Brenda Eckstein International

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Golden Thread

November 27, 2017 by Brenda 1 Comment

Many people on the treadmill of life are so busy taking step after step that they miss out on gaining from their current experiences or encounters along the way. So, as a coaching practice, I encourage clients to pause in purposeful and regular reflection. This increases awareness and enables people to benefit from what has happened in their lives. Sometimes it is good to trace back the threads which have added to the current tapestry of experience. We are looking for the ‘golden thread’ which has helped to change direction.

Camilla Singh, project manager and Brenda Eckstein, author.

Let me share an experience which happened to me today. At King Shaka airport in Durban, an unusual meeting place, I proudly presented the first copy of my new book, ‘GROW: how to turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones’ to Camilla Singh who project manages and edits the publication of the books in the F-L-A-G-S series. The first two books are available in paperback (as seen in the photo) and as an e-book on Amazon.

These two books contain a combination of personal stories and are written in a way that encourages the reader to reflect and create meaning from everyday experiences. Ideal for coaches, the books are also suitable for anyone who would enjoy reading motivational stories or others who are interested in self-development. At the end of each chapter are coaching questions which encourage reflection.

After handing Camilla the book, I boarded the plane and asked myself ‘how did this all begin?’

Unravelling the threads there is a clearly identifiable significant moment. My son, Gary Eckstein, had completed the research for his Master’s degree at Henley-on-Thames in the United Kingdom. His topic involved e-marketing and prompted him to ask me a simple question: ‘You love writing – can’t you write articles relevant to your business and share them with others?’

That was a really good question. But I was concerned as I didn’t know how to go about this.

As a website developer and listed as one of Australia’s main Mailchimp experts, he helped to link the dots showing me how to turn my stumbling blocks into stepping stones. It was easy. Following his framework my passion was converted into something tangible.

My website became more functional and more colourful using a combination of colours that really appeal to me. With the help of a friend, Des, we created an image that was right for me and opened doors.

With my son’s encouragement and support I was able to maximise the potential of the website and of my writings. I had the freedom to write an article whenever I found an everyday experience to be relevant to any of the five services offered by my business – professional speaking, facilitation of leadership development, training (mainly communication and networking skills), executive coaching and developing customer service strategy.

Another brightly coloured thread that became woven into the tapestry was that of Candice Warr who remains the meticulous connector linking me, my writing, the website and relevant social media. Gary helped us with a structure that improved Google ratings and was simple to follow. As I wrote each article, Candice posted on my website and also linked to Facebook, Linked in, Twitter and Google+.

We built up a Mailchimp mailing list by inviting people to subscribe to my newsletter on a complimentary basis. This was set up (again, by Gary, Australia’s Mailchimp expert) so that once a month a summary of the latest articles appeared in subscribers’ email boxes. This required minimal effort from the team.

After three years of diligently following this process I had randomly written over 200 articles. We needed to use this valuable asset as part of a bigger picture.

This is where my special friend, Camilla Singh, entered the scene and started weaving her magical threads to create a cohesive picture. She offered to project manage the production of a series of books based on my personal F-L-A-G-S philosophy, each letter forming a separate book. The F stood for Flow and the stories related to my work as a professional speaker. The L articles neatly fitted into the leadership development category, Lead. Continuous improvement strongly represented the training arm of the business and Advance became the title of that collection. G for Growth captured the essence of executive coaching, an area which has gained in importance. The last letter is S for Serve and emphasises the importance of having a strategic approach whether serving others in a business or personal capacity.

The team under Camilla’s leadership has now published two of the five books on Amazon each in print and e-book versions. This would not have been possible without the dedication, commitment and expertise of Wendy Bothma who worked endless hours to make editing changes and format the manuscript.

After publishing my original two books, ‘Networking Tactics’ and ‘ABCs of Networking’, I was clear that I did not wish to be the seller of books again. Thus Camilla investigated and advised that we go the Amazon route. This presented endless challenges for Camilla and for Wendy but they overcame these and turned the publishing stumbling blocks into stepping stones. Again, Des and Candice both played important roles. Des designed the covers and advised us on the aesthetic side of formatting. Candice remained immersed in the project, keeping meticulous lists of articles and original photos, and documenting which had been used.

So, getting back to the beginning of this article, on reflection, getting ‘GROW: how to turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones’ into a published book was not as difficult for any of us as finalising the first book. However, this would not have been possible without the excellent teamwork and friendships.

Tracing the threads back, Gary’s formative influence in providing the framework, motivating me to take action and staying involved shows how important that ‘golden thread’ is.

My questions for you are:

  • Which are some of the ‘golden threads’ in your life?
  • What are some of the pivotal moments that enabled you to change direction?
  • In which ways are you recognising and optimising opportunities?
  • How can positive relationships help provide a springboard for future growth?
  • Who are the people who have added colour to the tapestry of your life?

139: What is black?

November 6, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

During a recent coaching session with one of my clients, I asked her what colours she could now picture on the blank canvas we used as a ‘distinction’ when starting her coaching programme.  She told me about the splashes of vibrant colours and then also mentioned the smudges of black and other somber colours. She appeared to be seeing these ‘in a negative light’.  This prompted an exploration of the importance of black and I thus introduced her to one of my favourite poems: 

What is Black?

Black is the night, where there isn’t a star

and you can’t tell by looking, where you are

Black is a pale of paving tar

Black is jet

and things you’d like to forget

Black is a smoke stack, a cat

a leopard, a raven, a high silk hat

The sound of black is boom, boom, boom

echoing in an empty room

Black is kind, it covers up

the broken pavement and the broken cup

Black is charcoal and patio grill

the soot spots on the window sill

Black is a feeling, hard to explain

like suffering, but without the pain

Black is liquorice and patent leather shoes

Black is the print in the news

Black is beauty in its deepest form

the darkest cloud in the thunder storm

Think of what starlight and lamplight would lack,

diamonds and fireflies if they couldn’t lean against black

Mary O’Neil

 blog139

Black is important.  Look at how vibrant this beautiful Mandala is against a black background!  The colours appear brighter. Just as my client at first was thinking of the black or somber smudges on her canvas as being negative, characteristics that we perceive as negative often ‘open up’ exciting possibilities.  And the opposite is also true.  Positive characteristics ‘open up’ opportunities, but they have the inherent potential to ‘close down’ other abilities.  So being aware of the potential of both positive and negative characteristics to ‘open up’ or ‘close down’ possibilities helps us to turn our ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’. 

For more information on Executive Coaching using an Integral approach, please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311. 

135: Sunrise and sunset

October 6, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Life has many beginnings and many endings.  Yet, each is a transition from that which was ‘before’ to what comes ‘after’.  And we need to consciously embrace these changes but often there will be obstacles holding us back.  My job as an ‘Executive Coach’, using an integral approach, is to help individuals turn their ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  And here another kind of stone, the ‘touchstone’ plays an important part, too. 

I have asked this question in many other articles:  what are your ‘touchstones’?  What are those smells, tastes, sights, sounds and feelings that bring out the best in you?  What are those experiences that make you feel really good?  Which are those situations which make you feel ‘whole’? And once you have identified those ‘touchstones’, what can you do to consciously incorporate more of these optimally every day of your life?  

Let me give you one of my own examples:  each day has a beginning and an ending.  And sunrise and sunset, mark the start and end of daylight.  And with their changing light sunrise and sunset are special ‘touchstones’ for me.  Another ‘touchstone’ is my family whom I value so highly. Today, October 1 2013, I was privileged to enjoy both a beautiful sunrise and a magnificent sunset and be with both my son and daughter and their families.  I started the day on an Alpaca farm at Broke in the Hunter Valley where I was ‘on holiday’ with my son and his family.  And I experienced sunset after I returned to Sydney and went for a walk with my daughter and her family in St Ives. 

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Sunrise at the Alpaca farm in Broke, Hunter Valley, NSW.

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Sunset in St Ives, Sydney, NSW.

We need to give priority to integrating our ‘touchstones’ into our lives wherever possible.  For example, if I don’t wake up in time and go outside, I’m not going to experience the magnificent changes that sunrise brings.  And the same applies at sunset.  And if I don’t spend as much time as possible with my family, I’m also going to miss out on one of life’s greatest gifts. Pausing to appreciate these strengthens the benefits.  The simple act of stopping to focus through the lense of a camera also adds a new dimension. 

So, I’ll ask the questions again: 

  • What are your ‘touchstones’?
  • How are you consciously incorporating them in your life on an ongoing basis?
  • How often are you stopping so you can fully appreciate those things which make you feel really good?
  • What else are you doing to create ‘space’ in your life so you can recognise and optimise opportunities for embracing your unique ‘touchstones’?
  • How can you use your ‘touchstones’ to help you enjoy change?

For more information on ‘Executive Coaching’ or Keynote Speaking please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

117: The importance of reflection and journaling

May 19, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Reflection followed by journaling is an important part of the process for those engaged in shifting their ‘way of being’ and making positive changes in their lives. 

By ‘reflection’ we mean creating an intentional pause during which real self-awareness is possible.  Stillness enables introspection.  And this is often difficult for clients.  The demands of professional and business careers usually come with the expectation that being constantly ‘in action’ is the only way to achieve positive results.  This also applies to those of us in leadership positions. 

Reflection provides an opportunity to think about our cognitive, emotional and somatic states at any specific time.  Thus we can more easily recognise the patterns in our lives and acknowledge the part we personally play in establishing those patterns.  Thus reflection is an important element in changing ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  Please see the post, ‘Turning ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’:  the BIG picture’.  

As an ‘integral coach’, I usually suggest that clients’ reflections involve stopping and thinking about what happened during the day and their role in those developments.  How did they react – or how did they respond to situations?  What were their feelings at the time?  How does the response show something of their past, their present and their future possibilities?  How are their self-observations, practices and exercises going?  What are their great insights for that day? And which were their crystal-clear moments?  And what did their bodies feel like at any of those times? 

Without stopping to reflect we often go on blindly ignoring the way we are perpetuating patterns of thought and behaviour which may not be serving us well. 

Journaling crystallises our thoughts and consolidates the process of refection.  So we usually combine these two assignments or do our journaling immediately after our reflection on a daily basis.  This critical habit is part of the integral coaching process.  And for many people this isn’t easy.  However the benefits are enormous.  Journaling helps capture the insights gained in a meaningful way and generally celebrates progress and areas that we need to work on.  Through conversation the coach can gain valuable information for building a programme where the practices and exercises are even more relevant. 

When clients are battling with their journaling there are many ways to creatively make the activities more enjoyable – and thus more sustainable.  Through my coaching experience I have noticed that often a slight change can make a big difference.  Although I don’t see the contents of the client’s journal, we discuss their insights and progress at each session.   Here are some of the areas I usually explore with clients: 

  • Journaling in writing seems to generate better results than capturing reflections on computer.  Writing manually is quite a challenge for many who are accustomed to doing everything on computer or on their iPads.  Audio recordings also do not seem to have the same benefits as ‘good old-fashioned’ writing.   Try it!
  • The choice of journal is important.  Some clients choose A4 size, others prefer a book that will fit in their handbags.  The colour and type of cover need to be appealing to the owner?  Will it encourage you to pick it up and write?  And what does it feel like?  Is it hard and rigid?  Or is it soft and pliable?  And do you prefer lines – or blank pages?  I have found interesting journals in the most unusual places.  For example, I bought the one I’m using at present from  ‘Mr Price Home’.  And I love it!

 blog117

 

  • Mandy (*) a Chartered Accountant recently provided an excellent example of finding a creative solution regarding her ‘type of journal’.  She has achieved great heights in her profession and other areas of her life.  And she was committed to our ‘Executive Coaching’ programme and diligently following through on all our agreed assignments.  However, she found the reflections and journaling extremely difficult.  At first she tried capturing her thoughts each evening on computer.  She couldn’t sustain that.  So after the next session she tried writing in a new journal.  That too was not working.  But we persisted and she creatively tried to find a way that engaged her and was sustainable.  She found the solution herself.  The answer was using a ring-bound journal.  Knowing that she could tear out the pages if she was not happy with what she had written made her feel less vulnerable.  And her journaling became an authentic recording of her reflections.  As far as I know she hasn’t yet torn out a page!  But, knowing that she could remove a page if she wanted to was the solution to her uneasiness.
  • Many of us are particular about the type of pens we use.  So, if we are not comfortable with one type, it is worth persisting and trying a variety.  Geoffrey (*) writes freely with gelwriters with rubber grips.  Giving him a ballpoint does not bring out the best in him!  What is your favourite type of pen?
  • The colour of the ink is also important.  Jane (*) has a set of pens and consciously decides which colour she feels like using that day.  Some days she writes different components of her journaling in different colours.  Things she is proud of might be red, areas that are making her nervous might be purple and growth could be green.  
  • I assign drawing Mandalas as a practice to many of my clients and these can be effectively incorporated into the day’s journaling.  Please see my previous article,   Mandalas to unmuddle the mind.  It is the process of creating Mandalas that is important – and we do not set out to produce a masterpiece.  In fact, we are purposely ‘non- judgemental’ in our approach.   Including Mandala’s in our journaling certainly brings the pages to life.  Here is a glimpse of one of the pages in my current journal: 

 blog117a

  • Many clients enjoy drawing pictures or patterns in their journals, too.
  • It is better to have a set time of day to journal.  Using suitable phone reminders helps us to establish the new journaling habit.  And it is good to start small – possibly assign only 5 minutes a day in the beginning?
  • Remember that we are doing our reflections and journaling primarily for our own self-development.  Writing with the mindset that others will read what we have written destroys our ability to be authentic, to allow our real thoughts to surface.  We need to be honest even when what we write may sound ridiculous, irrational and unlike the way we have been conditioned to think of ourselves.  We need to let the writing flow and not look back during each session.  We need to be curious, not judgmental. 
  • Don’t look back too often!  In order to appreciate the progress we are making, it is important not to look back on our journaling too soon or too often.  After a few weeks or months, go over the writings looking for patterns.  It is amazing what surfaces.  Try it – it is worth persisting in establishing this habit.  

There will often be challenges in setting the time aside and in following through in immersing ourselves in the reflections and journaling.  But there are creative ways of finding solutions.  Find the way that suits you best and establish a sustainable habit.   The benefits are enormous!  

(*)  Names have been changed to protect clients’ identities.  

For more information on ‘Executive Coaching’, or other services offered, please visit www.strategy-leadership.com or e-mail brenda@146.66.90.172

Touchstones: catch some-one doing something right

December 19, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

We all benefit from genuine praise. It motivates and energises. ‘Catching a member of your team doing something right’ and showing immediate sincere appreciation is a competence which you can develop. It takes practice.  This applies equally in our business, personal and community lives.  And we develop these skills during many of the BEI courses. 

Let me tell you a story:  Today I ‘caught someone doing something right’ in bringing their ‘touchstones’ into their work lives.  I immediately found out who the leader was, called her and told her how much I appreciated her actions. 

I’ll set the scene, ‘frame’ the event.  I was lying in my hospital bed thinking how fortunate I am - for so many reasons.  Scans had excluded suspected serious conditions.  I had been given a private ward when it is often almost impossible to get any bed in the hospital. It was peaceful.  

The view from my window was exquisite.  I enjoyed watching the blue sky and clouds change shape.  If I looked down there was some activity in the hospital carpark, but no disturbing sounds. At the centre of my ‘picture’ were two flags waving ‘hello’.  The first showed ‘Brand South Africa’ and the other, ‘Brand Netcare’. Through the fence was the busy road with cars and taxis speeding to their destinations.  

Across the road were two huge buildings, ‘Natalia’ and ‘The Library’.  Both have a special meaning for me as they were designed by the architect who designed our house (for himself) and from whom we bought our home.  Between these buildings, in the distance, up in the green hills below Worlds View, I could see our home and I absolutely love our beautiful home which is one of my own ‘touchstones’.  Patterns were forming. 

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The view from my window: Sunday, December 16 2012.

Recognising similarities and patterns is important in our lives and especially for coaching to be successful.  As ‘integral coaches’, we help clients learn to take their ‘stumbling blocks’ and turn them into ‘stepping stones’.  Thus they treat ‘negatives’ as ‘challenges’ which they can consciously learn to use effectively for their own benefit. 

One of the techniques I use is asking a BIG question:  ‘How can you incorporate more of your ‘touchstones’ into your daily lives’?  Through conversation I first help clients to identify those smells, tastes, sights, sounds and feelings that bring out the best in them, make them feel ‘whole’ or ‘really good’.  We spend time exploring these factors.  Then whatever the ‘issue’ (another term for ‘stumbling block’) facing them, the next question revolves around how to incorporate more ‘touchstones’ in dealing with the ‘stumbling block’?  How can we incorporate more of our ‘touchstones’ (those experiences that bring out the best in us) into our work, private and community lives?

So, that sets the scene for the wonderful example I had today at St Anne’s Hospital in Pietermaritzburg. It is Sunday morning and the surgical ward is very quiet as most of the doctors have gone on holiday and there were few scheduled operations this, the week before Christmas.  As I lay in bed photographing the beautiful view from my window (please see the photo above), I heard the melodious sounds of gospel singers.  I felt great joy.  It was wonderful that these professional singers should voluntarily visit hospitals and sing for the patients on a Sunday.  I wanted to see who they were, but was confined to bed.  I wanted to know if they had possibly produced a CD I could buy for a friend.  I lay there hoping they would walk towards my room so that I could see them and thank them personally, but unfortunately they didn’t. 

I rang the bell and one of the nurses immediately came to me, but unfortunately the group had completed their singing in our ward.  I asked who the professional singers were and was astounded to find that they were the staff in my ward!  They gather together to pray early most mornings and where possible burst into spontaneous song. Any of the staff who wish to do so are welcome to join in.  And the songs vary from day to day.  I asked and was told that ‘Boni’ was the leader so of course I asked that she come and speak to me.  What a charming young lady she is!  I learnt that she has no formal training in singing but sings in the Catholic Church.  She shows great leadership potential, too.  Being able to lead a constantly changing group (mostly considerably older than her) in a variety of songs which are different each time takes great skill.  The music comes from their hearts.  To me this is true ‘soul’ music.

Boniswe Sithole, Student Nurse, St Annes, Pietermaritzburg.

Boniswe Sithole, Student Nurse, St Annes, Pietermaritzburg.

What is our lesson from this?  It is wonderful that the staff are able to incorporate singing, one of their ‘touchstones’, an activity they are passionate about, into their work lives.  At the same time, the ‘ripple’ effect to their patients is enormous.  It also strengthens the bond between the team members (nursing staff).  Thank you to Boni for leading today’s singing. I also commend the other singers, too. 

So from this story, how can we use these examples to enrich our own lives? 

  • Firstly, identify your ‘touchstones’. Think of the smells, tastes, sights, sounds and experiences that bring out the best in you – the things that make you feel ‘whole’. 

(These nurses are passionate about singing.)

  • How can you use these ‘touchstones’ to turn your ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’?

(The seriousness of their daily work is complemented by the joyous singing which enables them focus and to cope better.)

  • How can you use patterns to enhance your functioning?

(The nurses recognise that some staff voluntarily wish to join them in prayer followed by singing.  They notice a pattern in that this activity gives them a good start to their long hours of duty.)

  • How can you incorporate more of your ‘touchstones’ into all aspects of your life?

(The nurses sing at work, at a specific and appropriate time, they also sing at home and they sing at their churches or other places of worship.)

  • What can you do to ‘catch people doing something right’ and sincerely ‘polish them?

(I immediately rang the bell for a nurse, found out who the leader was, invited her to come to my bedside and throughout the day asked and commended any of the other nurses who had been involved in the singing. I also posted this article on my website, mentioned my experience in my evaluation on being discharged and sent a copy of this article to the management team.)

You’ll find another article on the topic of ‘Catch some-one doing something right’ on our website. 

For more information on Leadership Development, Team Development or Executive Coaching please contact Brenda on +27 82 4993311 or +27 33 3425432, brenda@146.66.90.172 or www.strategy-leadership.com

Butterflies of Distinction

July 30, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

These pictures were taken during two visits where my client and I met at ‘Butterflies for Africa’.

As coaches we provide ‘distinctions’ that help our clients turn ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  Let me give you an example: When one of my clients came to her first coaching session, she was ‘stuck’ in an almost intolerable situation.  The situation was dragging her down, she was anxious and life seemed full of ‘doom and gloom’.  

At our second session I asked her to describe any beautiful experience she’d had recently.  At first she was quiet and suddenly her face lit up as she told me about her visit to the ‘butterfly farm’.  A butterfly had settled on her hand and she had felt great peace.  We explored this further and the butterfly became her ‘distinction’. 

I searched internet and found a brilliant ‘fast forward’ YouTube video of caterpillars freely climbing the branches.  They then seemed trapped in the cocoon for a while before breaking out of the cocoon and each emerged as a beautiful butterfly.  This metaphor described her situation.  She used to have freedom of movement.  She was now trapped in that cocoon.  But she acknowledged that like the butterfly, there was a set time for her to break out.  She became curious about the changes taking place inside the cocoon during the incubation period and she began to realise that this was not a period ofstagnation, but rather of hidden activity. 

What actually happened during the coaching process?  This distinction expanded the invitation and created further possibilities.  We both had great fun linking this to all aspects of our coaching programme. For example, we spoke about getting the ‘butterflies to fly in formation’.  She began formulating her book, using ‘the butterfly within’ as a theme for her writing.  The coaching programme enabled her to focus her ideas.  The new balance in her life also enabled her to spend time re-establishing parts of her garden and she has incorporated tiles with butterfly motifs.  

She excelled during the coaching programme.  The ‘butterfly distinction’ helped her to turn her ‘stumbling block’ into a ‘stepping stone’.  What are your ‘stumbling blocks’?  Often we have ‘blind spots’ and can’t see our own situation clearly.  And we don’t know how to change the patterns in our lives.  Through self-observation a good coach can help us to identify, self-correct and self-generate and thus improve our ‘way of being’. 

For more information on our coaching services, please contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172,  Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.

Isn’t it Strange?

January 31, 2012 by Brenda 2 Comments

People ask me to explain ‘integral coaching’.  For me, the easiest way to describe it is that we help people to turn ‘stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.

I was delighted when Andrew Bryant started his workshop at the National Speakers of Australia convention in Melbourne in April 2011 with his theme poem, ‘Isn’t it strange?’  Andrew, thanks for sharing.

Isn't it Strange?

Isn't it strange, that princes and kings,
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common-folk like you and me,
are builders for eternity?

To each is given a bag of tools,
a shapeless mass and a Book of Rules;
and each must make 'ere time has flown,
a stumbling block or a stepping stone.

R.L. Sharpe, "A bag of tools," circa 1809

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