Attitude | Brenda Eckstein International

Change your mindset

May 11, 2020 by Brenda 2 Comments

This article includes stories about princes and kings, caterpillars, toy engines and logotherapy. These may seem a very strange combination. But please continue reading as these elements add depth to the meaning of our first tip mentioned in the previous article. There I outlined twelve tips for leading through lockdown. In this current article more detail is added to the first tip, ‘change your mindset’

The question we ask is: why is it that some of us in similar situations are coping better than others during various degrees of lockdown? There are a host of possible factors to be considered. For example, some of us may feel that our personal freedom has been violated and dwell on that aspect. Others may have an innate ability to manage the present while leading to the future. And which people do you recognise as being able to persist until they have struggled to get over the next hill? Or maybe having ‘future mindedness’ as one of our top five character strengths enables us to use that strength in managing the present while leading to the future? Our propensity for coping with change is also a huge factor.

These are some of the possibilities and questions we may wish to ponder as we travel through this tough and uncertain period in our lives. Many factors may underpin our ability to deal with the current situation and accept that life will never be the same as before the current pandemic. We have to re-create our future. During this time of transition, we can improve our ability to cope through consciously working on our mindsets. In other words, we have to turn our stumbling blocks into stepping stones. This reminds me of one of my favourite poems.

Isn't it Strange?

Isn't it strange, that princes and kings,
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common-folk like you and me,
are builders for eternity?

To each is given a bag of tools,
a shapeless mass and a Book of Rules;
and each must make 'ere time has flown,
a stumbling block or a stepping stone.

R.L. Sharpe, "A bag of tools," circa 1809

In the previous article I mentioned that a metaphor for our ‘way of being’ prior to the current disaster state could be the metaphor of us as caterpillars crawling around on branches. The caterpillar has freedom. It can bask in the sunlight or hide in the shade. He or she feasts on luscious green leaves. There is motion. However, when the time is right, that caterpillar finds itself trapped in a cocoon. Isn’t that just how some of us have felt at times during various stages of lockdown? We cannot move around, we have little freedom and we feel trapped.

In looking at the cocoon from the outside it seems as though nothing is happening. Only the cocoon is visible. Yet, inside that cocoon a great metamorphosis is taking place. These unseen activities enable the butterfly suddenly to emerge.

My question to you is: ‘What are you doing during lockdown to make sure that you’ll emerge as that butterfly’? How are you feeding your mind, nourishing your soul and developing your physical abilities? This is not a time of stagnation. You can make it a time of great growth. Your attitude is important in coping with the current situation and at the same time creating your future reality.

When I think of caterpillars I think of climbing trees during childhood. When I was young one of my favourite stories was ‘the Little Engine that could’. The most well-known version was written by Watty Piper and first published in 1930. This followed a variety of versions since 1902 all with the same theme, namely to believe in ourselves even when we are faced with huge challenges.

The story is simple: a train was taking carriages of toys and good things to the children over the hill. The engine broke down. Trains passed without offering to help. And then it wasn’t the most beautiful, nor the most powerful, nor the one adhering to the correct protocol that offered to help. It was a little engine that stopped and helped. She tried so hard to take the carriages over the hill to its destination saying ‘I think I can, I think I can….. I think I can’. She knew she could and achieved her goal. Thus there was a happy ending.

Another story involving mindset is the true example set by Viktor E Frankl. He was able to physically and mentally not only survive the horrors of the Holocaust, but inspire millions through his example. As a neurologist and psychiatrist he founded the Logotherapy School of psychology and a philosophy based on the idea that we are strongly motivated to live purposefully and meaningfully. He was the author of many books, including ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ which was published in 24 languages.

‘When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’

Viktor E Frankl

In conclusion, the princes and kings are confined (successfully) within the accepted framework of that poem and like all of us, have choices. The caterpillar, unseen and cocooned, appears to be stagnating but it is going through a natural metamorphosis. The broken-down train, stuck on the hill achieved its destination through the persistence of the most unlikely little engine. Viktor E Frankl was trapped within the horrors of 4 concentration camps yet managed to escape and constructively make the world a better place for himself and for others.

Are you stuck in your present mindset? We may feel trapped right now and know we have to leave behind much of what we took for granted prior to the current pandemic. But we need to think of this as a transition to a brave new world. Change your mindset, change your world. The right attitude counts a great deal. And you can seek help. There are so many of us offering complimentary assistance at present.

If you’d like to participate in a complimentary one-hour Zoom workshop based on the twelve random tips to help with our coping mechanisms, please send a request via e-mail to brenda@strategy-lealdership.com And I’ll then send you an invitation.

The next two one-hour complimentary workshops will be held on:
* Monday May 25: 5pm SAST
* Tuesday May 26: 8am SAST
The content of both these workshops will be the same.

For further information on Executive Coaching and Leadership Development please contact Brenda Eckstein on +27 82 4993311 or e-mail brenda@strategy-leadership.com. The website is www.strategy-leadership.com

Rising from the ashes

December 5, 2017 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Often we have a choice as to whether we will ‘rise from the ashes’ or stay downtrodden. Our perception and attitude are determinants of our current and future states and whether the obstacles holding us back can be overcome.

It is exciting to hear stories of people turning stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Shan Pillay – December 2017

Shan Pillay’s achievements are an excellent example of this. I was delighted when Shan, a South African friend of fifty-years standing, sent me the copy of a letter showing that a doctorate was being conferred on him by The International Tamil University, USA. This letter indicates that he will hold a D Litt, USA and be acknowledged for his contribution to humanity at the graduation ceremony in India in December 2017.

Shan had very humble beginnings. His family lived in a complex known as ‘The Barracks’ in an area designated for the Indian Community in my home city, Pietermaritzburg, South Africa. There every family had an apartment so small that some members slept in the kitchen. For thirteen families there was one communal ablution area.

At age 15 years, Shan started his first job in a shoe factory. In order to give him clothes to wear to work, his mother took a pair of his brother’s old shorts and sewed a patch on the back. At the factory, he became known as ‘The Boy in Shorts’.

My husband and I have been friends of Shan’s for more than 50 years. My father-in-law opened his shoe factory on my husband’s 21st birthday. Being a family business, that is where my husband worked at the time. Shan was the factory manager of Jaguar Shoes which also had small beginnings in an old bakery and later rose to being quoted on the Johannesburg Stock Exchange.

Over the years Shan’s family grew and on his son, Nellan’s 21st birthday, Nellan started work for my husband and me in our group of retail clothing stores. There he rose to the position of manager and worked for us for 10 years. He left in order to start his own shoe factory. Of course, as this was an area in which Shan excelled, I’m sure he was an integral part of Nellan’s success.

In addition to being dynamically involved and receiving international recognition in the South African shoe manufacturing industry, Shan was actively involved in ‘the struggle’ for democracy in South Africa. He has wonderful stories to tell and a fascinating network of relationships. These include top political and other leaders in the country.

At one stage during the apartheid era, the Police suspected Shan of being involved in the bombing of the Supreme Court, Pietermaritzburg where the first activists were charged with Treason. He was surrounded by the special branch in Edendale, held for questioning and later released. Shan publicly acknowledges that it was his boss, my brother-in-law Roy Eckstein, who provided an alibi. Roy gave evidence that at that time, Shan was transporting factory workers back to Edendale, an African rural area which was later incorporated into our City.

Shan is the only Indian alive today who attended the historic conference where the world icon and statesman, Nelson Mandela made his demands for nothing less than a one-man-one-vote for a democratic South Africa. In 1999 when Mandela was accorded the Freedom of the City of Pietermaritzburg, Shan was invited to share his experience of that historic conference with the President himself.

Another area in which Shan has excelled is in his free-lance work as a photo-journalist. Over the years he has, as an insider, captured many historic moments in our country’s history. He continues to capture pivotal moments in the life of our country and in his friend’s lives, too. We have been privileged to have Shan photograph and journal many of the celebratory moments in our personal lives.

Kim Eckstein, Edgar Eckstein, Lara Turner, Mavis Thompson, Brenda Eckstein and Shan Pillay - May 2017

Shan values his friendships. Last year I felt honoured when I was invited to present one of the speeches at his 80th birthday party. It was a privilege to celebrate with a man who is held in high regard by leaders in society, business and family. We were engulfed by the tangible warmth and love shown by those present particularly by family. As patriarch he plays an ongoing vital role in the lives of three generations. This sprightly octogenarian gave an erudite, appreciative address worthy of his new academic status.

Shan has overcome many obstacles. Isn’t it interesting how he has ‘risen from the ashes’? His lack of formal education combined with his coming from an impoverished background could have been stumbling blocks. But they have not held him back. He is now being afforded the highest University academic honour through his contribution to humanity. And his ‘way of being’ enriches those with whom he interacts. This is a credit to his and his family’s achievements.

You can see that he leads a life following his passion. This includes his love of humanity, particularly his family, South Africa and India. Well done, Shan! We commend you and your wonderful family.

Questions for readers:

How might your beginnings be holding you back?
What are you doing to overcome those perceived stumbling blocks?
How are you acknowledging the contribution of others?
Where have you ‘risen from the ashes’ either physically or emotionally?
What part has attitude played?
What legacy are you going to leave – for your family or your country?

Attitude or behaviour?

October 12, 2014 by Brenda Leave a Comment

During a recent stay at the Oyster Box Hotel I met a fellow trainer and coach from the UK. I was delighted to be invited to observe one of his excellent training sessions during which he asked participants the question: ‘What is more important, attitude or behaviour?’ This generated healthy discussion. Pondering their responses, I thought of the work of Dr John Adair who in one of his books entitled, ‘Action Centred Leadership’ draws attention to the fact that a person can have all the characteristics of a good leader, but if that person doesn’t put them into action (behaviour) they remain dormant characteristics.

The question of the importance of attitude and/or behaviour linked to my experiences as a presenter of interactive workshops. During the sessions, wherever possible, I get participants to practise using their own examples from their work, home and community lives. And as the day progresses, they become more and more proficient. However, no matter how enthusiastic participants might appear during the session and how much they show the right attitude, I receive little feedback, especially after short courses. I want to know how they have applied the new techniques and other learnings during the days, weeks and months following the workshop.

So I was delighted when Bradley Bissessar, Senior Security Supervisor at the Oyster Box Hotel, a few weeks after attending ‘How to get your point across’ proudly showed me how he carries the formulae cards with him in his wallet as a reminder to apply the principles (Please see the photo). He spontaneously and enthusiastically told me exactly how he is applying the simple formulae he mastered during the workshop. He gave me an example of how in his work situation he has used the PREP formula for safety briefings to groups of guests. This enables him to easily structure his information into a coherent talk which is logical and easy to follow. Bradley says: ‘the course gave me a lot of confidence in myself. It helps me to get my point across effectively’. He also added ‘knowledge is power. And this is a priceless gift that cannot be taken away even with the essence of time. Use it wisely.’

Bradley Bissessar.

He is also constantly applying the formulae in his private life. An example is where he used the PREP and assertiveness formulae to structure a personal letter and this helped him to crystallise his feelings and resolve an issue amicably. Well done, Bradley! So he has applied the learnings and made them part of his way of functioning. It becomes so easy when you know how!

Yes, it is important to have the right attitude. In the case of training sessions, people might be eager (attitude) to improve the way they do things (behaviour). And they might participate effectively on the day (attitude and behaviour). However, the way the person actively and consistently applies and practises afterwards will determine ongoing success. New neural pathways need to be built.

Let’s move away from the training perspective and look at the question of ‘attitude or behaviour’ from an integral coaching approach. Attitude shows a ‘way of being’ and in coaching terms this links to ‘heart’. Behaviour links to ‘action’. So a missing component is ‘head’. The next question is how do we bring ‘head’ into the equation? By helping our clients to ‘self-observe’ they become aware of what they are or aren’t doing, feeling and experiencing. They might notice their ‘blind spots’. By practising the right behaviours over and over we build new neural pathways. Through an Integral or Executive Coaching approach clients can thus more easily ‘self-correct’ and ‘self-generate’ and thus shift their ‘way of being’.

Going back to the original question regarding ‘attitude or behaviour’ being more important, while I believe that a combination of attitude and behaviour is important, there are many other aspects in achieving sustainable success. What is your opinion?

For more information on training in communication skills, leadership development or executive coaching, please contact brenda@146.66.90.172 or phone +27 82 4993311.

137: Broken biscuits

October 25, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

When my mother was young, her family was very poor. She tells the story of how on special occasions they could afford to buy biscuits. But they didn’t go to Woolworths and buy a packet or two. They would go to the local factory and buy the broken biscuits. And they loved them.

That made me think of how unappreciative we often are – and how wasteful many of us in Western society have become. There is nothing wrong with ‘broken biscuits’. They taste the same. The only difference is in our attitude. In life if whatever we approach, we enter with an attitude of appreciation, we will gain great gifts every day of our lives.

Many of us are surrounded by excess and that has become the ‘norm’. I grew up in a middle class family and we had one bathroom, one car and we were lucky to have one telephone. There was no TV in South Africa until I was 30 years old. Nowadays even young children have their own cellphones – and they feel inferior if not provided with their preferred brand. When we renovate our homes, I am told that it is expected that each child will have their own ‘en-suite’ bathroom. Luxury abounds.

In some ways this easy access to abundance destroys creativity. Many people in our society no longer consider, ‘what shall we do with the leftovers’? It is obvious! They go straight into the garbage bin. Gone are the days when we lovingly created new combinations from our leftover food or other consumables. The basis of Creole cookery is looking in the cupboard and fridge and saying ‘what scraps are there that we can use in preparing supper tonight? And how can we most excitingly combine those ingredients?’ I still run my kitchen like that. It is fun!

And let’s look at another aspect of ‘brokenness’. In a jigsaw puzzle, if we discover near the end that a piece is missing, the annoyance often outweighs the satisfaction of the careful precision with which we put the pieces together. We notice the ‘missing piece’ more than we notice ‘the whole’.

The same applies to our chipped crockery. If it isn’t perfect it becomes redundant. Or does it? I have a remedy for that. Take up mosaicking. Putting together the pieces in new creative combinations is good for the soul.

So, how else can we apply these principles? The broken biscuits, the scraps, the missing jigsaw piece and chipped crockery can be metaphors for our lives and for society. How do we mend what is broken? Or even better, how can we create exciting new combinations? We need to explore possibilities and then recognise and optimise opportunities. Creativity and innovation are fun! And appreciation is the ‘golden thread’ taking us from ‘brokenness’ to ‘wholeness’.

For further information on Executive Coaching and keynote speaking please contact Brenda on brenda@146.66.90.172 or +27 82 4993311.

119: ‘Made to last’ vs. ‘disposable’

May 29, 2013 by Brenda Leave a Comment

Some time ago, Glynis Horning, a South African journalist asked me what advice our ‘older generation’ could give the ‘younger generations’. That was a thought-provoking question! My answer appeared as part of an article in the Psychologies magazine.

Psychologies article.

My first comment was that the younger generation lacks a sense of permanence. But, maybe that’s good? It was hard growing up in an era where choosing your first job was like a life sentence. ‘Nice people’ didn’t change jobs.

It’s not like that now. Staying in the same job often gives the impression that you lack initiative. Being able to recognise and immediately optimise opportunities is one of the keys to success. Being flexible and able to operate in ambiguous conditions is essential in our current conditions which are often volatile.

The shift from ‘made to last’ to ‘disposable’ affects aspects of our value systems and changes our attitudes. Older generations grew up expecting to stay in their jobs, remain in their cities, remain close to their families and often tended to regard relationships with a sense of permanence. (I’m not implying that all modern relationships don’t have a sense of permanence.)

Conflicting attitudes often cause lack of understanding between the generations. And this is important because for the first time ever, we now could have as many as four generations in the workplace or organisation at the same time. An example given to me recently was that the ‘older folk’, those who had been working for the company for some time, found it hard to cope when a new ‘whiz kid’ was appointed as their leader. He ‘swept in and changed everything’. While the majority were still trying (somewhat reluctantly?) to become part of that change process, the leader moved on to another exciting position, leaving perceived chaos in his/her wake. I realised I was hearing one point of view. I would have enjoyed holding a conversation with the ‘whiz kid’!

Young people, raised in an era of ‘don’t fix the printer, just buy a new one’ will certainly not place as much importance on ‘made to last’ as our generation did. Even our pens were ‘made to last’. Do you remember how we used pens that we dipped into inkwells at school. My husband tells the story of one of the boys in his class at school who was caught smoking. He had the desk lid lifted (yes, we used to sit at old-fashioned wooden desks!) was smoking and the smoke rose through the hole made for the ink well! The teacher saw this and immediately sent him to the headmaster’s office.

Products, jobs, location, relationships have all become more disposable. And anything that is faster replaces that which is slower. A friend tells the story of how his grandfather, going on a business trip, used to go to the train-station to catch the train from his town to the city. If he missed the train, he came back a week later and caught the next train. His father on the other hand, in the early days would be taken to the airport and if he missed the plane would come back the next day to catch the next flight. Now, if my friend misses his ‘wedge’ of the revolving door, he becomes totally stressed. Everything has become faster. But has it become better?

The younger generation could benefit from learning to appreciate ‘permanence’ - but then look at how much they can teach us about flexibility, coping with change and technology!

Where there are differences, or where there are changes, there will always be perceived benefits and perceived disadvantages. In the ‘Handwriting on the wall’ (‘Who moved my cheese?’ – Spencer Johnson) we are reminded that we need to ‘smell the cheese often’. We need to scan the environment, recognise change and reflect on which opportunities are closed down and those which are opened – and then take appropriate action.

Questions:

1. What is one of the main lessons you could learn from:

Two generations above yours
The generation above yours
The generation below yours
Two generations below yours (may not be applicable)

2. What is the main lessons each of those groups could learn from your generation?

3. Which products in your life are disposable?

4. Which products in your life are ‘made to last’?

5. What, if anything, is ‘permanent’?

6. How do you go about scanning the environment for change?

7. And how do you use that information to your advantage?

For more information on ‘Executive Coaching’ or keynote speaking please contact Brenda Eckstein on +27 82 4993311 or brenda@146.66.90.172

Blue Skies and an attitude of abundance

September 13, 2012 by Brenda Leave a Comment

'Our attitude determines our altitude’ is a quote which we often hear. And this re-enforces the importance of having a positive attitude and an ‘abundance’ mentality. There is enough for everyone. Let’s share.

Important questions to consider as you look introspectively are:

Are you a ‘taker’ or a ‘giver’?
Do you constantly demand your ‘rights’ or do you concentrate more on your responsibilities?

We all exhibit shades of all of these attributes under different circumstances. But how can we use the positive aspects to enhance our own lives and live together for common advantage?

I was chatting to a leading attorney, Andries Geyser and our conversation edged towards the fact that in his professional work he is constantly engaged in fighting for a client’s ‘slice of the pie’. And he sees it from both sides. He suggests that people ‘come to the table’ to see how much they can take and not how much they can give – if they did it the other way round so many more disputes could be resolved without the expense and acrimony, which they end up incurring. He says: ‘Real strength lies not in having and holding, but in giving.’ This really ‘struck a chord’ with me. How much greater the quality of our lives would be if we could all work together and share more.

Andries Geyser, leading attorney.

I believe that the ‘hallmark’ of a good relationship is where each partner brings out the best in the other. That is a simple test. And it can apply to business partnerships or to our private lives. But it starts with ourselves. Our own attitude and approach to life is important. Happiness impacts positively on all domains of our lives.

I smiled as Andries told me how he calls himself the ‘Self appointed World President of the Blue Sky Society, the object of which is to bring out the happiness in everyone. Membership is free and you don’t have to fill in any forms to become a member. All you have to do is to bring out the happiness in yourself.

You remain a member for as long as you are happy and positive. You automatically suspend yourself when you become negative and allow yourself to become unhappy.

Fundamentally it is not what happens to you, it is how you respond to it. Happiness is there for you to take out of any situation. Nothing can be so bad that it can’t get worse – unless of course that you respond to it with happiness.’ These are the words of a wise man.

As a coach I tend to ask questions and when I asked Andries if he had a theme song, a song that would be a metaphor for his approach, he broke into song and sang ‘Zippidy Do Da … what a wonderful day’. Another in his repertoire is ‘It’s a wonderful world’. I was really excited as his approach aligns very closely with my own thoughts and links to the message I gave in my post ‘Oh what a beautiful morning’ in December 2011 and you can link to that by pressing here. (Once you are in the blog, don’t forget to press in the right spot to hear the sounds of the early morning!)

Promise of 'Blue Skies' - Sunrise from my garden - September 9 2012.

Even when you can’t see the ‘blue sky’ it is always there. Sometimes it may be above the clouds, or it may just be on the other side of the earth. But it is there. And often we need another person to make us realise this.

These are powerful messages. It is important to have an opinion on everything including our approach to life and relationships. But how we put it into action also counts. Andries regularly phones certain friends and associates (who tend not to be that happy) and wishes them ‘blue skies’ and I commend him as this is a wonderful practice.

What are you doing to lighten up some-one else’s life? What can you do right now to show some-one the ‘blue sky” – or to share your thoughts with a like-minded person? Take action now!

I wish you joy as you experience the changing light and sounds of each new day.

If you would like more information on ‘executive coaching’ please contact me - brenda@146.66.90.172, Phone: +27 33 3425432, Mobile: + 27 82 4993311.