,

Brenda

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L-R: Executive Chef, Kevin Joseph, Assistant General Manager, Tyler Liebenberg and General Manager, Wayne Coetzer.

The Oyster Box Hotel has a soul.  While maintaining excellence and professionalism, the management and staff get the job done.  Yet, kindness and caring prevail and these values are lived consistently at every level in the organisation.  I applaud the Red Carnation Hotels Collection in sustaining high standards yet making sure that they put people first. 

For more information on the services offered by Brenda Eckstein International please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

Leadership development: ‘the imposter syndrome’

August 28, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

People who are promoted to leadership positions often feel inadequate in their new roles.  Women, in particular, lack confidence and don’t understand why others should have faith in their ability.  

The ‘imposter syndrome’ is well researched and documented.  In the ‘Human Enterprise’ newsletter of March 27 2012, in an excellent article on this topic, Paul Mitchell says:   

‘These days of course we have a label for everything, it's called "The Imposter Syndrome".  Many executives suffer from it.  Pushing forward, yet wondering whether their strategy really will be successful, or they will be "found out". 

Despite every evidence of their competence and success, internally they feel like frauds, and don't feel they deserve the success they have achieved.’ 

There is a difference between feeling like an impostor and being one.  And we all know that impostors do exist!  They come in many shapes and forms.  And we need to be alert and discriminating to ‘pick up something fishy’. 

This morning I uncovered a real-life situation.  Let me give you some background.  I love staying at the Oyster Box Hotel, Umhlanga.  This isn’t just a place or just a hotel.  It has a soul.   And part of my daily ritual is going for a walk along the Promenade at sunrise.  The sight of the sun rising over the sea has magical qualities.  

However, this morning, before leaving the hotel, I went to ‘reception’ and said ‘good morning’ to Skabenga (Zulu and means ‘rascal’), the characterful resident cat and took some photos of him.  Please have a careful look at his coat and tail.  This is important evidence. 

August 23 2012 – 6:35am Skabenga in the hotel foyer.

A while ago, Skabenga was publicly accused of allegedly attacking a dog (or was it a human?) on the Promenade.  We all knew that Skabenga was not the guilty party. There had to be an impostor! The General Manager of the Oyster Box responded to the press coverage saying that he was surprised that Skabenga should leave the comfort of his five star luxury living to mingle with the common folk on the Promenade.  So, if he doesn’t ever leave the hotel grounds, how could he be the guilty party?  Really! 

Those who believed in the innocence of their feline friend suspected that there was an imposter.  They ‘smelled a rat’!   And they were right – there definitely was ‘something fishy’.   Today I captured the culprit on camera.  I felt like a paparazzi (or would I be a mamma-razzi?) as I stalked the feline imposter as he/she prowled the Promenade.  I managed to capture him/her on camera.   Have a look at the next photo and pay particular attention to the coat and tail.  Those don’t belong to Skabenga, do they?

August 23 2012 – 6:45am - ‘The Impostor’ prowling the Promenade near the Oyster Box Hotel.

So, I hope that those who are perpetuating the confusion and trying to ruin Skabenga’s reputation are now satisfied that we can prove that there is an ‘imposter’.  Being really kind we could refer to him/her as a ‘look alike’.  But the only thing that is similar is that they are both cats.  One (Skabenga) happens to love the ‘good life’.  The other ‘prowls the Promenade’. So I hope this ‘character assassination’ will now stop.  It isn’t fair. 

I have given you a distinction.  Sometimes people feel like a fake (when others believe in you) and you thus experience ‘the imposter syndrome’.  On the other hand are those who purposely pretend to be what they are not in order to mislead others. But let’s give the ‘Fake Skabenga’ the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps this cat was not purposely trying to mislead others into thinking that his/her ‘dirty deeds’ should be attributed to Skabenga?  Possibly he wasn’t saying:  ‘I’m Skabenga, the Famous Cat, and I attack dogs on the Promenade’?  We should consider that it was possibly the humans who mistook him/her for Skabenga? This would be a case of ‘mistaken identity’.  Or perhaps they purposefully embarked on a systematic ‘character assassination’ campaign?  We may never know the real story.  But we now have proof that Umhlanga has at least two cats that live on the verge of the Promenade.  

So, do you sometimes feel like an impostor?  Do you feel you are not good enough for your current position?  Years ago when I was elected to a leadership position in a male-dominated organisation I was given some valuable advice:  ‘when you are on the stage, the audience will sometimes throw roses…. and at other times they may also throw rocks.  Be prepared for both’.  The negative comments sometimes make us feel more insecure and we become ‘over sensitive’ to people’s comments.  And going one step further, these can also take the form of ‘character assassination’ – as in the case of Skabenga.  

‘Executive coaching’ can help individuals settle into new positions. One of the CEO’s whom I was coaching last year, was on the point of resigning as she felt she wasn’t performing well enough in her new position.  After six months through commitment to her coaching programme, she ‘began to fly’ (her words) and has continued to excel in all areas of her life. 

Executive Coaching helps to turn ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  One-on-one coaching can form an integral part of leadership development. For more information please contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172, Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

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