Brenda Eckstein International

Strategy, Leadership, Integral Coaching and Communication consulting

  • Welcome
  • About Us
    • Brenda
    • Clients
  • Services
    • Strategy
    • Leadership Development
    • Training
    • Executive Coach
    • Speaker
    • Author
    • Conference Services
  • EYES Publishing
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Contact Us
  • Welcome
  • About Us
    • Brenda
    • Clients
  • Services
    • Strategy
    • Leadership Development
    • Training
    • Executive Coach
    • Speaker
    • Author
    • Conference Services
  • EYES Publishing
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Contact Us

Promoting effective communication

August 10, 2014 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Each year I run a 12-session programme on ‘Communication Skills and Leadership’ for the Treverton Post-matric group.  The participants are young people who have completed their formal schooling and are spending the year developing a whole range of skills.  They are privileged to be under the enriching leadership of Athol Davies who has been the Director of Post-matric for the last twelve years and enabled a series of young people to shift closer to reaching their potential. 

This week was the 2014 group’s ‘Session 7’ and during the four hours a new exercise was introduced.  Each group was asked just one of two questions: 

  • What promotes effective communication?
  • What hinders effective communication?

I was surprised and impressed by the intensity of their discussions and the quality of their input.

Megan Fussell, presenting group input showing perceived inhibitors.

Megan Fussell, presenting group input showing perceived inhibitors.

 

Input from a group working on ‘promoters’.

In summary, those factors perceived to impact negatively on the effectiveness of communication also opened possibilities for enriching communication.  Conversely, those factors which enhanced communication could also close down possibilities.  

In order to improve our communication skills, we need to be more conscious of factors that enhance effectiveness of our communication.  Under different circumstances the same factors might impede the clarity of our message.  We should strive to close the gap between the intention of our message and the perception of the person receiving the message.  This also involves being clear on what our message is, presenting it in the most appropriate way for the recipient and checking afterwards that it has been correctly understood. 

For more information on Leadership Development or Communication Skills please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or visit www.strategy-leadership.com.

129: Creative writing

August 20, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Creativity can flourish within a structure that has become a person’s default.  Individuals don’t have to waste energy wondering how to go about organising a sea of possibilities.  Neural pathways are developed through doing the same thing over and over. It takes practice! But the results are worth the effort. 

Let me share an example: 

I’m excited because the Treverton Post-matric group, today participated in Session 9 in their Communication Skills course and excelled.  I could see how far they have progressed since Session 1.  And they could feel it, too. 

Practising the PREP formula (structure) over and over has been an integral part of the course.  They have applied it to a wide range of written and verbal situations, so it is becoming their default when faced with organising a sea of information.  The possibilities are endless. 

L-R:  Brenda Eckstein, Jonty, Mpumi, Oliver, Dylan, Jacoba, Stephanie, Athol Davies (Director, Treverton Post-matric), and Tyron.

L-R: Brenda Eckstein, Jonty, Mpumi, Oliver, Dylan, Jacoba, Stephanie, Athol Davies (Director, Treverton Post-matric), and Tyron.

Today we were practising how to organise information in a hurry.  We tried a few examples where each person was giving a random word and had to immediately present a structured impromptu speech.  It wasn’t easy.  An hour later, I gave them all a new word, the same word, ‘set’.  They were given only two minutes to prepare a structured speech.  I was astounded at the excellence and variety of their approaches.  Creativity was there in abundance!  So I then asked them to write out the outline of the speech.  And these are provided below. 

Please note – each was given the same word, ‘set’ and each was giving only two minutes (from scratch) to come up with their approach and fit it into the structure. It is amazing how differently each person approached the assignment. 

These are organised in first name alpha order.

Dylan van Wyk 

On your marks, get set, go!  Don’t wait and let time pass you by. 

Game, the first stepping stone to accomplish your goal.  You may win or lose but the fact that you got started is the important part.  Build yourself up, learn from your opponents, gain strength and skills to move you further. 

Set yourself up.  Do what work you want to do.  There is no point in being unhappy with your current situation.  It’s your opportunity to find what you are good at and use it as your advantage. 

Match.  Use your skills to win and bring back the gold.  Hit the ball where you know your competitors won’t be able to return it.  Become the champion that everyone looks up to.  You have worked so hard to achieve what you wanted. 

On your marks, get set, GO.

Live life today so you don’t miss tomorrow. 

Jacoba Veenstra 

Set yourself free from others. Life is too short to fit in and to be the same as everyone else. 

The place where you were born defines who you are. This is where the seed is planted as to identify your personality. 

As you live and grow in this community you find your true value and talents. This energy will help you to make the right choices in life. Be the person you aim to be and try not to lose yourself by trying to fit in with the crowd. Be an O among the X's.   

Once you have become the person you want to be, stand out. Be a tree among the bushes and bloom. Do things beyond what is required and bridge the gap. 

Set yourself free from the world and be yourself. 

Jonty Schwartz 

Set yourself apart from the competition. 

If you can achieve this you will stand out from the crowd and your good work will be noticed quicker than if you conform to the practices of everyone else. 

Separate yourself from the competition by defining a strength that you possess that not many people have. 

Annihilate your competition by being the best at your particular strength. Make sure no-one can match you or even come close to you at that one particular thing. 

Train at your strength so that it continues to grow and improve so that no one will ever know your limit to how much you can achieve at your particular strength. 

If your unique in a better way over all your competition, you will be picked every time. 

Find your strength and work like hell at it. 

Mpumi Dlomo 

Set: referring to a completed collection; the location where a cinematic sequence is shot; or the fixedness of objects or other intangibles, or abstract objects. This is how sets apply in life. 

1st: Sets of vinyl are truly amazing: not just for their antiquated nature, but for the fact that they have a crisp sound to them, unmatched by the quality of any technology that we have at present. Giving us the obvious ability to see for ourselves that sometimes the old ways are the best, because they ensure that they do things the correct way, and in the greatest quality. 

2nd: cinematic or theatrical sets, the locations created from fictional ideals, usually modeled on impossibilities or created through an expansion of existing concepts. This is the crystallization of dreams and fantasy, which each and every person has, or experiences. Do this in life as directors, actors, script writers and set builders do in their professions, build the set of your life and expand on the existing, no matter how much of an impossibility it may seem. 

The concept of forever is pretty set: fixed, unchanging... Sad to say that in life the only time you have is a whole lot less than forever, every second compounds, and all that compounding leads to minutes, all those minutes compounding lead to hours and all those hours lost lead to days, months and years of waste, time that you will come to wish you had spent better, time you could have truly used, to make a difference in your life of someone else's. Youth wasted being idle, wisdom unused due to the lethargy of age and the inevitability to ever exert control over the passage of time; all you can do is prepare for it. 

What is left of your life? Are there pieces left? Or is there a legacy? A completed set? Were you solid? Did you complete your challenges? Like Arthur and that sword set in stone. Did you do well to prepare for the passage of time? Life is Set, you are here, make the best of it, set your mark in stone. Embrace it. 

Oliver Momberg 

SET nightclub is a very average club.  I went there recently and I did not have the best time. 

Small:  The dancefloor is by far way too small to hold the actual amount of people that come in.  For a club in such a great position (Rosebank), there should be at least 4 bars where it only has 2. 

Expensive.  The drinks at SET are through the roof!!! For one Castle light it is R30.  I can imagine a double vodka and mix being at least R60. 

The set up is bad.  The main bar is on the dancefloor which is already too small.  They have a tiny VIP area which is not even worth paying for as normal ticket holders get in their quite easily.  The DJ booth is nowhere to be seen. 

SET is a very average night club.  If you want to spend all your money on an average night, go to SET. 

Stephanie Cockcroft 

Set is a word that if looked at in different circumstances, is timeless.  It is used to define the sun sinking over the horizon at the end of every day.  It is used to start a race as in ‘ready, set, go’ or ‘are you all set?’  And it is used to define a scene created for a movie or photo shoot and in this case it is timeless. 

A sunset defines the end of another day and can bring out emotions such as passion, love, sorry, regret, worry or fear for what is to come.  We see a sunset in a different light every evening because of what follows and what new beginning lies ahead.  We see it as an end for what has happened during the day and now it is over. 

‘Are you all set?’ is an expression that marks the beginning of so many things.  You could be preparing to leave, you could be on the starting block of a race track, you could be waiting at the start line of the motor race track.  In all cases it is a way of marking a beginning, a new beginning often of something great. 

A theatre set is a set that changes and yet is timeless.  A theatre set does not change itself, but it changes because of the people around it.  The performance itself changes the set but the set itself can we kept forever. 

Any set in the world is not the beginning nor end of any point in your life.   And endings mean new beginnings and beginnings mean new ends.  

Do not be afraid of the new ‘set’s to come in your life. 

Tyron Arnell 

The principles we can learn from the seemingly childish game of Lego can prove vital to ensuring good teamwork between colleagues. 

Start small – in Lego we all started off with small structures and as we built more, so we graduated to larger and more complex structures.  When you assemble a new team, don’t give them the toughest job straight away – let them handle a few smaller ones and build a strong relationship. 

Every block plays its part – take a piece out of the bottom and your structure collapses.  Keep everyone involved, even if they play minor roles in the assignment.  Leaving them out could result in these minor duties developing into major cracks. 

Learn from mistakes – we’ve all had a structure collapse now and then.  We know how not to place blocks after that.  Apply this lesson in the work place, too.  If something collapses, don’t do the same thing over. 

The lessons we can learn from Lego can help us greatly when teaching in the workplace.  I urge you to consider this message when in the office environment. 

Well done, Treverton Post-matrics.  You have excelled and I’m proud to share your contribution with our readers.  As you travel forth, take these learning with you and use to enrich all domains of your lives.  I look forward to hearing of your progress. 

For more information on our Communication Skills course (12 4-hour sessions) or other training courses, please contact Brenda Eckstein on +27 82 4993311 or brenda@146.66.90.172

Organising information

August 8, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Learning to quickly and easily organise information for written and verbal communication is a skill which benefits everyone.  Our Communication Skills courses enhance that ability and in particular the ‘How to get Your Point Across’ and ‘Presentation Skills’ modules emphasise these skills.  In addition these topics are often incorporated in Leadership Development. 

A good example came from a recent 14-session ‘Communication Skills’ course run ‘in house’ for a group of young engineers.  As an assignment, using the simple formula practised during sessions, they were asked to write a brief article on ‘The Benefits of Networking’.  I have used the example provided by Bisisiwe Ndlovu, metallurgist.

Bisisiwe Ndlovu

Networking is one of the most fundamental things that keep both people and their companies afloat and running. This has been proven to be the main fuel behind a lot of people’s success and that of their businesses.

Networking is most beneficial to businesses and companies. Most companies gain recognition and publicity through the art of networking. Some companies are even recognized internationally through good networking skills. For instance, Hulamin is a well-known producer of semi-fabricated and fabricated aluminum products both nationally and internationally. This was achieved through proper networking skills. 

Networking can also be beneficial to people. It can help them improve their businesses performance, products and staff skills. As well as that, it can help them develop knowledge and skills by providing them with opportunities to market themselves and their products. People also use networking to boost their reputation and to gather new leads. Some even raise their business profile by becoming an established and regular networking member, getting their face and business known.  

The community can also benefit through networking. Most community based organizations are formed through the collaboration of the community with fellow business personnel. In this case networking can be the fertilizer that fosters the development of good relationship between individuals and organizations. Networking can also benefit the community and organizations by assisting them to form organizational partnership, collaborating projects and sharing of services. This in turn results in the reduction in overheads and the sharing of staff.  

In conclusion networking is one of the beneficial tools that can lead people to their goals. All in all, networking leads to success.”

If you would like to know more about courses which would help you to organise information quickly and easily, please contact me brenda@146.66.90.172,  Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

Punctuate Your Life With Purpose

May 9, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

I’m always excited when I hear or participate in ‘quality conversation’.  Afterwards I share examples with those in my ‘communication skills’ workshops.  Yesterday as we sat having breakfast in a local coffee bar, I was fascinated at the topics I could overhear being discussed by strangers at the table next to ours.

They were talking about the English language and how punctuation can change the meaning of a message.  This was of particular interest to me because in my ‘How to get your point across’ workshops, punctuation is an important aspect of the written examples participants work on.  The big question is: how do we minimise the gap between the sender’s intention (in sending a message) and the recipient’s perception of the same message?  (I have devoted previous blogs to this topic so won’t expand on it further.) 

During their conversation, the strangers gave some outstanding examples of how punctuation can alter the meaning of a message.  Two that they quoted were (and I have purposely changed names):

  •  Sam says George is mad.
  •   Sam, says George, is mad.

And then the question was posed:

‘What is the difference between a panda and a cowboy?’

  •  The former eats shoots and leaves.
  •  The latter eats, shoots and leaves.

In written communication, one comma can significantly change the meaning of our message. 

Let’s look at another area in which punctuation is important.   A question we need to ask ourselves is: ‘how is punctuation impacting on the meaning of our lives’? 

Life can be thought of as a continuum. Our lives are artificially punctuated in a variety of ways.  Each birthday marks a change, an event that often puts us in a different category.  That change in age enables us to do certain things and excludes us from other opportunities.  It may qualify us for a certain race or prevent us from entering a ‘Miss World Contest’. 

Think of your next birthday:  what will you no longer qualify for?  For example, in my uncle’s case, as a colonel in the army, he enjoyed  his work but the army computers were set to recognise people whose ages were up to only 75, so there was no way he could be paid his salary after that age!  So, he very reluctantly resigned.

And then what new opportunities will your next birthday present?  You may now be able to apply for a driver’s licence.  For many of us, it could qualify us for extra tax concessions on medical expenses!

Just as a ‘full stop’ ends a sentence, and if there is a new sentence, it starts after that ‘full stop’, so a birthday marks the end of an age and the beginning of a new era.  Similarly, each New Year follows another ‘full stop’ and generates a whole new range of possibilities.  For example, if we have used up our Medical Aid for the calendar year, on January 1 we may have our full quota again! 

For those of us with different religious or cultural affinities we may also recognise New Year at different times and our celebrations my take different forms.  An illustration is that February 3 2011 will be the Chinese New Year which marks the beginning of the Year of the Rabbit and the end of the Year of the Tiger.

Any ‘New Year’ may be a good time to make a fresh start, to strategise our future.  But if we do this only once a year aren’t we missing out on other opportunities?  Shouldn’t we be setting aside regular sessions to exercise an ‘attitude of positive discontent’?   I think of the wonderful story told in ‘Management Mess-ups:  57 pitfalls you can avoid (and stories of those who didn’t)’.  The author, Mark Eppler was walking along a pier and saw fishermen with their boats ‘upside down’ on the beach.  He was concerned as he realised that by not being out fishing that the fishermen were not generating income.  They explained that they regularly ‘punctuate’ their lives by not going fishing and rather spend the day ‘scraping their boats’.  He still didn’t understand.  They explained that barnacles (small crustaceans) attach themselves to the boats below the water level and multiply at an alarming rate.  This makes the boats heavier, slower and less manoeuvrable.  In addition, the boats can consume up to 40% more fuel in order for the fishermen to reach the waters where they fish.

Doesn’t that sound just like our lives?  Things creep up on us.  ‘The deception of the gradual’ is one way of referring to the process.  We don’t realise we are being weighed down, burdened by excesses.   It becomes harder to achieve our goals and takes us more time because we are less flexible.  And the cost of achievement is greater in terms of energy used.  So we become less effective.

By creating punctuations in the flow of our lives, we can pause, observe, reflect and then take appropriate action.  Regarding our resources, our service and the way we operate, we should assume that nothing is good enough and ask ourselves how we can improve.  Of course, after careful consideration, we may decide that something is the best it can be for us at this time, so we’ll leave it as it is.  However, even if it is good enough (now), we need to create an opportunity in the future to re-examine and reassess whether it is still the best it can be.  This helps us to avoid becoming complacent or forming bad habits.

So, my message to you is:  punctuate your lives periodically in a purposeful way.  Have a break from routine and carefully appraise every aspect of your life.  Are things the best they can be?  If not, how could you improve?   And then take appropriate action.  Implement strategies for success.

Just as the punctuation in written words can alter the meaning of sentences, so the meaning of our lives can be altered considerably by strategic pauses and relevant positive action.

Quality conversation is not confined to coffee shops – although a good cappuccino can help!

Communication: Close The Gap

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Poor communication is often stated as a major problem facing business and the professions.  This applies to both external and internal communication and is also evident in our private lives. 

In this article we are addressing ‘direct’ communication where our intention is to effectively provide others with information. We are referring to either written or verbal messages. In a later blog we’ll address ‘conversational’ communication which is important in building relationships. 

THE GAP
There is usually a gap between our intended message and the recipient’s understanding of it.  Their perception has been shaped by their environment and personal experience.  Comprehension of the message will also be affected by ‘barriers’ and these could include personal prejudice, inability to understand the person’s accent, noise etc.

If the receiver realises there is a gap, they’ll try to fill the gap with what they thought the sender meant.  So, the bigger the gap the more distorted the message may become.

CLOSING THE GAP
So, our goal is to minimise the gap and this becomes even more important where we are dealing with a complex message.  How do we do this?  We need to check that we are sending a clear, concise message and there are a number of ways to do this:

1.  Journalistic approach
We should check our message against the following (open) questions to ensure that we have covered all necessary aspects for that specific message.  We won’t always need to cover all the questions below.  But check the appropriate ‘open’ questions.

a. Who?
b. How?
c. When?
d. Where?
e. Which?
f. Why?
g. What?

2.  Layers of complexity
Think about the message carefully. Obviously it is going to be worded differently depending on our target recipient.  But to understand our own content better a good exercise is to ask ourselves how we could best explain the same message to each of the following types of people:

a. A five-year old
b. A seventeen-year-old
c. An ‘average’ adult
d. A specialist in that field

I’m grateful to the inspiring Australian presenter, Glen Capelli for planting the seed which helped me to recognise the importance of being able to convey the same message to a range of different age-groups.

We could also change our groupings to cover different layers within our organisation.  Or we could ask ourselves how we’d explain it to various stakeholders – directors, management, staff, customers, suppliers, SARS.  How would we explain the same message to each of those? Do we understand our message clearly enough to provide it to all of these in an appropriate, coherent manner (even if it is intended for only one group at this time)?

3.  Contributory and contradictory thinking
Explore the message further to make sure we have a depth of understanding. Can we expand on the content? In applying ‘contributory’ thinking we could start by confirming, for example:  ‘I agree with the statement.’ Then you would add to the idea.  ‘And it would also apply in the other contexts (like the leather industry)’.

Then use ‘contradictory’ thinking to examine the exceptions.  ‘I agree with the concept, but for example, it would not apply in South Africa because our crime rate is too high.’

MORE GAPS
Do you remember the game that many of us played as children where messages had to be passed on to others?  It was known by various titles including ‘broken telephone’. The more the message was transferred to sequential recipients, the more distorted the original message became.  The game reflects reality.

After the first ‘gap’ the receiver does not have the content of the message exactly the same as the sender intended it and in passing it on, there will be additional gaps created between the new sender and each individual receiver.  So again, our ‘middle man’ needs to make sure that:
• Their perception of the message is as close as possible to the original sender’s intention.
• They check to make sure their message is clear before passing it on to the next person.

CUTTING OUT THE ‘MIDDLE MAN’
What Netcare in South Africa has done very successfully at St Augustine’s hospital in Durban to overcome the problem of messages not being passed on, or messages not being passed on correctly, is that they have cut out the middle layer.  So, messages go directly to 1800 staff members via SMS.  By cutting down the number of people the message goes through, there are less ‘gaps’.  In addition, people always have their phones with them and there is no delay. This concept is working very well for Netcare.

In this article we have spoken primarily about passing information to others directly.  In a later article we’ll look at communication that is less ‘direct’, the kind that we need to use in building relationships.  Quality conversation helps us to get to know people and also plays an important part in building trust.  We all prefer to deal with people we know and trust.  So, there we are introducing the element of how to become the ‘person of choice’.

The BEI four-hour workshop, ‘how to get your point across’ has been our ‘top seller’ for many years. We continuously improve the content. The results are phenomenal and those who attend public workshops often request that we then present ‘in house’ for companies.  Diverse audiences have included doctors and nurses in the UK who found themselves promoted through their medical skills and with very little experience in managing trusts, hospitals or wards.  Others have been IT technicians, University lecturers, salespeople.  

At the EYES (Enhance Your Executive Skills) programme at the Oyster Box Hotel on August 18 2010, the topic was ‘How to get your point across’.

Seen here during the workshop are participants (left to right): Cedric Wilmans (Cedric Wilmans Financial Planners ), Bruno Lionnet (AdaptIT) and David Rhodes (Dystar Boehme).

For more information on this training or other training we present you are welcome to contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or have a look at our website www.strategy-leadership.com

Networking At Its Best

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Networking is a process and not a transaction.  However, in organising our approach, it is sometimes convenient to segment various aspects into past, present and future.

  • Past:  we need to identify the groups of people who have played a significant role in our lives.  This involves digging into our past and looking for commonalty.  ‘Mindmaps’ or charts are a convenient way of depicting this information.
  • Present:  What are we doing to sustain relationships, to keep our contacts alive?  There are many benefits of sustaining positive relationships.  Two include:

o Having an advantage over our competitors – becoming the ‘person of choice’ or the ‘firm of choice’.

o An ‘absence of malice’.  When things go wrong – and we all know that even with the most careful planning, there will be ‘hiccups’, if we are functioning within positive relationships, our partners are more likely to give us the ‘benefit of the doubt’.  There would be an ‘absence of malice’. Compare this with the same situation where there is no positive relationship – our customer may consider the ‘hiccup’ a poor reflection on our performance.

Under ‘present’ we also need to assess how efficiently we are capturing and organising the contact details.  And how effective are our systems for keeping information ‘up to date’?

  • Future:  How are we going to ‘expand’ our networks in relevant ways so that we continue to build stronger networks?  There are two main aspects to this: o What are we doing to strengthen existing relationships? o How are we going to add meaningful contacts to our networks?  This could involve working out where the weak areas in our contacts are, planning how we are going to fill the gaps or joining forces with like-minded people or those who have a common interest.

Let’s expand further on that idea:  We join organisations for a range of reasons.  But so often it is the friendship and support that bind us together and cement our membership.

For example, I joined the New South Wales Chapter of NSAA (National Speakers Association of Australia) so that during my visits to Australia (two or three times a year) I could go to meetings, learn and network.  The benefits have been enormous.  In addition to expose to ideas and the experience of international speakers, trainers and coaches, I have made wonderful friends.  In my latest newsletter, I mention the annual convention which Gary Eckstein and I attended in April 2010.   Here are some more photos:

Lindsay Adams and Brenda Eckstein

Lindsay Adams, a Past National President of NSAA and the current President of the International Federation for Professional Speakers (IFFPS).   Lindsay is the National Director of the Referral Institute in Australia and New Zealand.

Rachel Green and Brenda Eckstein

Rachel Green, CSP is a fellow networker, trainer and speaker from Perth, Western Australia.

Networking is great fun!  However, the benefits will not be great unless we approach networking with the right attitude, ‘what can I do for you’ (and most certainly not ‘what can you do for me’.)  Most of us are tired of people who are like leeches – wanting to get whatever they can from us.  That type of relationship is parasitic.  We need to function symbiotically, help each other, work for the ‘common good’.

So, my message to you is clear:  Network by seeing how you can be of assistance to others and you will benefit enormously.

On A High Note: 2010 FIFA World Cup

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Excitement mounts in South Africa!  ‘Football Fridays’ focus attention on our hosting the long awaited 2010 FIFA World Cup.  Enthusiasm spills over to the rest of the week.  Vehicles bear flags, people wear yellow supporter’s shirts and the atmosphere here is positively electric.

In previous blogs, as a communications consultant, I have given tips for visitors to help make their stay in South Africa even more enjoyable.  I quote from my article of April 23 2010 under the heading ‘The vuvuzela calls’:

‘The vuvuzela is a brightly coloured long trumpet-shaped instrument made of plastic.  As far as I’m aware, no-one is really sure of the origins and there are a plethora of stories explaining its origins and initial purpose.

Fans take their instruments to matches and the noise is very loud, so loud in fact that opposing teams at last year’s Confederation Cup lodged a complaint that the noise affected their ability to hear and to concentrate. Attempts were made to ban the vuvuzela from the FIFA World Cup.  FIFA took this proposal seriously but at the time of writing this blog, to the best of my knowledge, the host nation's response that ‘the vuvuzela is essential to a South African footballing experience’ prevails.  There will be plenty of these colourful trumpets at the matches – and as souvenirs for people traveling abroad!’

The Vuvuzela

After writing the article mentioned above, on my return trip to South Africa, in the May 2010 ‘Sawubona’ (The South African Airways in-flight magazine) I smiled as I read the article ‘Tips for travelers during the 2010 football world cup’.  I quote from page 22 of that magazine:

‘Vuvuzelas carried as hand luggage
The vuvuzela, a trumpet-like pipe, has become one of the South African soccer supporter’s essential items.  Customers traveling with vuvuzelas in the cabin of SAA-owned and/or any SAA operated aircraft are requested to refrain from using these on board aircraft.  Vuvuzelas create very high noise levels which may result in difficulty for our crew (licensed safety officers) to communicate important safely information and/or emergency evacuation procedures.

In addition, on smaller aircraft the noise created in the confines of an aircraft may create difficulty for our flight crew to hear important radio communications.  The use of these may also create annoyance to fellow passengers.  Customers are advised that the use of these items on board may constitute a criminal offence und the provisions of the Civil Aviation Offences Act, punishable by between five and 15 years ‘imprisonment.

In the interest of safety and the comfort of our passengers, SAA will take a zero tolerance approach to any persons using vuvuzelas on board flights’.

The mind boggles!  Can you imagine the scene on board an aircraft with enthusiastic fans celebrating by blowing their vuvuzelas?  No!  Let’s end on another kind of ‘high note’:  join us in having a wonderful time during the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Lessons In Communication Skills

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

My son, Gary is a business consultant and trainer http://eckstein.id.au  and is based in Sydney, Australia.  He says that in order to really understand and practise negotiation skills, you need to have a lot to do with young children.  I agree.  Through our interaction and communicating with young children we can learn a great deal that will help us in leading or managing adults.

When you have a message to deliver, consider how differently you’d deliver it to a five-year old, a teenager, a young working adult, and a highly specialised adult.   These layers of complexity help us to understand our own message and the best way to deliver it.  There needs to be as small a gap as possible between our intention in sending the message and the perception of the message’s content by the person receiving the message.  The bigger the gap between the two, the more the person will fill it with what they thought your intention might have been - and this can lead to great misunderstanding.

During this trip to Australia for four days a week I was privileged in ‘looking after’ my granddaughter, Ella who turned five in January and started her first year at ‘big school’ in February this year.  This was a great opportunity to get to know her better and build positive relationships.  What I didn’t realise was how much she’d be teaching me! - and what wonderful examples she’d be providing for the leadership and communication skills training I present. 

So, what lessons did I learn from this charming young five-year old?

The importance of a positive attitude

As we walked into the local shopping centre, I mentioned that I’d like to go and say ‘hello’ to my friend Margaret whom I hadn’t yet seen this trip.  I reminded Ella that she had met Margaret 18 months ago.  At first, Ella was deeply concerned because at that point she couldn’t remember Margaret.

After a few seconds as we walked along, she said, ‘but Granny Brenda, that’s good!’  I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.  So, I asked her and she explained: ‘It’s good that we can’t remember some things because it makes more space in our brains for new things’.  How true!  And as adults many of us could use that thinking to justify our failing memories! 

The ability to find positives in every negative situation is a skill which many adults have not yet mastered.  It requires creativity – and this little girl sure taught me a lesson or two!

Incidentally, as we arrived at Margaret’s place of work, Ella suddenly remembered her.  And she was relieved.  (I didn’t pursue its impact on her perceived ‘space’ in her brain!)

As adults, a positive attitude helps to build relationships.  Within positive relationships we can achieve better outcomes and there is more likely to be an ‘absence of malice’ if things do go wrong.  In addition, people are more receptive to any message which we may wish to convey.

Think about things.  Don’t take anything for granted.

I presumed that going to town by train would be a great treat.  But Ella said, ‘Granny Brenda, I’ve been on a train a few times, and that would be good, but I’ve never ever been on a bus’.  What fun we had going by bus!

This adventure provided many learning experiences for both of us.  For example, as we took our seats on the bus she asked with disbelief:  ‘But, Granny Brenda, why did we have to pay to go on the bus?’ If she hadn’t asked, I would have taken it for granted that everybody knew you paid to go on a public bus! This led to stimulating conversation.

It requires skill for us to convey a message in a way that is suitable for the person we are speaking with.  How do you describe capitalism, economic supply and demand, or basic business principles to a five-year-old? I pursued the topic and thought I’d explained in a way that was suitable for her.  However, later that day she showed that I had not covered the topic in enough detail.  ‘Granny, the man driving the bus, does he own the bus?’

So, when leading or managing your teams, think about the amount of information you need to convey. Don’t take anything for granted.  Make it easy for people to ask relevant questions – either at the time, or later.

The importance of really listening to the words we use

I have mentioned one of the highlights of our time together, the day we spent in the city (Sydney).  Although we traveled in by bus, we returned to the suburb where she lives by train.  Although she had been on trains before, this was an adventure.

During the journey, she suddenly said, with great indignation, ‘That’s not right!’ I was confused and asked her what she was talking about.  She explained:  “the man said ‘please stand clear of the doors’”.  She was talking about an announcement she’d just heard as the train departed from a station. 

I still didn’t understand.  ‘Well’ she said indignantly, ‘Granny Brenda, we aren’t standing.  We are sitting.’  She was right.  The message didn’t apply to us – at that time.  But it did apply to many others.

It’s a matter of awareness.  Think about what you are hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and feeling.  Have an opinion on everything. You don’t have to express it.  But think about things.  As one of the great presenters in Australia teaches, develop ‘contributory and contradictory thinking’.

In ‘contributory thinking’, even if you agree with what the person is saying, you ask yourself ‘what else can I add to that?’ Take the same statement and use ‘contradictory thinking’.  In other words, you may agree with the basic statement, but you know it wouldn’t work under certain circumstances.

So, in the case of the announcement at the station, ‘the man’ was right in telling people to ‘stand clear’ of the doors (to prevent danger). And there could have been accidents on that train (and on any train leaving that station – or any other station) if people hadn’t obeyed (contributory thinking).  However, although he was right, his command didn’t apply to us as we were sitting safely in the train. (Contradictory) 

So, listen to messages we receive. Think about any message we convey and test both against ‘contributory’ and ‘contradictory’ thinking.  That way our communication will be more effective.

Practise your conversation skills

In my communication skills workshops I constantly stress the importance of practising ‘quality conversation’.  The rationale is that we all prefer to deal with people we know and trust.  Building trust goes hand-in-hand with building positive relationships.  Conversation is a tool for building those relationships.

I always tell people to regularly practise the simple conversation techniques we cover in the workshops and I have been excited by the feedback from people who have done this.  For example, one business executive decided that every morning while driving his teenage daughter to school, for those 40 minutes he’d ask her to help him practise the techniques.  So, instead of silence and just listening to the radio in the car, they began to have stimulating conversations.  They both began to look forward to the daily practice session and they added new elements.  The father delegated reading the daily newspaper to his daughter so that they could discuss current events.  Hearing each other’s views added richness to their relationship.  He was so very grateful that his relationship with his daughter had moved from ‘average’ to ‘outstanding’. 

We all need to practise our conversation skills and what better place to do it than with our families?  And it doesn’t matter how old our conversation partners are, it helps to improve the quality not only of conversation, but also of relationships. 

Ella, as mentioned earlier in this article is only 5 years old and has a natural ability to communicate.  But doesn’t almost every child?  She I enjoy the most wonderful conversations following the ‘listen – comment – (open) question’ principles which I teach adult participants during my training courses.  We can enrich our understanding or others by engaging in quality conversation. So, practise your conversation skills and you’ll enrich the lives of those you practise with and enhance your performance in the workplace.

There are lessons all around us.  Recognise and optimise opportunities.  I’m grateful for the privilege of spending many days learning from a five-year old.

A Letter From My Dog…And Other New Perceptions

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

An annual convention of the National Speakers Association of Australia (NSAA) is an ideal place to hone your thinking skills – especially when the presenters include diverse international experts like Dr. Edward de Bono, author of 83 books and the instigator of creative thinking. 

Shelley Sykes , Brenda Eckstein and Edward de Bono — NSAA Convention, April 2010.

I was privileged to be there again this year (April 16 to 19 2010).  In summarising my notes and reflecting on the information, I notice there are again many important messages and trends.  One that stands out is the necessity for us to make every effort to see things through various ‘frames’. We all see things differently and as speakers, trainers and coaches we should  try to present information in a way that will be more relevant to our various audiences (and by ‘audience’ I mean anyone to whom I’m addressing a message.)  This applies to individuals in their business and private communication, too.

I gained great value from this Convention, not only from the formal sessions, but from the people with whom I networked.  Some I had met before, others were newcomers to my circle of ‘friends and associates’.  The networking extends beyond the exchange of words in conversation.  Many of us are authors and in reading others’ ‘words of wisdom’, I am constantly astounded at the richness of thinking and ideas generated.  One example is the work of Dr Danny Beran, author of ‘Ten questions you must answer before you die’ (published March 2010). 

Gary Eckstein and Dr Danny Beran with ‘Ten questions you should answer before you die’.

Danny and I are both members of the New South Wales chapter of NSAA and we had shared experiences in authoring and launching our books.  So, I was excited to receive a copy of his book.  In addition to the ‘ten questions’ which he as a medical doctor invites his patients and readers to ponder, there is a section on ‘what your dog would love or need to tell you if he could talk’?  That certainly is a new perspective for me and I was motivated and had soon written myself two letters – one from each of my dogs!  I was amazed at what Ebon and Sabrena said – and how different their letters were.

An added dimension to my conference experience was having Gary (my son) with me, too.  We could share ideas and hearing his perspective on various issues added a richness to my experience in being there.  Thank you, Gary!

More articles reflecting on Edward de Bono, other exciting people and the messages from the NSAA Convention will follow in forthcoming blogs.

Communication Skills: Countdown To The 2010 FIFA World Cup – Part 2

May 7, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

On June 11 the 2010 FIFA World Cup hosted by South Africa begins.  This is the world’s largest sporting event. 

If you would like to visit our country at this exciting time, South African Airways confirms that for ‘late-bookers’ wanting to travel from Australia and other countries, there are still limited seats available. For Australian visitors the toll-free number is 1 300 435 972 and the contact person stephanieconstance@flysaa.com  For general bookings anywhere else in the world, please visit the website. Thank you!

At his Sydney office, Thevan Krishna, SAA Head of Australasia and India shows Brenda Eckstein the model of the new plane.

In a previous article, in the spirit of encouraging greater understanding, I outlined some areas of diversity that visitors to South Africa might find helpful. 

As a communications consultant living in the host country, South Africa, I’m delighted to share a few more insights that may be of interest to you and make your visit more enjoyable.  And even if you are from the host nation, you may not know enough about these aspects of our soccer (football) culture. This background will also help you to converse in a knowledgeable way!

1. The Vuvuzela calls

As mentioned in the Qantas March 2010 in-flight magazine when referring to the football fan culture, ‘South Africans love to celebrate their players and teams – generally without indulging in the hooliganism that plagues other countries – with a rich tradition of chants, gadgets and rituals’.

The vuvuzela is a brightly coloured long trumpet-shaped instrument made of plastic.  As far as I’m aware, no-one is really sure of the origins and there are a plethora of stories explaining its origins and initial purpose.

Fans take their instruments to matches and the noise is very loud, so loud in fact that opposing teams at last year’s Confederation Cup lodged a complaint that the noise affected their ability to hear and to concentrate. Attempts were made to ban the vuvuzela from the FIFA World Cup.  FIFA took this proposal seriously but at the time of writing this blog, to the best of my knowledge, the host nation's response that ‘the vuvuzela is essential to a South African footballing experience’ prevails.  There will be plenty of these colourful trumpets at the matches – and as souvenirs for people traveling abroad!

When I arrived in Sydney recently, we were met at the airport by our daughter.  We were telling her about the excitement in South Africa and the different 2010 FIFA World Cup items on sale at the Oliver Thambo International Airport in Johannesburg.  As I told her about the prominence of the vuvuzela, I realized that I needed to explain.  As I described she excitedly said, ‘oh I wondered what all those brightly coloured pipes were sticking out of most people hand-luggage as they arrived’.  While waiting for us to come through customs, she had observed may people from our flight carrying these instruments. And this was 70 days before the start of the event in South Africa!

2. The ‘makarapa’ headgear

At Oliver Thambo International airport in Johannesburg, I was also fascinated to see some very interesting items of headgear.  I didn’t have time to investigate but was delighted to read a description in the Qantas' magazine (the SAA flight is code-shared with Qantas and their planes are used on the Johannesburg~Sydney route).  ‘These decorated construction hard hats will become the fashion statement of the World Cup.  The makarapas is cut, twisted and painted into a fabulous headdress to give a look that is part sorcerer, part jester.  Created 30 years ago by a cleaner who wore his hard hat after he saw a fan hit on the head by a bottle, the makarapas became a hit.  Now covered with football imagery, it has become and improvised art form in its own right’

So, a makarapa would be a good souvenir to wear on your trip home – it certainly could lead to quality conversation!

2009 Confederation Cup fans wearing makarapas with a vuvuzela in the foreground

3. Chants and rituals

The popular chant for the national team is ‘Shosholoza’.  Fans chant this as a form of encouragement to their team.  This was sung originally, as far as I can establish by migrant Zimbabweans traveling to work on the mines in South Africa.  However, it is a Zulu word which means ‘go forward’ and is perceived as a positive form of encouragement.

When the home team scores, the chant will be ‘laduma’ which means ‘it thunders’.  The vuvuzela, makarapa and chants are all part of the South African soccer (football) culture.   I hope that knowing this background will help you to enjoy your stay even more.  And, of course, weaving this into your conversation will help you to build positive relationships.  The rewards are great.  Remember to ‘listen – comment – question’ and you’ll enjoy quality conversation which can lead to positive relationships. 

However, if you choose to return home wearing your makarapa while blowing your own vuvuzela and intermittently chanting ‘Shosholoza’ you won’t have much chance for dialogue.  But you could be the ‘conversation piece’ (those of you who have been to my workshops will know what I’m talking about) and that could also be very interesting!   Have Fun!

Next Page »

Latest articles

  • Countdown to 2022
  • Positive Relationships: 2021
  • How do I deal with imperfection?
  • Finding freedom
  • How to streamline your life

Recent Posts

  • Countdown to 2022
  • Positive Relationships: 2021
  • How do I deal with imperfection?
  • Finding freedom
  • How to streamline your life

Blog Categories

  • Business Consulting
  • Coaching
  • Communication Skills Training
  • Customer Service
  • Keynotes
  • Leadership Development
  • Personal Networking
  • Strategy

Search this website

Contact Brenda

Phone:+27 (0)33 342 5432
Fax:+27 (0)86 5188 205
Mobile:+27 (0)82 499 3311
E-mail:brenda@strategy-leadership.com

Login

Login here

Copyright © 2023 · Brenda Eckstein International, Phone: +27 (0)82 499 3311, Email: brenda@strategy-leadership.com · Website by OrganicWeb