Brenda Eckstein International

Strategy, Leadership, Integral Coaching and Communication consulting

  • Welcome
  • About Us
    • Brenda
    • Clients
  • Services
    • Strategy
    • Leadership Development
    • Training
    • Executive Coach
    • Speaker
    • Author
    • Conference Services
  • EYES Publishing
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Contact Us
  • Welcome
  • About Us
    • Brenda
    • Clients
  • Services
    • Strategy
    • Leadership Development
    • Training
    • Executive Coach
    • Speaker
    • Author
    • Conference Services
  • EYES Publishing
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Contact Us

111: Listen to the Universe

March 7, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Listen to the Universe so that you’ll know when the Universe is listening to you – and responding.  Many of us spend a great deal of time managing the present.  We fight deadlines, and feel as though we have little time to work towards the future.   However, each of us is a ‘gift’ to the world and we need to spend time uncovering and discovering our purpose.  How can we build in line with our authentic selves?  And often this ‘building’ may seem overwhelming.  But once we start, the Universe seems to send us what we need. 

Let me tell you a story.  As a coach, I want to be the best possible coach so that I can help my clients ‘turn stumbling blocks’ into ‘stepping stones’.  In looking carefully at myself, and through being coached by an excellent coach, I realized that I’m much better at ‘output’ rather than ‘input’.  I love writing these blogs, developing training programmes, speaking in front of audiences, and I write volumes.  I have improved my listening skills (input) to an extent where I do focus on my clients when coaching but find that I’m not spending enough ‘quality time’ reading.   (And I really have been trying to do my practices!)  This also is in line with ‘practice what you teach’.  But my reading was just not good enough.

blog111

Then yesterday I went to Graemor’s (an accounting firm) birthday celebration and there were amazing prices to be won.  I was hoping that I’d win the airflights or one of the other spectacular ‘lucky draws’.   But I won something even better…… the Universe knew I was trying to read more, and sent me 8 (yes, 8) amazing books donated by the local branch of Exclusive books.  But what is even more incredible is that the books range from cooking to business to inspirational and cover the whole spectrum.  I’m going to gain such enjoyment from reading these books. 

So, when you crystallise your thoughts and voice them, the Universe listens and assists you.  So that is why you need to be clear as to what you need.  In addition, you have to stay open and ‘tuned in’ to what is happening around you.  So, focus and peripheral vision are two skills we need to develop. 

For more information on ‘Executive Coaching’ please contact Brenda Eckstein on +27 82 4993311 or e-mail brenda@146.66.90.172.  The website is www.strategy-leadership.com

Reflections on ‘a lighthouse’

November 27, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

My favourite lighthouse is at Umhlanga Rocks, KwaZulu-Natal.  It stands next to the Promenade, outside the Oyster Box Hotel.  I love looking out to sea and seeing the ships beyond.  This was the view from my balcony at the hotel at sunrise on a beautiful morning in November 2011.  

If you have ever read ‘Care of the Soul’ (Thomas Moore) you’ll know what I mean when I say this experience puts me in touch with my soul.  These beautiful surroundings make me feel ‘whole’.

This sight stirs my imagination.  I came up with some facts and questions which I’m sharing. 

It is fascinating that every lighthouse throughout the world has its own unique colours and patterns. 

      Q:  What are your (true) colours?

      Q:  How are others perceiving your patterns?

Lighthouses have identifiable flashes.  The Umhlanga Lighthouse has ‘group flashing’ every twenty seconds and the range is 24 sea miles.

      Q:  What signals are you sending out to others?

      Q:  How do you make yourself known when some-one else is experiencing darkness?   

Lighthouses stand firm on the rocks.

      Q:  What keeps you ‘grounded’?

Lighthouses mark a geographic location.  The Umhlanga Lighthouse is positioned at 29 43 41.57 South, 31 05 18.20 East

      Q:  Where do you choose to position yourself?

      Q:  What is your territory?

The ships waiting to go into Durban harbour use the Umhlanga Lighthouse as a beacon. 

      Q:  How are you ‘showing some-one else the way’?

Lighthouses are designed for a purpose.

      Q:  What is your purpose?

      Q:  What will it take for you to fulfil your purpose?

Lighthouses have ‘keepers’ or ‘custodians’.  The Oyster Box Hotel, in the early years, ‘managed’ the lighthouse from the front-desk area of the hotel.  In many cases, ‘port authorities’ manage the lighthouse.

      Q:  Who are your ‘keepers’, your ‘custodians’?  Who is supporting you?

      Q:  Who are you supporting?

According to www.lighthouses.co.za, the Umhlanga lighthouse  ‘stands guard to some of the most treacherous waters of Southern Africa and not only warns ships of the hidden dangers, but the flashing light is also a welcome to the ships sailing into the safety of the Durban harbour’.

      How can you help others who are sailing in ‘treacherous waters’?

      How can your light help others sail to safety?

The questions above may help you to reflect.  If you’d like to share your own ‘lighthouse’ questions with me, you are welcome to please send me a personal e-mail at brenda@146.66.90.172

To learn more about the Oyster Box Hotel, please go to www.oysterbox.co.za.  You’ll see the lighthouse on the home-page and have a look at the magnificent photos in the ‘outdoors’ section of the photo-gallery.

It would be great to see you there!

Warm wishes,

Brenda

Communication: Close The Gap

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Poor communication is often stated as a major problem facing business and the professions.  This applies to both external and internal communication and is also evident in our private lives. 

In this article we are addressing ‘direct’ communication where our intention is to effectively provide others with information. We are referring to either written or verbal messages. In a later blog we’ll address ‘conversational’ communication which is important in building relationships. 

THE GAP
There is usually a gap between our intended message and the recipient’s understanding of it.  Their perception has been shaped by their environment and personal experience.  Comprehension of the message will also be affected by ‘barriers’ and these could include personal prejudice, inability to understand the person’s accent, noise etc.

If the receiver realises there is a gap, they’ll try to fill the gap with what they thought the sender meant.  So, the bigger the gap the more distorted the message may become.

CLOSING THE GAP
So, our goal is to minimise the gap and this becomes even more important where we are dealing with a complex message.  How do we do this?  We need to check that we are sending a clear, concise message and there are a number of ways to do this:

1.  Journalistic approach
We should check our message against the following (open) questions to ensure that we have covered all necessary aspects for that specific message.  We won’t always need to cover all the questions below.  But check the appropriate ‘open’ questions.

a. Who?
b. How?
c. When?
d. Where?
e. Which?
f. Why?
g. What?

2.  Layers of complexity
Think about the message carefully. Obviously it is going to be worded differently depending on our target recipient.  But to understand our own content better a good exercise is to ask ourselves how we could best explain the same message to each of the following types of people:

a. A five-year old
b. A seventeen-year-old
c. An ‘average’ adult
d. A specialist in that field

I’m grateful to the inspiring Australian presenter, Glen Capelli for planting the seed which helped me to recognise the importance of being able to convey the same message to a range of different age-groups.

We could also change our groupings to cover different layers within our organisation.  Or we could ask ourselves how we’d explain it to various stakeholders – directors, management, staff, customers, suppliers, SARS.  How would we explain the same message to each of those? Do we understand our message clearly enough to provide it to all of these in an appropriate, coherent manner (even if it is intended for only one group at this time)?

3.  Contributory and contradictory thinking
Explore the message further to make sure we have a depth of understanding. Can we expand on the content? In applying ‘contributory’ thinking we could start by confirming, for example:  ‘I agree with the statement.’ Then you would add to the idea.  ‘And it would also apply in the other contexts (like the leather industry)’.

Then use ‘contradictory’ thinking to examine the exceptions.  ‘I agree with the concept, but for example, it would not apply in South Africa because our crime rate is too high.’

MORE GAPS
Do you remember the game that many of us played as children where messages had to be passed on to others?  It was known by various titles including ‘broken telephone’. The more the message was transferred to sequential recipients, the more distorted the original message became.  The game reflects reality.

After the first ‘gap’ the receiver does not have the content of the message exactly the same as the sender intended it and in passing it on, there will be additional gaps created between the new sender and each individual receiver.  So again, our ‘middle man’ needs to make sure that:
• Their perception of the message is as close as possible to the original sender’s intention.
• They check to make sure their message is clear before passing it on to the next person.

CUTTING OUT THE ‘MIDDLE MAN’
What Netcare in South Africa has done very successfully at St Augustine’s hospital in Durban to overcome the problem of messages not being passed on, or messages not being passed on correctly, is that they have cut out the middle layer.  So, messages go directly to 1800 staff members via SMS.  By cutting down the number of people the message goes through, there are less ‘gaps’.  In addition, people always have their phones with them and there is no delay. This concept is working very well for Netcare.

In this article we have spoken primarily about passing information to others directly.  In a later article we’ll look at communication that is less ‘direct’, the kind that we need to use in building relationships.  Quality conversation helps us to get to know people and also plays an important part in building trust.  We all prefer to deal with people we know and trust.  So, there we are introducing the element of how to become the ‘person of choice’.

The BEI four-hour workshop, ‘how to get your point across’ has been our ‘top seller’ for many years. We continuously improve the content. The results are phenomenal and those who attend public workshops often request that we then present ‘in house’ for companies.  Diverse audiences have included doctors and nurses in the UK who found themselves promoted through their medical skills and with very little experience in managing trusts, hospitals or wards.  Others have been IT technicians, University lecturers, salespeople.  

At the EYES (Enhance Your Executive Skills) programme at the Oyster Box Hotel on August 18 2010, the topic was ‘How to get your point across’.

Seen here during the workshop are participants (left to right): Cedric Wilmans (Cedric Wilmans Financial Planners ), Bruno Lionnet (AdaptIT) and David Rhodes (Dystar Boehme).

For more information on this training or other training we present you are welcome to contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or have a look at our website www.strategy-leadership.com

Lessons In Communication Skills

May 8, 2011 by Brenda Leave a Comment

My son, Gary is a business consultant and trainer http://eckstein.id.au  and is based in Sydney, Australia.  He says that in order to really understand and practise negotiation skills, you need to have a lot to do with young children.  I agree.  Through our interaction and communicating with young children we can learn a great deal that will help us in leading or managing adults.

When you have a message to deliver, consider how differently you’d deliver it to a five-year old, a teenager, a young working adult, and a highly specialised adult.   These layers of complexity help us to understand our own message and the best way to deliver it.  There needs to be as small a gap as possible between our intention in sending the message and the perception of the message’s content by the person receiving the message.  The bigger the gap between the two, the more the person will fill it with what they thought your intention might have been - and this can lead to great misunderstanding.

During this trip to Australia for four days a week I was privileged in ‘looking after’ my granddaughter, Ella who turned five in January and started her first year at ‘big school’ in February this year.  This was a great opportunity to get to know her better and build positive relationships.  What I didn’t realise was how much she’d be teaching me! - and what wonderful examples she’d be providing for the leadership and communication skills training I present. 

So, what lessons did I learn from this charming young five-year old?

The importance of a positive attitude

As we walked into the local shopping centre, I mentioned that I’d like to go and say ‘hello’ to my friend Margaret whom I hadn’t yet seen this trip.  I reminded Ella that she had met Margaret 18 months ago.  At first, Ella was deeply concerned because at that point she couldn’t remember Margaret.

After a few seconds as we walked along, she said, ‘but Granny Brenda, that’s good!’  I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.  So, I asked her and she explained: ‘It’s good that we can’t remember some things because it makes more space in our brains for new things’.  How true!  And as adults many of us could use that thinking to justify our failing memories! 

The ability to find positives in every negative situation is a skill which many adults have not yet mastered.  It requires creativity – and this little girl sure taught me a lesson or two!

Incidentally, as we arrived at Margaret’s place of work, Ella suddenly remembered her.  And she was relieved.  (I didn’t pursue its impact on her perceived ‘space’ in her brain!)

As adults, a positive attitude helps to build relationships.  Within positive relationships we can achieve better outcomes and there is more likely to be an ‘absence of malice’ if things do go wrong.  In addition, people are more receptive to any message which we may wish to convey.

Think about things.  Don’t take anything for granted.

I presumed that going to town by train would be a great treat.  But Ella said, ‘Granny Brenda, I’ve been on a train a few times, and that would be good, but I’ve never ever been on a bus’.  What fun we had going by bus!

This adventure provided many learning experiences for both of us.  For example, as we took our seats on the bus she asked with disbelief:  ‘But, Granny Brenda, why did we have to pay to go on the bus?’ If she hadn’t asked, I would have taken it for granted that everybody knew you paid to go on a public bus! This led to stimulating conversation.

It requires skill for us to convey a message in a way that is suitable for the person we are speaking with.  How do you describe capitalism, economic supply and demand, or basic business principles to a five-year-old? I pursued the topic and thought I’d explained in a way that was suitable for her.  However, later that day she showed that I had not covered the topic in enough detail.  ‘Granny, the man driving the bus, does he own the bus?’

So, when leading or managing your teams, think about the amount of information you need to convey. Don’t take anything for granted.  Make it easy for people to ask relevant questions – either at the time, or later.

The importance of really listening to the words we use

I have mentioned one of the highlights of our time together, the day we spent in the city (Sydney).  Although we traveled in by bus, we returned to the suburb where she lives by train.  Although she had been on trains before, this was an adventure.

During the journey, she suddenly said, with great indignation, ‘That’s not right!’ I was confused and asked her what she was talking about.  She explained:  “the man said ‘please stand clear of the doors’”.  She was talking about an announcement she’d just heard as the train departed from a station. 

I still didn’t understand.  ‘Well’ she said indignantly, ‘Granny Brenda, we aren’t standing.  We are sitting.’  She was right.  The message didn’t apply to us – at that time.  But it did apply to many others.

It’s a matter of awareness.  Think about what you are hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and feeling.  Have an opinion on everything. You don’t have to express it.  But think about things.  As one of the great presenters in Australia teaches, develop ‘contributory and contradictory thinking’.

In ‘contributory thinking’, even if you agree with what the person is saying, you ask yourself ‘what else can I add to that?’ Take the same statement and use ‘contradictory thinking’.  In other words, you may agree with the basic statement, but you know it wouldn’t work under certain circumstances.

So, in the case of the announcement at the station, ‘the man’ was right in telling people to ‘stand clear’ of the doors (to prevent danger). And there could have been accidents on that train (and on any train leaving that station – or any other station) if people hadn’t obeyed (contributory thinking).  However, although he was right, his command didn’t apply to us as we were sitting safely in the train. (Contradictory) 

So, listen to messages we receive. Think about any message we convey and test both against ‘contributory’ and ‘contradictory’ thinking.  That way our communication will be more effective.

Practise your conversation skills

In my communication skills workshops I constantly stress the importance of practising ‘quality conversation’.  The rationale is that we all prefer to deal with people we know and trust.  Building trust goes hand-in-hand with building positive relationships.  Conversation is a tool for building those relationships.

I always tell people to regularly practise the simple conversation techniques we cover in the workshops and I have been excited by the feedback from people who have done this.  For example, one business executive decided that every morning while driving his teenage daughter to school, for those 40 minutes he’d ask her to help him practise the techniques.  So, instead of silence and just listening to the radio in the car, they began to have stimulating conversations.  They both began to look forward to the daily practice session and they added new elements.  The father delegated reading the daily newspaper to his daughter so that they could discuss current events.  Hearing each other’s views added richness to their relationship.  He was so very grateful that his relationship with his daughter had moved from ‘average’ to ‘outstanding’. 

We all need to practise our conversation skills and what better place to do it than with our families?  And it doesn’t matter how old our conversation partners are, it helps to improve the quality not only of conversation, but also of relationships. 

Ella, as mentioned earlier in this article is only 5 years old and has a natural ability to communicate.  But doesn’t almost every child?  She I enjoy the most wonderful conversations following the ‘listen – comment – (open) question’ principles which I teach adult participants during my training courses.  We can enrich our understanding or others by engaging in quality conversation. So, practise your conversation skills and you’ll enrich the lives of those you practise with and enhance your performance in the workplace.

There are lessons all around us.  Recognise and optimise opportunities.  I’m grateful for the privilege of spending many days learning from a five-year old.

Latest articles

  • Countdown to 2022
  • Positive Relationships: 2021
  • How do I deal with imperfection?
  • Finding freedom
  • How to streamline your life

Recent Posts

  • Countdown to 2022
  • Positive Relationships: 2021
  • How do I deal with imperfection?
  • Finding freedom
  • How to streamline your life

Blog Categories

  • Business Consulting
  • Coaching
  • Communication Skills Training
  • Customer Service
  • Keynotes
  • Leadership Development
  • Personal Networking
  • Strategy

Search this website

Contact Brenda

Phone:+27 (0)33 342 5432
Fax:+27 (0)86 5188 205
Mobile:+27 (0)82 499 3311
E-mail:brenda@strategy-leadership.com

Login

Login here

Copyright © 2023 · Brenda Eckstein International, Phone: +27 (0)82 499 3311, Email: brenda@strategy-leadership.com · Website by OrganicWeb