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Travellers’ tips for the journey

March 2, 2018 by Brenda 2 Comments

I smiled as I read Trip Advisor’s article on ‘Travellers’ Top Tips to Pack Smart’.  Every one of these ideas could be considered as a metaphor for preparing ourselves for an optimal journey through the next phase of our lives, whether we are referring to next year or the rest of our lives.

How might this apply to our lives?
Many of us have lives that are far too cluttered and are carrying excess baggage whether physically or emotionally. These weigh us down and deplete our energy. How do we trim down, keep just what is useful and helping us to lead better lives? And how do we carefully choose those new aspects that are fun and create adventure? Our cups soon start to overflow if we just keep adding. The new items spill out over the top. The process involves firstly clearing out excess. Then create space by stopping certain activities while being cognisant of continuing what is important and serving a purpose.

This tip also implies having spare resources to spend. As the facilitator of personal strategy, I find that when we talk of resources, individuals tend to think primarily in terms of financial resources. I assign an exercise which involves carefully considering various resources such as knowledge and access to information, skills, qualifications, personal branding, the use of personal attributes (character strengths, values, touchstones etc.), executive coaching, energy, people, networks and relationships, time, technology, transport, accommodation and many more resources.

I believe there is a parallel between the way we build, store and use the resources at our disposal and the way we can consciously build, store and use our energy in the best possible way.

How might this apply to our lives?
Not only is life moving at an accelerated pace but we are bombarded by more and more stimuli. This means that we need to take active steps to filter out what is not necessary at that time. How can we be mindful, focussed and living in the moment if we are distracted and overwhelmed by all that is going on around us? How do we selectively eliminate or reduce the effect of certain stimuli which may be unnecessary or negative at that time? We need rest so a metaphorical sleepmask could be very helpful in enabling us to filter out interfering stimuli relating to sight. The earmuffs could help us avoid hearing harassment and unnecessary sounds which are intruding on our presence.

The sleep mask and earplugs are useful in keeping out influences and stimuli which have a negative influence on our current ‘way of being’.

How might this apply to our lives?
Think of a suitcase as being the metaphor for the container of our lives.

We need to use our resources effectively and efficiently. To me, space is a resource and without space we can’t recognise or optimise opportunities.

But our lives are usually already very full. So how can we be more effective in packaging whatever we are fitting into our lives? How do we use least time and energy yet enhance the experience of whatever we do? How do we experiment in for example rolling rather than folding. How do we use disruption to our advantage? In my coaching programmes we introduce practices helping clients create space so that they can reflect productively or plan the future.

So what I’m saying here is ‘yes, we do need to fill up the gaps’ (like those when packing shoes) in a meaningful way. However, that will help to create space that we can use for productive purposes.

How might this apply to our lives?
We need to be more selective and discover items that have multiplicity of purpose. This again often requires a disruption to the way we have always unconsciously done things. How can we explore new ways of performing even the most mundane processes in our lives? In which ways can we find new uses for our existing items? For example, if I go to gym very early in the mornings, I am more likely to be able to watch sunrise on the way, take my dogs with me (they stay in the car so I can’t take them when it is too hot) and have my exercise completed before I start my workday. So there are many benefits.

How might this apply to our lives?
Often we feel overwhelmed because there is so much we need to do. Clustering similar activities or items could help us to feel more organised. Creating boundaries around them is also an important aspect of feeling ‘in control’. Some of us are better at doing this than others. What is within those boundaries is as important as what is not within, what is outside. We also need to make sure that the container is the right size and shape. And once we have become good at establishing those boundaries, how do we transfer that skill to other aspects of our lives?

How might this apply to our lives?
In order to focus on what is important on life’s journey or even parts of it, we need to remain focussed on what is important to us. It is easy to be distracted, especially when we are out of routine, in a strange place or embarking on a new journey.

Too often we are lulled into acceptance instead of choosing what is best for us. It is right for the masses, it isn’t necessarily right for us. Being pro-active and considering our options enables us to be more in tune with our own ‘way of being’.

How might this apply to our lives?
We spend our lives packing and unpacking. And it is good that we do that. However, reflecting on our actions helps us to create meaning. Through unpacking the experience and reflecting on it we can extract the essence, a simple lesson. And then we need to ask ourselves: How can I use this lesson in other fields in my life? What action should I take?

How might this apply to our lives?
The old adage, ‘sharing is caring’ applies in many aspects of our lives. Teamwork is important in so many areas. And here we can be referring to our partners, families or immediately team (both in our private or business lives). Or we could apply this to our broader network of relationships. We often forget the value of what others can add through sharing our space.

How might this apply to our lives?
In life we need energy for so many of our heart, head, spiritual, networking and other functions. Without it, action might be impeded. Connection to others gives us access to information, and assistance. This support enables us to use our own energy wisely.

How might this apply to our lives?
Stopping to record enables us to collect our thoughts and make the best possible use of information. Taking a photograph enables us to capture the moment and has great significance. In coaching programmes, where relevant, I often weave in a practice of daily pausing to take a photograph.

Use this tips in order to prepare yourself for a more successful life’s journey and you will flourish.

For more information on executive coaching, keynote speaking or training you are welcome to contact me - Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311, e-mail: brenda@146.66.90.172

Travelling companions on life’s journey

November 15, 2017 by Brenda Leave a Comment

In my second published book, ‘ABCs of Effective Networking’, I urge people to engage in quality conversation while travelling.   Through recognising and optimising opportunities I have met some wonderful people.  Of course, you need to be cognisant of people’s need for privacy and I do consider it a privilege if I sense that they are happy to engage in conversation.

Let me give you an example:  Last week on the 13 ½ hour flight from Sydney to Johannesburg I discovered that I had a great travelling companion.   As we settled down I looked at the guy sitting next to me and said;  ‘you look familiar…are you a cricketer?’ I know nothing about cricket but I knew my granddaughter would never forgive me if I’d sat next to a famous cricketer and didn’t bother to ask his name.  He adamantly replied, ‘no, I have never played cricket.  I am a surfer.’  The conversation could have ended at that point but I was intrigued and persisted further.  Practising what I preach I continued. ‘Oh, that is interesting.  Where do you surf?’  (You’ll notice that I’m giving an example of using my ‘listen-comment-question’ technique of building quality conversations.)

I was then able to lead the conversation towards our work-lives.  When he mentioned that he is a professional speaker, the ‘penny dropped’.  He was Travis Bell, the Bucket List Guy.  He and I belonged to the same organisation of Professional Speakers in Australia.  That is why he looked so  familiar.  Of course then the conversation flowed.   As we chatted we discovered that there were so many people whom we both knew and we had attended the same conferences.  

I discovered that the reason he was taking the flight to South Africa was because he was on a work assignment.  He was on his way to Monte Casino to present at a coaching organisation’s conference.   Thus our conversation turned towards coaching, a topic of great interest to both of us.  So we had so many areas of common interest.  You might like to have a look at one of his videos:

Life's way too short not to live your Bucket List | Travis Bell | TEDxMelbourne
 

Travis Bell, Australian Professional Speaker

When next you travel by air, make a conscious effort to build quality conversation with the person sitting next to you.  Use the ‘Listen – comment – question’ technique.  And ask open questions.  Yet, respect the person’s privacy.  Not only are you likely to have a far more interesting journey, you’ll discover the person sitting next to you and enrich your own life.

My questions for you:

  • How often do you connect with the person sitting next to you, whether it be during a journey or seated at a conference?
  • What are you doing to improve your conversation skills?
  • Once initiated, if the relationship is of value to you, what action can you take to sustain that relationship?

The parts of the whole

September 7, 2015 by Brenda Leave a Comment

As we entered the West Coast National Park in South Africa, hoping to see the natural phenomenon of the wild flowers in August, at first we might have felt disappointed. There were no flowers to be seen from the car.

West Coast National Park.

West Coast National Park.

However, as we travelled further into the Park, a feast of magical sights ensued. These varied from barren land, to wild sea views, beaches and sand-dunes forming a backdrop to magnificent carpets of various coloured flowers. At times these tapestries were predominantly orange and at others, blue or white.

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As we came closer to the fields of flowers there were areas where we were permitted to leave the car and could walk amongst the flowers. Looking closely at small areas we could marvel at the variety of flowers in bloom. In the picture below you can see five different flowers. And just look at the detail in each flower and leaf!

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My invitation is for you to consider the distinction between seeing the beauty of flowers from a distance and getting up close so you can actively engage with the flowers. These are two different approaches to admiring the wild flowers in the Western Cape. And both are wonderful ways to experience this miracle that occurs each year. In the first we marvel at the tapestry which nature has woven. In the second, we appreciate the intricate details of the plants and flowers weaving our picture.

I believe this is a metaphor which we can use in so many areas of our lives. In certain cases we complacently or lazily notice only the big picture. In others we may curiously examine the parts and their interconnectedness. Perhaps we should always be conscious that we are doing one or the other? And then we can make choices. It can add greater variety to our perspectives on many aspects and issues we face. Try it! You might be surprised at how you always view things in the same way. Experimenting could add greater meaning.

My questions for you are:

  • As you journey along life’s journey, what signs are you seeing along the way?
  • Just ‘going the extra mile’ how different might your view be?
  • If you shift your emphasis from the whole, the ‘big picture’, how might you appreciate the parts?
  • How often are you getting in touch with nature?
  • What journeys do you need to make?

For further information on Executive Coaching or Leadership Development please see www.strategy-leadership.com or contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

The Door of This Home

January 8, 2015 by Brenda Leave a Comment

May the door of this home be wide enough
to receive all who hunger for love,
all who are lonely for friendship. 

May it welcome all who have cares to unburden,
thanks to express, hopes to nurture. 

May the door of this house be narrow enough
to shut out pettiness and pride, envy and enmity. 

May its threshold be no stumbling block
to young and strained feet. 

May it be too high to admit to complacency,
selfishness and harshness. 

May this home be for all who enter, 
the doorway to richness and a more meaningful life.

The Siddur of Shir Chadash

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In addition to viewing this writing literally as a blessing for your home, my invitation is to use this as a metaphor for other areas of your life.  

For example, Virginia Carlson says: 

‘This writing is offered to encourage you to experience nature with an open mind.  Being out in nature, in a sense for some, is like being welcomed home.  It is a place where all burdens can be temporarily set down upon the ground or blown away in the wind.  The distractions of animals ease your mind into calm.  Other aspects of nature such as snow, flowers, little buds on bushes or leafing trees stir a sense of rebirth within your spirit.  Breathing in the crisp air, you can feel refurbished while your body physically stretches itself with rekindled energy.’ 

Those of us who are integral coaches could use this effectively as a distinction for our clients – and for ourselves!  This would help amplify the journey from current to future narrative.  I’d be interested to know what opportunities this might have opened for you, how this writing and its use as a metaphor might have enabled you to see something differently. 

For more information on Executive Coaching or Keynote Speaking, please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

109: Drive your life

February 27, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Life is an exciting journey and you can choose to be a passenger or drive your own vehicle.  Which is your preferred way of functioning?  And if you are in the driver’s seat, how defensively do you function?  This is important in any place that you are ‘on the road’.  However, in South Africa where the accident rate and hi-jacking rate are unfortunately exceptionally high, we need to pay even more attention to reducing risk.   

Recently at one of our Sunday Breakfast Club meetings held at the auspicious Oyster Box Hotel at Umhlanga, we were privileged to have East Coast Radio’s, ‘Trafficguy’, Johann von Bargen as our guest-speaker.  Affectionately known as ‘JvB’, he emphasised lessons and showed us practical ways of  minimising risk. 

The 'Trafficguy', Johann von Bargen.

The 'Trafficguy', Johann von Bargen.

By combining his unique experience in the ‘Police Force’ and practical day-to-day knowledge working with traffic and mishaps, using humour he painted vivid ‘word pictures’ and regaled us with stories, each of which had a powerful lesson.  His teachings provide excellent metaphors for reducing risks as we travel the journey of life.  Let’s look at just a few of those covered: 

1.    The risk of separation 

In discussing ‘anti hi-jacking techniques’, JvB asked us to distinguish between ‘theft’ and ‘hijacking’.  Do you know the difference?  He explained that technically, ‘hijacking’ is where the thieves separate you from your car’.  The next question becomes:  what can I do to minimise the risk of this happening to me? 

In life, our adaption to others’ expectations often robs us of being our ‘authentic selves’. Our real selves and the ‘person we have become’ are separated.  We sometimes no longer feel ‘whole’.  So what can we do to make ourselves more aware of what we are doing and minimise the risk of losing our true identity?  ‘Executive Coaching’ can play and effective and important role in ‘getting us back on the road’.

 2.    Respond rather than react

‘Trafficguy’ warned us that if we were in the process of being hijacked that we should not ‘fight with the hijackers’.  That sounds obvious.  These guys have guns and could use them.  JvB warned, ‘these guys react to you in the way that you interact with them’. 

Isn’t that true in most aspects of our lives?  In highly emotional situations, if we can pause, step back and respond (rather than react) we have a far higher chance of getting out of these difficult circumstances.   Practice in these techniques is an important part of our ‘executive coaching’ programmes.

3.    ‘Think like a hijacker’ 

JvB asked a simple question:  what do hi-jackers really want?  Most of us failed that question because our automatic answer was ‘my car’.  No, that is not what the hi-jackers really want.  Occasionally they may need a ‘getaway car’, but in most cases their goal is ‘money’.  They want to get rid of the car as quickly as possible and convert it to cash. 

So, what information are we unknowingly providing to hi-jackers?  What patterns of behaviour do we perpetuate?  For example, do we always leave home at the same time, follow the same route, and arrive at the office at the same time each day?  How predictable are we?  In doing this we are providing observable information that hi-jackers can quickly and easily use to their advantage.  

By consciously breaking patterns we make ourselves less vulnerable (to those with negative intentions).  If we want to reduce the risk of being hi-jacked we should consciously be aware of our behaviour and purposely change our patterns. 

So, what is it that others really want from us?  If we know what they want and how they think, we can adapt our behaviour to reduce the risk of misfortune.  How do we consciously ‘tune in’ to their needs and consider the way they are thinking?   Understanding and not presuming that others needs are the same as ours goes a long way in reducing risk. 

4.    Look far ahead and be pro-active

By ‘far ahead’ JvB is not talking about only as far as two cars in front of us.  The emphasis is on distance.  The further we project our vision, the more likely we are to be able to observe, interpret and take appropriate action.  Timing is important. 

In addition I like to help clients to look at peripheral vision.  What is happening ahead, behind, to the left to the right, above and below? Again, this metaphor can be used in ‘driving our lives’.  For example, ‘above’ and ‘below’ can apply literally or in our families, to different generations.  In our work lives, it could refer to levels of management in large organisations.  Are we alert to what might be happening?  This links to ‘Who moved my cheese’ and the principle, ‘smell the cheese often’.  What changes are there.  What might be happening?

In coaching we provide simple ‘self-observations’ and ‘practices’ that help to ‘look beyond’ and take appropriate action.  What might be happening beyond our ‘normal’ comfort zones?  We need to constantly ‘scan the environment so that we can minimize threats and maximize opportunities.

5.    Keep moving

Further advice given by JvB was ‘keep moving’.   If we are moving, especially at high-crime intersections, we are less of a target than those who are stationery. The statistic that he gave was that by moving (instead of stopping) we have 97% less chance of being hi-jacked.  An example that he gave was that if an individual were travelling at 20km per hour, no person ‘on foot’ would be able to hold a gun at their heads.  And a large percentage of hi-jackers are on foot. 

In addition, easing up slowly to an intersection where the traffic-light is red means that we spend less time in a dangerous area.  By looking far ahead and pacing our driving we can arrive at the intersection when the light is green, or even spend less time at the intersection.  By proceeding without stopping we reduce our risk enormously.

So, how do we apply this metaphor to ‘driving our lives’?  The more we fully understand dangers and the more we consciously modify behaviour to minimize potential risk, the more likely we are to proceed without incidents.

 6.    Stop at a safe distance

Stopping too late or in a dangerous area can have severe consequences.  This may sound like an unnecessary warning?  But embroidered with Johann's real-life examples, it is an important lesson.

How often do we, hampered by diverted attention come to a halt too late?  And this applies in all aspects of our lives. Focus is important.  We need to find the balance and still take the risks necessary for us to grow.  Stagnation results if we spend too long in our ‘comfort zones’.  Yet we need to be aware and consciously stop before it is too late

7.    Reverse park

This is an interesting lesson.  I have found that in countries like Australia, where the risk is much lower than here, people are much more likely to ‘reverse park’ than in this country where we need to do this as a matter of habit.  The advantages are enormous and Johann explored the advantages and possible barriers to our doing this.  

So, how does this lesson apply in other areas of our lives?  If we are facing the right way at the start of a journey, we have a ‘head-start’ on those who need to manoeuvre to get going.  Think of the time and effort it takes to first reverse, turn your car and then get going.  Always reverse park and you’ll be able to have a clean start in the journeys ahead. 

These are just a few of the profound lessons shared by Johann and I’m grateful for the role he plays in making this world a safer place for everyone. 

How can you take the ‘lessons in anti-hijacking’ and use these as metaphors for improving the way you cope with challenges in your life?

For further information on Executive Coaching, please contact Brenda Eckstein on +27 82 4993311 or e-mail brenda@146.66.90.172.  The website is www.strategy-leadership.com

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